Is it possible to spoil your baby by being too responsive? The short answer is no. Somewhere along the way, we developed the notion that letting babies “cry it out” was good for them. In reality, it’s just the opposite. Warm and responsive relationships help infants develop trust, attachment, and a sense of security… which, in turn, lead to self-reliance and the ability to regulate’s one’s own emotions. These abilities have been linked to higher self-esteem, improved stress management, healthier relationships, and even superior academic performance. This lovely video, shared to IG by previvor2survivor states the case beautifully. This is probably an opportune time for a reminder that parenting is not an all or nothing proposition. It’s impractical to think that even the most attentive parent will be able to respond instantly to EVERY cry. And within the context of a warm and responsive relationship, that’s just fine. In finite amounts, opportunities for your baby to self-soothe can be beneficial. But if you’ve been convinced that responding too often to your infant’s expressions of need is the path to spoiling, think again. Infants can’t be spoiled by love. It’s just that simple. #earlychildhood #earlyyears #parenting
When I was young and my children were babies the thinking then was “let them cry”. I could never do it. Babies cry for a reason and usually it’s because they need the security and comfort of a responsive caregiver. That forms the basis of secure attachment whereby babies and young children begin to learn that parents/caregivers become the safe base from which they start to explore their wider world
I totally agree with you. I was always astounded to hear people saying, 'let the child cry, they are just seeking your attention'. Of course, young children are seeking their caregiver's attention. It would be unreasonable to expect young children to be able to self-regulate and be completely self-reliant.
As a parent I agree with this totally and I want to ask - does anyone know if this applies to puppies?! 😫 I am bringing one home on Saturday and all I keep being told by everyone is - don't go to it or give it any attention when it cries at night. How can that be right, taking it away from its littermates and mum into a strange house with strange people and just leaving it to get upset?! It seems the theory is: if you break its spirit in this way, it will know you're the boss, it will reduce separation anxiety in the future and it will behave better. I'm not convinced.
Spending quality time with our babies is vital for their positive development. A baby needs to feel the mother's/father's love. As mentioned already, saying the words is far fetched, babies need to feel, by holding, cuddling, comforting as much as possible
I am a mother of three children and two pets and believe me responding to any sound of their being in distress has not spoiled them, just turned them into kind, loving and sensitive beings (including our pet babies)!
While raising my two kids, I learned you can never spoil a baby. They need and deserve all of the time and attention you can give them. 🥰l
I wonder about the cultural implications of this. Watching a recent episode of a series about a doctor on the spectrum, telling his wife to leave their young baby to cry, I found I was surprised that this 'crying it out' approach is presented in the media; given that we understand so much now about regulation and the role of parents and caregivers in co-regulation.
Dan, I too agree (new father lol) that the notion that nurturing relationships foster trust, security, and long-term benefits in children is crucial for all parents to understand. Dispelling the myth that infants can be spoiled by love helps shift the focus towards creating supportive and loving environments. I truly appreciate your post. Just curious: what additional tips can you offer parents to balance responsiveness with opportunities for self-soothing?
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9moThe problem today is that this situation is continued through childhood and into adulthood. At some point, the mother bird throws the baby out of the nest so that it can learn to fly. It doesn't mean that mom loves the "baby" any less - nor does it mean the "baby" can't return to the next. But, the relationship changes as the "baby" matures. The current workforce seems to indicate that the push out of the nest (which is actually an act of love by parents) is happening less than it used to. Concerns about comfort and joy in job situations are more focused than actually flying (producing at one's job) - which does involve risk. And risk is uncomfortable if one is unprepared.