How to Hear What You Don't Want to Hear

Recently, I received some less than stellar information about a research project that I am involved in. I felt frustrated — unhappily contemplating what might happen next. My mind seem to be racing into negative oblivion, and I had to intervene quickly to stop the process.

I believe that my initial response was quite typical, as negative information can really throw most of us totally off-course. There isn't one of us that enjoys hearing negative information about our work or our businesses. We all hate the negative stuff, and this can be particularly difficult when we already feel like we are struggling to make forward progress. Whether it is negative data, a negative opinion or negative feedback from a customer, processing this information can prove challenging. Once the negative information is presented — it seems that we can think of nothing else.

Interestingly, our brains may be wired to selectively pay more attention to negative information. As a result, over-reaction and panic can often occur. However, utilizing "bad" news wisely, can become a clear contributor to future success and survival.

Predictably, most of us need a plan to wade through the emotional "muck" ,and reach the safety of the shore on the other side.

Some ideas for that::

• Don't kill (or injure) the messenger. We have to stop ourselves from "acting out" against those that offer us information, that in the long run may help us make better decisions. In most cases, the information presented wasn't caused by the presenter or the researcher involved. Try to keep this in mind.
• Attempt to accept it. If you tend to be a "late adopter" when it comes to challenging news - prepare yourself and open your mind. This could be the real thing - and denial isn't ever a viable option.
  
• Don't let it derail you. If the situation makes you feel that it will cause a real setback - attempt to lessen the blow by reflecting on your successes. Putting negative information into perspective is key here — and can help alleviate stress — so practice self-compassion.
• Calm it down. It is nearly impossible to process negative information quickly. I make it a point to wait 24 hours, before I comment on negative opinions or feedback. It's simply safer that way. You need to reflect a bit, before you can act appropriately.
• Don't brainstorm solutions right away. I don't believe in pushing this step — and I've seen many situations where this process may have started prematurely. It is better to let a group adjust to the information and think on things, before asking them to respond. Overall, you'll gather better solutions in this manner.
• Stand up for truth. Above all, don't try to to brush the information "under the proverbial rug". All types of information (even the negative variety) can help you down the line. If you can remember this — you are ahead of the game.

How do you process negative information or data? Share your strategies.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Organizational Psychologist and coach. She also writes The Office Blend.