10 Ways to Know If You Need A Mental Health Break

Self-love has always been one of those things. You never want to say you don’t have self-love would be considered, “crazy”, to admit, “I don’t have self-love” aloud and to personally own it is unheard of.

I remember talking to a friend about mental health. I told her there was one time in my life when I was very mentally unhealthy. Often times when I speak of metal health the visual of a person in a mental health hospital strapped down to a bed in the psych ward comes to mind but that wasn’t my reality. I was a fully functioning, beautifully manicured human who literally functioned superficially but initially I was a mental health disaster. To top it off, I was an active servant in my community during this time; I was caring for my children unstable, praising and worshiping at church mentally unstable and in a romantic relationship mentally unstable.

I was a fully functioning adult in mental distress.

What a paradox to live in. I didn’t have enough self-love to allow myself to ask for help during my time of mental distress.

Sadly, most high functioning Americans live in this paradox. Society has conditioned Americans to show up appearing stable in times of mental distress.

When will it be enough? When will it be a good time to practice true self-love and stop showing up healthy despite our mental distress?

The truth is, never. There is never going to be the right time, place, situation, or circumstance for you to admit you need support.

In honor of World Mental Health Day, I decided to write this article entitled “10 Ways to Know If You Need Mental Health Support”. I have provided ten practical circumstances to identify when your mental health is at risk.

1. You wake up in distress.

From the time your feet hit the floor a rush of things-to-do floods your mind. You literally have to look at your phone multiple times to remember what day it is. Then you’re off to start another busy, chaotic day just like the last one.

 2.        You forget the small things that used to matter.

Typically, you make time to check in with friends, family, and close colleagues, but life simply doesn’t afford you the time. You’re either rushing to get a quick nap in before you’re off to your next task or too disorganized to remember that important thing you had to do.

3.            Your relationships suffer.

You are constantly flooded with phone calls from friends and family concerned about how distant you’ve been. Routine missed check-ins has your mom and dad concerned, and they should be. Life is sucking you dry. Having close people to remind you about your bizarre behavior change is a blessing from your higher power.

4.            Your children annoy you even the dog gets on your nerves 

This one is for all my parents and pet-parents out there. The cute little innocent things your kids used to do like pronounce a word wrong annoys you. An energetic greeting from your dog sets you off. Innocently, they look up at you as if they’ve just seen a monster. Believe their reaction. This is how you are showing up to EVERYONE! Your kid or the dog just don’t care to hide their true reaction. If I ever need to check my mood, I always look to my rambunctious 4-year-old’s reactions. He doesn’t have a filter and my 14-year-old is worse.

5.              You can’t control your road rage.

Rush hour traffic is becoming more and more unbearable. Nobody knows how to drive anymore. It’s like you were the only one who ever learned. Suddenly, you start to honk and curse at an elderly woman, justifying your angry outburst in the name of, “So what they are too old to be driving anyway.” When justifying cruelty and lack of compassion becomes your new normal you’ve got a problem. It’s a sign that your internal dysfunction is spilling out into the world.

6.            Your relationship intimacy level drops.

During this time your level of intimacy is at an all-time 2 out of 10. It might be a 3 if you’re lucky. Those small things that fall to the bottom of your to-do-list begin to affect your sex appeal. Your personal grooming habit suffer. You used to take care of yourself by eating healthy and going to the gym, but that’s become an afterthought. You keep telling yourself it’s temporary, but is it?

7            You can’t remember the last time you had a calm relaxing day.

Everything seems to be coming up all at once. You can’t recall the last time you had time. You are so unbalanced at this point that you’re a zombie. Everything is blah in your world.

8.           Your work begins to suffer.

You miss or mix up important dates, office birthday parties, or miss out on bringing your favorite casserole to the job’s potluck. This time you didn’t have time, but you’ll do it next time, you negotiate with yourself.

9          Time for the things you personally enjoy decreases.

You haven’t read your favorite book or watched the new season of your favorite T.V. show in weeks. You don’t even have time to binge watch them to catch up to the next episode. You’re so far off you’ve convinced yourself that there isn’t any way back. So, you give up hope and carry on with the mirage that things are not that bad.

10         Your boundaries are being crossed. 

Typically, you are a very clear about your boundaries but with everything going on you’ve noticed small things getting pass you. Your staff is dropping the ball on special projects, the mechanic took three extra hours servicing your car, your spouse isn’t that attentive, and you haven’t met your social, emotional, physical or financial goals multiple times. At this point, you need to make a decision. Either you keep trying to fool yourself and continue down this path of chaos or you practice self-love and have a hard but necessary conversation                       

Self-love isn’t always pretty, but when done with an abundance of love and grace, it can be the very thing you need most.

I remember the internal conversations I’ve had with myself. I still practice detailed internal check-ins because the truth is life is about balance. Whenever you are not aligned emotionally, physically, or mentally, shifts can take place leaving you in problematic, sometimes even life-changing, situations.

I wrote this article to help you decipher when your mind is playing tricks on you. In the mental health field rationalizing toxic mindsets is called cognitive distortions. Without the proper treatment, cognitive distortions can and will become part of your personality (see list of cognitive distortions). 

Some truths:

1. There is never a good time to take back your power
2. Life doesn’t get easier, you get stronger
3. You haven’t mastered life
4. Asking for help is empowering
5. Saying no, even to yourself, is necessary
6. There is always time for self-care
7. Practicing gratitude goes a long way
8. Adjustment is hard, not impossible
9. Every sunrise is a new opportunity to repeat, start over, or delete
10. Your loved ones are not promised to you, cherish the moments

If you find yourself relating to this article, great!

Acknowledgement is the first step to change. You can’t change what you do not acknowledge. The next step is reflection, then seeking help through action.

What action steps will you take to not just get through but overcome and take back control of your life?

Evaluate how you can internally and physically show up for yourself, even on the most difficult days when you’ve mentally convinced yourself you can’t do it. 

Self-love has gotten me through every single storm. I had to love myself beyond my understanding. Manifesting self-love is having an accountability partner, becoming your own hype man, scheduling, planning, and sticking to your word. The most difficult thing is losing internal self-respect.

Discover ways to feel safe in your body again. Remember, it’s never too late to press restart.