#149 July 11th, 2024
Blake Carroll, CPA
PwC People Team - Manager | Helping Aspiring CPAs Navigate the CPA Exam with Confidence
This article is for anyone who has struggled with the pain from losing friendships.
I’m sure everybody has gone through the process of friendships evolving and changing as you move through life, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy. When you’re in the moment of losing a friend it’s normal to feel hurt and sad as someone who has been a big part of your life for a period of time is transitioning to not being involved nearly as much anymore, if at all. It’s understandable to grieve that loss and the experiences that you will no longer get to have with that person.
It can be easier to deal with it when we make sure to remind ourselves that this is a normal part of life. Sometimes you outgrow people, sometimes life circumstances change outside of your control. People who fit into your past may not fit into your present or future anymore. I don’t think any of us would say that we expect to have the same friends for the rest of our lives. Of course this doesn’t make it easy for pain-free, but it can help.
We can have the hope that as some people naturally exit our lives new people and new friendships will enter as well. It may feel like there is a hole left in your life, but other people can enter the picture and bring much joy to your life.
The title of this article talks about motherhood, but the helpful principles in the article can be applied to balancing priorities in any area of our life.
The first guideline is that if something is not in your calendar then it is not going to happen. You have to prioritize and block off time for what is actually important to you. If it is truly a must do you, you will find a way to protect it from other distractions and interruptions. Often what we procrastinate on most is the thing we want to do least or the thing that seems hardest. But think about how much easier your day would be if you get that done first. That tough thing is not going to get any easier by putting it off.
Do a periodic evaluation on the things you commit yourself to. Are you saying yes or no to things because they fit with what you want for your life, or are you doing them out of a sense of obligation or a fear of guilt? Your time is finite so you must guard it carefully.
It’s easy to beat yourself up and feel like you’re not doing enough or that you should be doing more. But diminishing the reality of what you are accomplishing because you’re holding yourself to an arbitrary and impossible to reach standard is not kind to yourself nor is it helpful. We are not superheroes and we cannot do it all, but that’s OK because we do not have to. If you are honestly trying to do your best then that has to be enough.
This article works at the idea of working for a salary versus working because of how it benefits others, intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation.
Extrinsic motivators like money will never make us fully happy. How many incredibly wealthy people do we need to see who are still miserable before we believe that money will not solve all of our problems? But then if your work gives you a sense of contribution because of how it helps society and others, that’s where fulfillment lives. There is no limit to how much you can help others and give to others, but there is a limit to how happy money can make you.
This article challenges you to examine why you do what you do, how much of it is motivated by giving versus earning. You will be so much more motivated from giving and contribution. Is there a way you can shift more of your time and attention to projects and tasks like that? How often do you think about a picture of the people who will benefit from your efforts, even if that is your family or your future self? motivation to help others is one of the strongest sources there is.
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All humans are social and communal creatures. It’s how we are wired and how we evolved. Even introverts want to have meaningful and deep relationships with people who truly see us and understand us. But there are a lot of factors in the modern world that make it much tougher to have those types of relationships, and that has only become more the case since Covid.
There are many things in modern life that we can turn to instead of community with others, but they are cheap stand ins that will not make us as happy or content. If you want to create real relationships you have to be willing to be vulnerable and open with people. Not only that, at times you must do this first, before the other person. It can be scary, but someone has to go first. You’ll never form a bond if no one ever opens up. When we are open about ourselves and we are seen and accepted anyway, it fulfills a deep human need.
We also must have fun and laugh with our friends. Don’t take everything so seriously, life is too short. Don’t be afraid to ask others for help when you are struggling or in trouble, because other people will probably want to do the same in reverse. None of us can figure everything out on our own, but nor should we try to because we are all capable of helping each other.
The best relationships will also challenge us to continually grow and get better, rather than only telling us what we want to hear. Real friends humbly admit when they are wrong, and also forgive others when they have been wronged. Keeping score and being preoccupied with who is right more often does nothing to serve any type of relationship that you have.
Don’t become so involved with your relationships that you lose your identity though; everyone will need space at times to do their own thing and focus on themselves. There is a reason that there is so much research showing how impactful the strength of our relationships is on our overall happiness and well-being!
CPA tip of the week: Don't quit on the CPA exam.
Some people can take and pass them all when they're in college.
Some people start after graduating and can't finish for years.
Some people don't start until they're 30 and pass in 6 months and others take 10 years of trial and error and eventually pass them.
It's your own timing. Your journey is what it is.
Use your experience to help you through it.
The only way to fail is to quit.
The only way to get it done is to keep moving forward.
Keep going, you got this!
If you need a coach or a mentor on the CPA exam I would love to help you and work together; please check out my website below:
Guiding Accounting Firms Through Technology, Process, & People Changes | Championing Effective Change Leadership | Minimizing Employee Friction
5moBlake Carroll, CPA - I just helped my son walk through letting a friend go. He's a teenager and, man, did I have a ton of empathy in my heart for the other teenager. It's not easy being a teen. But, there is something to be said about learning how to do it gracefully and not being an a$$. Because, you're right, it is normal and it is part of life. I'm sure the boy was hurt, but at least I know my kid did his best not to sling mud on the way.