24 years and full disclosure......... Mental Health...u think you get it...please....open your eyes and ears!

I have pondered to write this post for over 5 years as there is so much stigma towards Mental Health issues....really....no....surely not....hell yes!

I have worked for the most amazing companies in the world...have I disclosed at any time that I have suffered from severe depression...no...do I look that stupid....well yes...am I that stupid..no! Why? I have seen so much stigma at every level of businesses where it is classed as "Nutter, mad person, out of control, unmanageable"...is it the companies fault...sadly not...why? Society is still so ignorant and has such a lack of understanding what Mental Illness means for the individual and fact...they are not going mad...they just need help and guidance and in many cases...need to be medicated...

How would I know...surely a funny person with so much zest for life can never have suffered from depression...how wrong you are....why and how?

Mental illness is invisible...how would you know....? Trust me I have spent more time in toilets trying to work out what the hell I am going to say to people, how I will act and will anyone find me out....they are great places to keep up with the news...but after a while...yes...

If I use my background as a very good example...it is so many times elements that are out of your control and in many cases genetic....what...genetic...yes....

I was born form parents..wait for it....my father was bi-polar...manic depressive ...and my mother was an alcoholic....what a great mix I hear you say...no...shit...but what could I do about it..not much...so ...yes I was susceptible from birth....so deal with it..some would say..ok...I did until the age of 25.....

I am a man so invisible...please....give me a break...but how did I know any different....I had an interesting child hood...but we wont go there now...but you can imagine....however the point here is.....depression, alcoholism are all hereditary...thank god I don't like drink that much.....

So back to the story....I was very unhappy when I was younger, devastated when we got kicked out of our house and I had to look after my parents at the age of 21 and their relationship was "special"....however pressure, life, trying to make a career are all factors that influence your state of mind....I was very unhappy, had an ulcer and did not talk much about life...just played tennis and tried to chase woman (was pretty rubbish)....well compared to my forehand...actually crap!

How long have I suffered from depression, actually 24 years....have I been depressed for 24 years...ofcourse not...but once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.....someone asked me whether I wanted to commit suicide...hell yes...meet someone who has ever been very depressed, it crosses your mind....and is very tempting...but unless your life is very terrible you never get there...however, if you do, no one will ever understand....is this too much disclosure...possible, do I care now...why, I am respected in the industry for "What" I am and not "Who" I am ......

How did I get through it...very simple...a very strong and supportive wife, a great doctor and quite frankly great medicine.....

What is the hardest thing about depression and managing your lifestyle......Imagine you are a glass of water....we manage our emotions all day and every day....you should never get to 49% of the capacity of water...why? That is called depression.....if you manage your life, emotions, feelings to 50% and above.,.you can move very quickly from 50% to 80% and back down to 70%..however....49% and below needs medication, as soon as you hit 49% the only way is down, a bit like momentum....it does not stop.....

What happens when you take medication....the term is, you have to go to hell and then come back...you move from 49% to about 15% and then come back...depending on how many times you have been depressed and what works for you....different drugs work for people in different ways....one drug got me back to a fighting weight when i was young, 32 waist...I bought new suits.(fool) and then came off them....including in this is massive sweats, so dont think this is a walk in the park......

Where am I now? I am on medication to keep me stable...why? Life is hard, I have been made redundant, worked for myself when Brexit happened an fundamentally are concerned about the future.....so I need a crutch!

Is every depression like the last...in short no...the last one for me was massive anxiety and panic attacks...please just support this invisible disease and don't treat us as outcasts...

What is my advice to others suffering from depression - never take a day off work..once you are off, I have seen others take time off work...you will get through it and you have faked it enough already....people will see a change, but not put two and two together....it is a bit like losing my father and mother and going back to work....you don't want or need sympathy...as it sets you off....don't give anyone a chance......

Does counselling work - HELL YES....I have had over 1,000 hours of counselling...family bereavement counselling and normal.....don't be afraid,....do it....yes, the first call is hard...to work out whether you are on suicide watch.....it is hard...you will cry, but help yourself to help others....we need to fight this bastard...and educate others....

Those who know me will not be surprised by this story, even though I have never discussed it....but what is my ask...

Society needs to get it, corporations need to stop talking and start acting, why is this such a killer? It is invisible....it is not a scratch or broken arm......

How brave do you need to be, to be honest and let others know and help others...very....I know that people can understand why I am me........

I am happy to support mental health charities to spread the word.....ignorance is bliss, but ignorance is dangerous....