You're struggling to resolve a conflict with a colleague. How can empathy help you find common ground?

Leading with empathy means taking a holistic approach in communication. Although it may feel expedient to communicate in pure logic form, for example, "This needs to be done, do it!" Managers may not get positive results. It may even slow progress down or have it come to a halt. What is empathy and why does it matter? Empathy views things from another person's point of view. How might they feel receiving your message? Does it feel safe, solutions-based, encouraging, empowering? Does it add tools, solutions, and flow to the work situation? Or is it demeaning, and disempowering which adds friction to the work process? Using an empathic approach can co-create effective solutions that stakeholders can be enthusiastic to facilitate and maintain.

I like the five-step framework - Deep listening - to hear the feelings, underlying beliefs, and the values of the colleague, salience - Deeper questioning to understand their assumptions, knowledge and their perception of following events - Reflecting back in a meaningful and genuine way, to seek clarity for our own understanding and connect with them - Validating their emotions and values from that genuine connection - Seeking common ground through a series of questions - Brainstorming to achieve that common ground What is important is to have compassion, respect, curiosity and communicating with honesty but compassionately.

The key to resolve conflict using an empathic approach centers on a solutions-based, co-creation concept. We look at where friction points in the process are and ask the question, "Where can we turn friction into flow?" This question can be answered by an agenda that focuses on what is happening in real time, why it's not working, and how we can co-create a better solution together. Do we need to install new tools or empower team members with authority to offer a solution to clients? How can we make the process seamless and empowering for the entire organization, the team member accountable for action, and the clients' experience during the time they're interacting with the organization? Focus on process, not people to remove ego issues.

Empathy is a skill that can be challenging for some. One way to know if someone practices empathy is if they are able to "read the room". If people have told you to "read the room" more than a few times it may be that you could use some assistance in practicing empathy. One good question to ask when communicating with empathy is, "What is the power dynamic between the person I am speaking to and myself? Would there be a reason for them to be anxious talking to you? For example a COO speaking with a first-level manager. Do they feel safe to share a true experience or concerned about negative consequences? Co-create a feeling of safety to share true thoughts and feelings about an issue. This demonstrates empathy in the workplace.

To overcome empathy challenges focus on client satisfaction, removing friction, and adding flow. Friction are points in the process of your work that slow things down or make things unpleasant. For example, things that cause a client to have longer wait times, lack of solutions, in a nutshell they are things that tell the customer "No" when a "Yes" would ultimately bring in more business. Focusing on personalities and expectations that are disconnected from what is happening in day-to-day operations is problematic and invites conflict. Is the outcome realistic or possible? If it is possible, what keeps the desired outcome from happening? How can this be smoothed out? Do those things. That's flow. It sounds simple, yet it isn't often done.