14 Easy Ways to Develop Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is not just some trendy term - it’s a vital tool for improving your self-esteem and reducing negative self talk that’s taking you away from achieving and living your best.

Many successful people struggle with self-compassion. They may think self-compassion makes them “soft” or takes them away from self-improvement. But the truth is, without self-compassion, you can’t self-actualize because our minds tend to confirm our negative ideas by aligning our behaviors to match. In other words, negative self talk and a lack of self-compassion leads to self fulfilling prophecies that might draw you further and further away from your goals.

Here are some of the most important benefits to a self-compassion practice.

• Self-Compassion helps to acknowledge and validate your pain and suffering without judging yourself for having difficult emotions or engaging in actions you later regret.
• Self-Compassion helps to reduce self-criticism by encouraging self-kindness and self-acceptance.
• Self-Compassion helps to separate your self-worth from your past experiences and builds your confidence as you march toward relationship, career, and other personal goals. 

How to Practice Self-Compassion Today

Self-compassion is a skill that can be reinforced through a variety of different strategies and tools. Whether you want to build self-compassion as an ongoing practice or you’re looking for a quick way to intervene with your inner critic, these are 14 of my favorite strategies practice self-compassion.

1. Practice compassionate self-talk: Use kind, supportive, and nonjudgmental language when talking to yourself.
2. Acknowledge difficult moments: Say to yourself, “wow, this is really a struggle. This is hard.”
3. Three things: Say out loud or write down in your journal three things you’re thankful for each day.
4. “No” is a complete sentence: Practice saying no to things that you don’t want to do or aren’t within your top values.
5. Remember our common humanity: No matter how alone you feel, remember that suffering and struggle is a universal human experience, and somewhere in the world, there are other people who feel similar to you.
6. Seek support from others: It can be hard to ask for help, but try to ask for what you need from at least one person you trust.
7. Write a compassionate letter to yourself: Think of a situation that caused you painful feelings. Write a letter to yourself about the situation without placing blame on anyone.
8. What would a friend say?: Think of what you’d say to someone you care about and love if they were facing a similar difficult situation. Now try to say these encouraging and loving messages to yourself.
9. Soothe your inner child: Visualize your inner child and ask your inner child, what do you need most right now? Find some way to meet your inner child’s request or needs in this moment.
10. Celebrate your positive qualities: Write down the things you like about yourself, including your strengths, skills, talents, or personal traits. Read this list often and add to it as you see fit.
11. Acknowledge your accomplishments: Take time to reflect on your achievements big and small, and celebrate your successes (even if it’s just a verbal affirmation to yourself for a job well done), no matter how small they may seem. You should celebrate the intermediary steps that you achieve on the way to a bigger goal, for example. Or celebrate when you get the first thing done from your to-do list in the morning by “literally” giving yourself a pat on the back.
12. Treat yourself: Give yourself a small reward. Treat yourself to something you enjoy like a nice meal or 30 minutes of online “window shopping.”

1. Share your successes with others: Tell someone you trust about something you are proud to have done today, whether it’s keeping your cool with someone who tends to become argumentative with you, or starting a new exercise regimen.
2. Practice lovingkindness meditation: There are many scripts for this that allow you to visualize sending love, kindness, and well-wishes to others and yourself that you can access online. (See my Lovingkindness Meditation video and script below.)

Screenshot this email and give these exercises a go the next time you find yourself in need of a little self-compassion. They’ll help you give yourself the grace that you deserve.

Lovingkindness Meditation in 5 Minutes

Begin by getting comfortable in a chair with your feet on the floor or sit on the floor. Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. Become more aware of your breath and how with each inhale it connects to and nourishes your body, and with each exhale, you breathe out stress, tension, and negative feelings.

Notice your thoughts, and bring a gentle curiosity to them. Instead of judging yourself for thinking certain thoughts or allowing certain thoughts to fill your mind, simply observe them, note that they are there, and move on.

Now imagine a person whom you care about and who supports you. Imagine this person is here in front of you. Begin to send loving kindness to this person by saying to them either out loud or silently – May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live in peace, and may you receive what you desire in life. Notice the feelings and sensations that arise as you send these kind thoughts to this person whom you care for.

Now recall a person with whom you may be in conflict, or you could think about someone with whom you’ve had conflict in the past with whom you haven’t yet had a resolution to your argument or disagreement. Imagine this person is here in front of you. Begin to send loving kindness to this person by saying to them either out loud or silently – May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live in peace, and may you receive what you desire in life. Notice the feelings and sensations that arise as you send these kind thoughts to this person with whom you are in conflict. Now bring your attention back to yourself. Focus on your breathing and the sensations in your body. Begin to send loving kindness to yourself by saying either out loud or silently: May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live in peace, and may I receive what I desire in life. Notice the feelings and sensations that arise as you send these kind thoughts to yourself.

Now think about the larger community that you are a part of. Imagine your family, your coworkers, your friends, and anyone else you include in your community, including yourself.

Offer all of you loving kindness with these words – May we be safe, may we be happy, may we be healthy, may we live in peace, and may we receive what we desire in life.

Take a few additional deep breaths and allow your attention to come back into the room.

Compassionately,

Judy

I’m so excited to share that I’ve launched a brand new podcast, which you can listen to in Substack, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or watch on YouTube!

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Here's where you can check out the podcast:

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About me:

Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.

Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.