Kyle Bender Coaching’s Post

This is so very important in a world where there is a "fight" over what it means to be a man. I say a fight because we see it in authoritarianism vs Democracy and how authoritarians like to portray themselves as "masculine". We see it in the "tech bros" who challenge themselves to fights in insecure attempts to remake their images. For myself, in my growing up and for much of my own life, I never felt that I was "man enough", meaning that I didn't feel I "fit in" to being a "real man" because of stories I told in my own mind and/or of what I saw being pushed...not being tough enough or being emotional (I cry at a lot of movies...ask my wife) or <insert here>. That meant, I spent a lot of time solo in the mountains (and other areas) pushing myself and, in part solo because I was "free" vs feeling like I wouldn't measure up (however you want to define measure up). During college, I had a poster that was one of the early Nike women's ads that said: "All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you're not good enough or strong enough or talented enough, they'll say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO. A thousand times No until all the NO's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you NO, quite firmly and very quickly. They will tell you NO. And YOU WILL TELL THEM YES." Today, there are far too many "leaders" and influencers who provide a warped version of what it means to be a "real man". Bullying is all too common and we see individuals, so often dealing with deep-seated insecurities or failings, cover that up by putting on "strong-men" facades. Ultimately, masculinity, is about being a good and decent human being; about lifting up others...it is about kindness, empathy, humility, curiosity, service...and constant learning and improving and helping others do the same. And, this translates in every aspect of our lives today. For instance, I've spoken about this with a good friend of mine I'll call out here, Greg Adams. Greg was a long-time Green Beret who is a model of a good and decent person. We've spoken about soft-power (ie building an irrigation canal or a road...building relationships) vs hard-power (ie blowing shit up) and how instrumental and often more impactful soft-power is (with the ability to have and use hard-power to back it up as needed). Unfortunately, soft-power doesn't compete in our media world with hard-power...it doesn't make for a good movie or entertainment. This is, in part, a problem we face in a world where we have been pushing masculinity into a framing where "everything looks like a nail" through a chest-beating, plastic "tough guy" narrative. NET: the most masculine individuals in the world are typically the kindest... Dr. Ben Robert Kevin Kain Joe Chris Jim Kyleanne Dennis Ellen Megan Brandon Luann Celine Sue Lior Glen Darren Matthew Craig David Matt Cort Jeff Mark Bob H. Josh

Men need less judgement and more support. And the fact that the above statement needs to be followed with a justification is a sad reality of our times. In recent years, there seems to be a lot of hate and shame being directed at men in online spaces for the wounds suffered at the hands of a broken system. And whilst I am not saying that we forget the damage caused in the past, to hold all men responsible would appear to me to be an ineffective path to making a more beautiful future for us all. The term toxic masculinity has taken root in the public consciousness to the point that “toxic” was made word of the year by Oxford Languages in 2018. The issue is, we are so focused upon telling boys and men how they should not be, what they should not say and what they should not do, that we cripple them into giving up their own identity. In my experience from working with men over the years, compassion and inspiration are far better motivators for one’s personal realisation than judgement and shame. What if we were to give a sense of direction for these boys and men to aspire toward? What would it mean if we were to instead highlight examples of a healthy masculinity in this world? Men who are breaking the stigmas and presenting mature, emotionally-grounded leadership. Men who are empowering others to break out of conditioning and into authenticity. Maybe that kind of thing doesn’t sell as many headlines. But perhaps it’s a good place to start. Are you willing to support men in this journey?

Thank you Scott and Caleb! So many men I’ve worked with (and I’ll include myself here!) received messages around emotions or feelings that said, emotions are - a form of weakness - a female trait and should be avoided - untrustworthy - have no value and should be ignored …on and on Yet, when I had a moment of significant burnout in my life…the biggest contributing factor to my burnout was not life’s circumstances but my inability to feel and process my emotions about and around life circumstances. Emotions are information. Valuable information. Understanding and allowing them made me a better leader, husband, father, and friend. It also helped me navigate challenges in my life that lead to deeper meaning, fulfillment, and insight. When I was ignoring my emotions, everything just showed up as anger. But I didn’t know why I was angry. This was causing problems in my relationships. I was losing motivation in all areas of life. Finding ways to numb because I didn’t have the skills to understand and navigate my internal world, feeling and emotions. I ultimately fell into burnout and it wasn’t pretty. I got the help I needed and emotions were one of the ways I came back to life. If this is you or if you resonate with any of the above, shoot me a message and I’d love to connect and share more journey.

At the Truist Leadership Institute we dig into #emotions a lot, and there's a solid reason for that. If you’re tuned into your emotions, researxh showa, you’ve got a better shot at managing them. In #leadership, how you handle emotions—especially the heavy ones that can wreck relationships—can make or break you. Recognizing intense emotions, like grief or a deep sense of loss, can be a powerful catalyst. It creates a space where people feel #safe to just acknowledge what’s really going on. It creates #psychologicalsafety . The simple act of recognizing reality can be the very thing that fuels you to #moveforward.

I cannot think of a better profession than “artist” to share with a spouse. Most of our conversations center around light, color, form, and the beauty that surrounds us. My husband’s expertise, instruction, and encouragement are why I am an artist today. Here is a recent piece from his easel: https://lnkd.in/guUFXeHu

Neurodevelopmental differences begin in the early developmental period and encompasses a group of complex differences. They include autism and ADHD, communication and learning differences and development motor coordination differences. Each individual unique profile is extremely variable and impacts both positively and negatively. It is always great to hear how people have positively overcome challenges. The list of famous people here outlines how each developed strategies to support their differences. #autism #ADHD #neurodirvergence #mentalhealth

❌Being black doesn’t mean you’re strong! ✅Conditioning makes you strong ❌Don’t just do ✅Learn ❌No pain no gain ✅ if it hurts, there’s probably something wrong - address it! Incorporate strength and conditioning into your routine. Please share with someone who needs to hear this.

Are you someone who is outwardly focused, basing your life choices on what others might think of you? I was. This 5 min video I made 15 years ago tells my story of how I went from outwardly to inwardly focused, with the help of my friend Virginia. And if you are ready to make that change for yourself, let’s talk! https://lnkd.in/gzt2Yi6D

I may not be an expert on TV commercials (ads, as we colloquially call them), but I just witnessed something truly extraordinary. If this Rolex commercial isn't a stroke of genius, then perhaps our collective thirst for inspiration knows no bounds. In just under a minute, it encapsulated a lifetime of lessons. From the profound depths of love and family to the relentless pursuit of one's true purpose, this masterpiece effortlessly navigates through the human experience. It's a symphony of ambition, risk-taking, resilience, and the unwavering determination to push beyond the conceivable limits. As we journey through the captivating visuals, we're reminded of the guiding light that propels us forward, even in the face of adversity. It celebrates the audacious steps we take, the inevitable stumbles, and the triumphant moments of breakthrough. But beyond the surface, this commercial speaks to the very essence of the human spirit — the unyielding resolve to overcome obstacles, discover our inner strength, and ultimately, transform our reality. In every frame, it echoes the echoes of perseverance, the sweet taste of victory, and the profound sense of fulfillment that comes from daring greatly and embracing the journey. This isn't just a commercial; it's a cinematic marvel that leaves an indelible mark on the soul. Bravo, Rolex, for reminding us of the boundless potential within us all. #Inspiration #Rolex #Masterpiece #Oscars2024 #Perpetual

We understand the assignment