What are the most effective ways to approach a difficult conversation?

É necessário mesmo entender o objetivo da conversa, pois o foco principal é resolver um conflito que nesse momento esteja sendo presente, dar um assertivo feedback, apresentar e com toda certeza negociar mudanças.

We all encounter difficult conversations both in our personal and professional lives. Being in HR, I sometimes must deal with such conversations which are not easy. The important aspect is to understand the root cause and the purpose of the conversation. Once I gain clarity, I am able to add value, keeping my emotions aside, & reminding myself to be respectful. This helps me get through the difficult conversations effectively.

Introspection and curiosity are essential. Knowing that even if you feel you're totally right what you say and do (said and did) your input influences the outcome. The other party carries some responsibility but so do you. If you don't listen with the desire to understand you won't. By showing your interest in understanding you open the door to be understood yourself. Which reminds me of than ancient admonishment 'judge not lest you be judged'.

The 1st step is not to tell yourself that this is going to be a 'difficult' conversation because you'll achieve, as Stephen Covey called it, 'Your 'End in Mind'. You'll come away from the conversation being surprised by what you called going into the conversation, difficult. And it was. The reason the training team of a boxer call him 'Champ' is to help him to achieve his end in mind of becoming champ. What we call things matters. Seth Godin wrote a great piece on global warming, in which he said that it felt cosy and like being by a warm fire. He postulated that had we called it 'Climate Cancer' maybe we would see it differently and act accordingly. Instead of a difficult conversation, call it a problem-solving conversation.

Uma conversa difícil deve ser abordada com foco, educação, empatia, escuta ativa, feedback, e respeito entre as partes. Quando a conversa é conduzida com educação e fica claro que estamos discutindo uma "situação" e não sobre pessoas, fica fácil de chegar ao final de forma respeitosa e com soluções para o problema. Dar e pedir opiniões e feedback selará a seriedade da conversa e o benefício para todas as partes envolvidas.

Certainly, a difficult conversation is not resolved just by talking. It is concluded when both parties are satisfied or accept a fair partial agreement. It requires mutual willingness and a leader who fosters an atmosphere of trust. However, in cases where there is no solution, the leader should honestly and firmly indicate the end of the talk, keeping the possibility of resuming it if there is a noticeable change of attitude in the future.

Respeito e empatia são a base para qualquer conversa, principalmente as "difíceis". Eu costumo chamá-las de conversas corajosas. Porque elas nem sempre são difíceis. Noemá-las assim é sofrer por antecedência. Tenha uma comunicação transparente, diga para o outro o que você espera que seja resolvido, aponte os "erros" com o respeito de quem não sabe tudo. Entenda com a empatia de quem se coloca no lugar do outro. Com planejamento, respeito e empatia as conversas difíceis se tornam apenas experiências boas, porque ensinam, de ambos os lados.