Lame Things Most Job Applicants Say But Think Are Unique / Good

Creating jobs is best and worst thing about running a business. It's the best because you can make a difference in people's lives and choose amazing people to work with you. It's the worst because reading bad cover letters and squirming through awkward interviews is about as fun as drinking semi-gloss paint.

Not long ago, I reviewed a couple hundred resumes for a handful of positions at my startup, Contently. We're fortunate to have caught a big wave in the publishing and advertising industry, and we've been growing quickly. As such, I recently spent a weekend in the office reading "Objective" statements, emailing with prospective candidates, and occasionally scratching my head at clownish LinkedIn profile pics.

Fact is, most people are decent job appliers. Only a relative minority misspells the word "consideration" in the opening sentence, and a smaller number applies with the email address westcoaststud@aol.com. But in my marathon review, I was reminded of a pattern that I've noticed now after several years of hiring:

Despite not making obvious application blunders, most people say the same clichéd things in their resumes and interviews, and all of them think they're being clever.

Here's a list of the egregious ones that pop up frequently:

"My experience makes me ideally suited for this position."

First of all, this presupposes that you know what's in the hiring manager's head. Second of all, if you're indeed ideally suited for the position, it should be self-evident. Your application shouldn't require you to say so.

But second of all, 90% of people end the first paragraph of their cover letter with a variation on this sentence. Evidently, this "rule" was at one point inserted into every writing class textbook in America. As soon as I come across this sentence, I lump the writer in with the other 90%—which is not what you want, BTW.

"I am happily employed but would explore the opportunity to work with you…"

A surprising number of applications that come my way include something to this effect. It appears that the applicant is trying to indicate his or her employability, or sort of play hard to get. But I immediately ask myself, "Why did this guy go out of his way to write a careful cover letter if he's happy at his job?"

Also, tellingly, not a few candidates that used this line were either a) self-employed; or b) had started their current job in 2013. All I'm going to say is the last thing you want a hiring manager to be is suspicious.

"I'm flexible and would love to be considered for any open position…"

Let's pretend you are hiring an airplane pilot, and two people apply. One says, "I've been a pilot all my career, and all I ever wanted to do was be a pilot!" The other says, "I'm a pilot, but if you need a flight attendant or someone to drive the luggage cart or be the new CEO of the airport, I'll do any of those, too!" Who are you going to hire?

The first sounds like a credible, enthusiastic potential hire (the best kind!). The second sounds desperate and, even if he is just as good of a pilot as the other, saying, "PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB, I'LL DO ANNNNNYYYYYTHIIIIINNNNG!" no matter how subtly, makes it easy to question his employability.

I know the temptation: often the person who writes this is trying to indicate his or her adaptability. That's great. If that is something the hiring manager is after, I suggest telling a story that indicates your ability to roll with the punches—either in the cover letter (but keep it short) or in the interview. Stories are more powerful than trite lines, and as they say, it's better to demonstrate than to simply assert.

The only time this is an acceptable thing to say is if you're applying to be an intern at your dream company. (If some young person tells me she wants to one day be an executive at Contently, her favorite company in the world, and she's willing to mop the floors until she gets the chance to become a Junior Deputy Assistant Copy Machine Operator and work her way up, I will definitely take a second look at her application.) Otherwise, don't hedge.

"I'm a people person!"

I like people. I like people people. But somehow 90% of people I interview feel it's important to point out that "people person" is their #1 strength.

I—and I dare say most hiring managers—operate under the default assumption that everyone is a people person. When the fortieth person says, "One of my greatest strengths is that I'm a people person," what I really hear is "I read somewhere that I'm supposed to say this."

"I take my work home with me…"

Ah, the classic answer to what is perhaps the world's worst interview question: "What's your biggest weakness?" I hope at this point that most people know that "I work too hard and am too awesome" is not a valid weakness, and a thin disguise.

Perplexingly, several cover letters I've read recently contain this line as a preemptive. Aside from being cliché, this confession indicates to me that the person equates work with time spent. In my book, "I like to get all my work done in half the time and take naps," is much more attractive than, "I work tons of hours."

But who am I to talk. I'm writing this post from the office on a Sunday. Perhaps my greatest weakness is not taking my own advice.

What job hunt clichés make you cringe?

Or, perhaps more interestingly, which have you used?

(I've at one point used all the above but #2!)

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Shane Snow is Chief Creative Officer of Contently. He writes about media and technology for Wired, Fast Company, Ad Age, and more, and tweets at @shanesnow.

(Amazing Steve Martin photo is Creative Commons via Wikipedia)