How do you cope with resistance or lack of engagement from your coachees or mentees?

1 Identify the root cause

The first step to dealing with resistance or disengagement is to understand where it is coming from. Is it due to fear, insecurity, lack of motivation, misunderstanding, or something else? Try to empathize with your coachee or mentee and see the situation from their perspective. Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and acknowledge their feelings and concerns. You may discover that they have some valid reasons for being reluctant or indifferent, or that they have some misconceptions or gaps in their knowledge that need to be addressed.

2 Adjust your approach

Once you have identified the root cause of the resistance or disengagement, you can tailor your coaching or mentoring style to suit the needs and preferences of your coachee or mentee. For example, if they are afraid of failure or criticism, you can emphasize the positive aspects of their performance and provide constructive feedback in a supportive and respectful way. If they are unmotivated or bored, you can challenge them with more interesting or meaningful tasks and goals, and celebrate their achievements and progress. If they are confused or overwhelmed, you can simplify your messages and provide clear instructions and expectations, and check for understanding and feedback.

4 Set clear and realistic expectations

One of the common sources of frustration and conflict in coaching or mentoring relationships is the mismatch between expectations and reality. To avoid this, you need to set clear and realistic expectations for both yourself and your coachee or mentee from the start. This means defining the purpose, scope, duration, frequency, and outcomes of the coaching or mentoring process, as well as the roles, responsibilities, and boundaries of each party. You also need to communicate these expectations clearly and regularly, and review and revise them as needed based on the feedback and results.

5 Encourage autonomy and ownership

Finally, one of the best ways to cope with resistance or disengagement is to empower your coachee or mentee to take more control and ownership of their own learning and development. This means giving them more choice and flexibility in how they approach their tasks and goals, providing them with resources and tools to support their self-directed learning, and encouraging them to reflect on their experiences and outcomes. By doing this, you are not only reducing their dependence on you, but also increasing their confidence, motivation, and engagement.