When you are criticized or caught off guard

- The professionals we surveyed for this course told us that one of the most challenging communication situations is being bombarded with questions, demands, or criticism that they weren't expecting. Have you ever been caught so off guard that you didn't know what to say or regretted what you said? These tips will help. First, buy time before responding. The trick to avoiding a verbal blunder or overcommitting yourself is to build a delay between something popping into your head and popping out of your mouth. Take a sip of water. Say something like, "This is catching me off guard. "Give me until tomorrow to think about it." If you must respond on the spot, say things like, "Tell me more about that," or, "Help me understand your thinking." While your conversational partner is responding, you can take a moment to regulate your emotions. My face reads like an open book, but in some contexts it's better not to share everything I'm feeling. Self-regulate when you're about to yell, cry, storm out, or say something out of line. Silently inhale for a count of four. Exhale for a count of four. This counted breath will bring your heart rate down and erase a lot of the emotion showing on your face. Break eye contact. Look at the wall or your feet. Write down key words the other person is saying. And for a neutral face, relax your eyebrows, which furrow when you're upset; drop your tongue away from the roof of your mouth, which will unlock your jaw, and neutralize your expression. Relax your shoulders. Now you're ready to respond to tough questions. Answer hard questions with this three-part formula: "Here's what I do know. "I don't know about what you asked, "but here's how I will find out." This "I don't know" formula preserves your credibility while being honest about what you don't know. It might sound like this. - Hey, Brenda, why on earth did the numbers get included for the Southwest region on these projections? - I, well, you know, I know we have been including some regional data on those reports. I'm not sure why Southwest is there, but I will call Chris in finance and find out. Now you have a credible way to manage questions when you don't have answers. You could probably tell that Tatiana, in our hypothetical scenario, was unhappy with my performance. Let's look at how to deal with criticism. Feedback is a gift, but it sometimes feels like a slap in the face. When someone is courageous enough to give us their honest opinion, even if we disagree with it, even if they didn't say it very tactfully, begin by saying, "Thank you for the feedback." Then clarify vague or confusing criticism using the SBI model. The SBI, or Situation Behavior Impact model, is a tool taught by the Center for Creative Leadership to give feedback to others. I've found it works great to get clear feedback as well. When someone criticizes you and you're not even sure what they're talking about, ask for situations when they've noticed a specific behavior. Or if you understand what behavior they're criticizing but you aren't sure why it's a problem, ask, what impact did that behavior have? You may get caught off guard, you may not have the answers, and you may hear some unexpected criticism, but you can manage all of this. Think about which type of situation you face most often, and then head to the toolkit to get some practice.