3 Crucial Lessons from my Dad's Life

Today is the first anniversary of my father’s passing. It is a somber day for our family to grieve, and yet it is also a moment to reflect on his presence and celebrate his life.

He taught us the art of living through his parental guidance, his commitment to his family, and how he handled the ups and downs of life. However, I learned more about the art of living while spending time with him during the last 45 days of his life, when his life-force was diminishing every day, bit by bit. His smile and laughter were getting subdued by the day, replaced by his continuous expressions of pain. It was a painful sight for us, but it was hard to imagine the pain he was going through. I was trying to recognize his strong guiding force, a spirit that was still hidden in the frail body.

I recorded many of the moments with him to remind myself of the ultimate reality that we all must go through. My dad, like most of us, was a very ambitious and hard-working man, dedicated to the happiness and welfare of his family. His teachings have transcended from him to my adult children, with me as the medium, reminding us that we are all just the medium of passing the teachings and genes from our ancestors to our successors.

After my father’s demise, I talked to many friends who had lost their parents and loved ones recently. In many of these cases, they did not want to talk about it because the memories were very painful. Many of these conversations were filled with regrets about not having spent enough time together because of the suddenness of the loss. A lot of these conversations were about words felt but never spoken. These unspoken words remain like ghosts in our consciousness because they would never be spoken again as the person to be spoken to, is already gone forever.

Here are 3 lessons I concluded from the experience of my father’s passing and the subsequent conversations with my friends:

1. Life is temporary: We are all here on this planet for a short time. As a friend recently shared over lunch, the beginning days and ending days of life are very similar. We are powerless, and we depend on our immediate family / caregiver for comfort and well-being. None of us can transcend this journey alone, and hence family and community are crucial for our survival during the beginning, end, and middle. Hence, be a giver of love, care, compassion, and support throughout your life, and pray that Karma supports you at the end.
2. Minimize regrets: Our lives are busy with deadlines, goals, and plans. In the words of Stephen Covey, we often ignore important but not urgent parts of life to make way for urgent demands. As a result, we miss out on crucial conversations and moments with our loved ones. We must embrace our humanness and understand that no matter how much we try, we will have some regrets at the end of our lives. Our goal is to minimize these regrets. Often, we live our lives to impress others and to prove to ourselves that we deserve love and respect by focusing on external milestones and markers of success. But there are many invisible markers of success, visible only to you within the chamber of our own hearts. Some of these invisible markers that are crucial for the quality of your life are: integrity and honesty in day-to-day dealings leading to a good night’s sleep; harmony and love inside your home, moments to share love with friends and family; living an authentic life— embracing yourself with your strengths and weaknesses and living each day your God-given purpose.
3. Embrace the reality of death: Steve Jobs once said that death is the ultimate invention and equalizer of life. Death is as real as birth, and yet we celebrate one and hide the other. Often, I hear that if we remind ourselves that we are going to die and that our lives are temporary, we will stop working and give up. Hence, we try to hide this reality and live like we have unlimited time. We face this reality only when we must: either for ourselves or for our loved ones.  However, this approach leads to more regrets because we live like the silent majority, doing things because everyone else is doing so. As mentioned in the earlier point, if the goal is to minimize regrets, the awareness of our limited time, forces us to focus on what is important: our health, our relationships, our authentic passion, and purpose, in addition to just finance and career.

As I remember my dad’s life, I remember his hugs, his warm support and guidance when needed, his admonitions when I was wrong, and above all, his unspoken love that I always knew to be available for me and other members of the family. With his memories in my heart, I hug my family because love is an emotion that fuels our lives, and we have limited time to love and be loved.

Let my dad’s example be a reminder for you to smile big, love unconditionally, and never stop living your authentic life.

#authenticliving #lifelessons #dadslessons #minimizregrets #lifeisshort