Why It Matters If You Talk to Co-Workers in a Happy Manner

I’m trying to sound happier when I talk to the people I work with.

For instance, on the phone, I have the bad habit of grunting an indistinct “Hello,” without even taking my eyes off the computer screen, quite rude.

Why does it matter how I talk to my co-workers or answer the phone? First of all, I want act the way I want to feel”; by sounding happy and friendly and energetic, I’m more likely to feel happy and friendly and energetic.

Although we presume that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. More than a century ago, philosopher and psychologist William James described this phenomenon: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.” By acting as if you feel a certain way, you induce that emotion in yourself.

I use this strategy on myself. If I feel shy, I act friendly. It’s uncannily effective.

Also, as Daniel Goleman points out in his book Emotional Intelligence, emotions are highly contagious. Studies show that we unconsciously imitate emotions we see others display, and so people spread their moods to others—whether good moods or bad moods.

So answering the phone with a “I’m happy to talk to you!” voice instead of a “You’re interrupting me!” voice gives other people a boost.

Now, why is this so hard to do, when it’s really just plain good manners? It really takes a lot of effort. But I’m trying: I know that pumping up the enthusiasm in my voice will make me feel happier (because the way we act affects the way we feel) and will make other people feel happier too (because of emotional contagion).

• I'm putting the finishing touches on Better Than Before, my book about how we make and break habits. In it, I reveal the secret of habit-formation -- really! It's available for pre-order here.

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  Gretchen Rubin is the author of the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, The Happiness Project and Happier at Home. She writes about happiness and habit-formation (the subject of her next book, Better Than Before) at gretchenrubin.com. Follow her here by clicking the yellow FOLLOW button, on Twitter, @gretchenrubin, on Facebook, facebook.com/GretchenRubin.

  Photo: MoShotz, Flickr