10 signs you lack confidence in your leadership

There are lots of ways that a lack of confidence can show up in your leadership behaviour. Many of them are closely connected to each other and all of them will have an impact on you and your organisation.

Recognising these signs is the first step to addressing them so that you can step into your leadership role with more confidence. A lack of confidence can prevent others from recognising your competence and talents. However, once you have recognised how you may be undermining your own confidence you can work to bolster your confidence. There are no quick fixes when it comes to sustainable development, but I will finish with a few research-backed ways that you can start to redress the imbalance. 

1: YOU DOUBT YOUR DECISIONS 

This can show up as second-guessing the decisions that you have already made, or by delaying making decisions until the last minute. While it comes from a positive, wanting the best outcome for your organisation and team, it means there is confusion getting there. 

2: YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT THING YOU SAID AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK

At some stage, we all say things that we regret, but for you, this means replaying in your mind things that you said on a call or in a meeting. Long after other people have forgotten the things you said you’re still worrying about them. This is different to self-reflection, it is closer to anxiety. 

3: YOU AVOID CONFLICT 

Conflict is a normal part of life both in work and outside of it. We all have to choose which battles are worth fighting. However, you go out of your way to avoid conflict by not bringing up difficult topics in conversation or addressing poor behaviour. This can mean that instead of issues being dealt they can escalate to become much bigger problems. 

4: YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR IDEAS BEING CHALLENGED 

Instead of viewing challenges to your ideas as a way to improve them, you identify closely with them. Challenges to your ideas become challenges to you personally. This can limit the development of your ideas, from a creative point of view ideas need to be challenged before they can be advanced. 

5: YOU AVOID SPEAKING UP 

This makes sense if you don’t like conflict and will worry about what you said afterwards! Avoiding speaking up keeps you in your comfort zone safe from the discomfort of conflict or doubt. However, from an organisational point of view not speaking up can have disastrous consequences. It can allow toxic workplace cultures to flourish and unethical behaviour to become the norm. Even in less extreme situations, it means that no one really knows your views on things unless they seek them out. It impedes your professional and personal growth. 

6: YOU ARE MORE CONCERNED WITH WHAT PEOPLE THINK THAN WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

When you worry about what people think it complicates your ability to take action. Yes, leaders should consider the impact of their actions on other people, shareholders, customers, colleagues and society. However, that is different to being concerned about what people think. This concern means your time and energy is spent speculating about how you are perceived by others rather than creating impact.

7: YOU GIVE MIXED MESSAGES 

Your doubts, inability to speak up, and conflict avoidance mean that those around you are left trying to decipher your confusing messages. If you’re worried about what your colleagues think then you may be more likely to tell them what they want to hear. Different people have heard different things so confusion reigns. 

8: WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR LEADERSHIP ALL YOU CAN DO IS FIND FLAWS

Self-criticism is the thief of self-confidence. While you won’t find a coach advising you not to think about your leadership, you need to support your development by looking at your strengths too. You also need to consider how accurate your self-perception is with a supportive person who can guide you to see things from a different perspective. Because you can only see the flaws in your leadership you risk not being valued by your organisation, not challenging yourself to develop as a leader, and remain stuck in a cycle of self-criticism.

9: YOU TAKE PEOPLE'S CRITICISM TO HEART

If you don’t have confidence in your leadership skills then other people’s criticism will hurt rather than help you to develop. Instead of assessing criticism before deciding on its validity you will take it as true, take it to heart and may find it hard to recover from it. Confident leaders use criticism as an opportunity for growth, but only when they feel that the criticism is valid. From an organisational perspective, taking criticism to heart may mean that any negative feedback further undermines your confidence, feeds into your self-criticism, leads to inaction and problems with communication. 

10: YOU FEEL UNSURE OF YOURSELF

This is the too long; didn’t read version of what a lack of confidence comes down too: feeling unsure of yourself. Sometimes we can overcome the feeling and carry on to get through a difficult situation. But when it starts to manifest itself in every workday situations it can make for an unhappy professional life effecting your ability to lead and to develop.

SOME RESEARCH-BACKED THINGS YOU CAN TRY TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE AND HAVE A BIT OF FUN! 

STRIKE A POSE AND SMILE!

Amy Cuddy’s research on the Power Pose suggests that standing in a powerful pose can increase testosterone levels and self-confidence. Power poses include the superhero pose: stand with your feet hip distance apart, your hands on your hips, shoulders back or standing with your arms raised above your head (think of superman flying). These can be great to try before an important meeting (in the privacy of your office or a toilet cubicle) or before you switch on your camera to join a difficult Zoom meeting. 

The “Grin and Bear It” study found that stress could be relieved by smiling, even if the person smiling did not feel like smiling. The ingenious study asked participants to hold a chopstick horizontally in their mouths, which arranges the facial muscles into a smile. Researchers found that this helped to reduce the body’s stress response even if the participants weren’t feeling happy. 

ALL ABOUT THE BASS

A 2014 study found that after listening to music with a heavy bass beat, participants felt more powerful. Queen’s “We will rock you” was one of the songs that was found to be effective. This inspired me to ask some of the leaders that I’ve been working with to pick songs that represent their leadership or aspirations. Check it out here. 

GIVE YOUR CONFIDENCE A CHARACTER OR PERSONALITY

A study of mixed martial art fighters found that many of them used alter egos as a way to manage their fear heading into their fights. And while the study was to research manhood there’s reason to think that women could adopt similar behaviour successfully. Think of Beyonce’s Sasha Fierce persona. Sasha is the “more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on stage...I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm onstage, this alter ego that I've created kind of protects me and who I really am.” 

WORK WITH A PROFESSIONAL LEADERSHIP COACH

If the quick fixes aren’t enough to help you to make the changes you need then consider finding a qualified psychological coach to work with. Working with a coach will give you a different perspective on your situation and help you to identify your leadership strengths and weaknesses. Contact me if you’d like to find out more about your leadership and to talk about what coaching options are available.

Originally posted on: www.silewalsh.com