What do you do if you're a leader struggling to develop your emotional intelligence?

1. Make yourself vulnerable and tell your team that you are working on building your EI. 2. Set up 1:1's with each team member and ask them for specific feedback regarding your strengths and development opportunities. 3. Collect the themes and think about what you need to change to help bridge the gap between your strengths and development areas. 4. Set up a team meeting to share the themes with your team and explain how you plan to work on your development areas. Ask for additional feedback on your plan and for your team's commitment to continue to provide feedback when you're doing well and identify when old habits surface. 5. Use your 1:1's to continue the dialogue.

If you recognise that you are struggling and accept it, that is a good start because you already have self-awareness. Focusing on one element of EI or a recurring situation where you want to develop your EI is an excellent place to begin. Behavioural change requires time; be kind to yourself!

The best technique to develop EI is Eight step formula. Aware Observe Know, Understand, Remind, Regulate Manage Control with efforts & lastly. Control effortless. I had a visit at High court, two years back, after twenty-two years of my fathers (An Advocate) death. I was waiting for someone for an hour. Suddenly after fifteen minutes, tears start flowing from my eyes. I am aware something going wrong emotionally. I remembered my father days in the court. Becoming aware, I see where I am looking at advocates canteen. I know the reason memory of father. I remind myself this is not the way to cry at canteen. I regulate the feelings, come out of the place. I manage to inform; I will not be able to wait any more. I now out of court & emotion.

The question to ask is, how specifically are you struggling to develop your emotional intelligence? EI has many elements, so it's advisable to break it down.

It's essential to have clear and inspiring goals for development. The more specific, the better. You might need to shine and refine your goal occasionally, but that's ok.

I think it is essential to reach out to your team. Let people know that you are trying to develop yourself. Ask for their support in giving you feedback. Being vulnerable is a strength, and it's also part of being emotionally intelligent.

Get Help! Conquering emotional decision-making can be challenging since it involves altering a part of yourself. With guidance, the journey becomes smoother and more manageable to navigate. Numerous resources are available for support, utilize them, reach out! there's no need to tackle this alone.

Assessments are good but they are a snapshot of a moment in time. Self-awareness is the first step indeed and it’s a daily practice. I would start documenting in written form my feelings, thoughts and actions. Let’s say you regret a decision you’ve made earlier. Open your notebook and jot down, how did you feel at the moment? What were your thoughts? And what actions did it lead to. It can be a simple one line per day. After a few days, you might start noticing some patterns emerge. When I feel xxx, I tend to do yyy. Or when I feel xxx, it prompts this unhelpful thought. etc Don’t judge it and simply observe. In this process you will build a lot of self-awareness but also it will develop your curiosity and ability to respond i/o reacting.

I'd pick No 4, but as a Coach, I would wouldn't I! "Emotional Intelligence" is a phrase used by Coaches & therapists so, if I were in my role as Coach, my first step would be to clarify what the phrase means to this leader. Emotional Intelligence is very broad, so before rushing to recommend external resources, I'd want to know exactly what the individual feels they need to develop. Then I'd recommend a course of action.

When working with leaders in enhancing their emotional intelligence, one thing we discuss is how their is no finish line in this area. How can you continue to develop your EI skills? What specific steps can you take to "flex" your communication style? Which of the 4 areas do you need to dedicate additional time? One of my favorite resources is the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 where authors Jean Greaves and Travis Bradberry incorporate an online assessment for free that measures your acumen in all the four quadrants so that it can give you clarity on where to spend your time to improve. Build a plan that you can engage with consistently to raise your level of EI as it is one of the most in demand skills for organizations currently.