1 Uncommon Behavior That Defines Exceptional Leaders

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Years ago, a colleague called me up to tell me his old boss was trying to lure him back to his old position. In a crystal-clear moment of clarity, he told me he could never return to that environment, no matter how attractive the offer.

As he explained it, it wasn't his boss. It was a toxic executive up in the ivory tower who made life a living hell for everyone else. My friend was clearly taking the higher road.

It reminds me of another toxic boss I had back in my corporate days. His low emotional intelligence and massive ego led to bullying and controlling behaviors that made some of his best employees leave. In exit interviews, he was listed as "reason No. 5" for why people quit.

Not exactly the type of executive boss who will win over your trust. Neither are bosses who wield power and control over their people as a way of driving performance and achieving results.

Managing through Fear is out

Top-down managers who instill fear are known for killing intrinsic motivation. Consequently, valuable employees become order-takers, ceasing to demonstrate proactive, creative, and self-motivated behaviors that managers desire.

When fear permeates the air in command-and-control dictatorships, employees don't take risks, use their full brain capacity, and perform at their best. When they aren't empowered to make decisions on their own and give input and have a voice, when they don't grow as people in work that has meaning and purpose, they eventually suffocate and lose the will to contribute meaningfully. Exit, stage left.

Leading with Love Is In

That's the uncommon behavior in today's title, but you'll need to hear me out. I've been banging on this drum of "leading with love" for years and coaching my clients to lead this way. Many scholars and experts call it Servant Leadership. To borrow a line from the important work of a colleague of mine, Renée Smith , founder of A Human Workplace, she boldly declared, "It's time to decrease fear and increase love at work."

She shares, along with yours truly, a philosophy of practical love and care for culture change and leadership development. Because when we feel loved, cared for, and respected, Smith says "we settle in. We feel safe, committed, and at ease to be ourselves. And then we humans do incredible things."

Regardless of your generation, gender, race, or sexual identity, every person with a pulse wants to be treated like a valued and respected human being with the freedom and safety to use his or her brain and natural talents. To that end, every human being wants to "feel loved" at work.

Don't for a minute think of love in the squishy romantic sense or as a "nice guy" doormat leadership style that has no lasting business impact. We're talking about actionable love -- the kind of daring, practical love that the best leaders demonstrate daily to achieve great things. This new paradigm requires a behavioral shift in how most managers think and operate today.  I've seen it, I've lived it, I swear by it. In the end, love truly works.  

Your turn: Does the case for leading with love actually work in your business? Why or why not? Leave a comment and let's learn from each other.

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About Marcel Schwantes

Marcel Schwantes is a global speaker, executive leadership coach, author, podcast host, and syndicated columnist with a worldwide following. Follow him on Substack for Inc. Magazine articles (no paywall or ads), exclusive videos, leadership strategies, and more.