Today we celebrate our democracy by encouraging all people to cast their ballot at the polls. We invite you to read an article written by PJI Executive Director, Rachel C. Allen focused on how to manage the results of the election and any anticipation of conflicted feelings.
How do we manage what is coming the day after voting, with the anticipated conflicted feelings? This is my response. Years ago in couples therapy I learned that when I reacted to another’s poor behavior with my own angry, vengeful response, I received the “counseling.” This felt unfair. “Hey wait! Why am I getting feedback when they behaved badly?” I learned that I needed to manage my reactions, self-regulate, and stay calm. “Don’t react.” This became my mantra. It didn’t mean don’t feel; it meant feel the anger and outrage — but don’t retaliate. Instead, stay calm and choose a response rooted in my better thinking. By not reacting, I could respond from a more thoughtful place —potentially transforming the conflict into something constructive. The skill of conscious response will be useful as we face an election where nearly half the population faces deep disappointment and outrage over the results. The outrage may be triggered by deep-seated fears that something important is going to be taken away, including reproductive rights, guns, environmental protections, one’s faith and identity. The stakes feel high. Practicing self-regulation is key, allowing us to slow down, stand in each other’s shoes, and gain empathy for what others may be feeling. This practice is reflected in Gandhian nonviolence and peace, an active force capable of disarming people who believe they are our enemy. The tools necessary to achieve a nonviolent stance are found in the Peace and Justice Institute’s Principles for How We Treat Each Other, practiced by tens of thousands of individuals within our region — including police, firefighters, educators, government officials, parents, students and more. They provide a common language and common practices for navigating conflict in potentially volatile times, like the ones we are in. We must slow down and notice our own reactions and feelings. Suspend judgment of the other, and most importantly, turn to wonder, considering what they may be feeling and what my reaction teaches me. We must check our assumptions or biases. We ask ourselves, am I open to hearing what they fear and need? Or have I labeled this person and placed them in a categorial “box,” disregarding their feelings, or worse, their humanity? Wonder is a superpower. By practicing curiosity, suspending judgment and listening deeply, each of us is a potential bridge to the other side of this political divide, bringing peace to our families, neighborhood, places of work, and worship. This takes maturity and practice, and for me, a commitment to love all people, even when I don’t like their behavior or agree with their beliefs. Ultimately, as humans on this small planet with limited resources, we are invited to solve complex issues — together. It’s about us! For a species capable of sending people to the moon and beyond, learning to live together in peace may be the greatest challenge of all. The upcoming election provides an opportunity to practice.
