The 3 Harsh Realities of Life

Just like everyone, I've made a lot of mistakes, some worse than others. Here are the 3 cold hard truths that helped me pivot my thinking and ultimately, become a happier and more fulfilled individual.

I think it is appropriate to put a trigger warning here because it will be offensive to some people! Focus on taking care of your mental health and well-being first, always.

You Are the Problem

This was the hardest pill I have ever had to swallow and it sucked admitting it, but it was also incredibly liberating. Recognizing I was the problem meant 1 more thing: I am also the solution. Afterall, the only thing you have control over is yourself and trust me I have tried very hard to change other people, get them to see things in another way, do things differently, etc.

It simply does not work.

When you admit and own that you are the problem, you can then be the solution and work on changing, learning, and growing to become a better version of yourself. This means your actions, reactions, thoughts, beliefs, and behavioural patterns. When you recognize the parts of your life that are no longer in alignment with where it is you want to go, you can work on building a path forward and that will require you to adopt new ways of thinking, feeling, acting and behaving so you can be a different version of yourself.

There will be a series of growing pains and you may find yourself losing people, places, and situations in the process. This is normal but do not fill the space with meaningless nonsense, keep going down your path. You will naturally find people, places, and situations that will be in better alignment with where it is you wish to go. It will hurt a lot but I promise, you will come out stronger and wiser.

No One Will Save You

Most of my life I believed that when the right "Someone" appears, my life will automatically become better. Whether it was in my personal or professional life, a part of me had always hoped someone or something would magically appear and make the void I felt go away and my zest for life would magically appear when that person or thing came along. I would just know when it happened so I carried on living a mediocre life.

You know what happened instead? "Someone" brought suffering, pain, dependence, and misery. Happiness is a HUGE burden and task to offload and outsource to anyone or anything else outside of yourself. So instead, I learned how to take back control of everything in my life.

My peace and time became the most expensive assets as I learn to stand more firmly in my self-worth.

If you want to continue waiting for "Someone" to save you, fine.

But what if you die alone? What then? Are you assuming you'll be reincarnated into someone else so you can live another life? Are you going to be one of the people laying on their death bed listing out all your regrets?

I know I'm not so I sought out the tools to equip me with carving out my own life path. If you need tools to help, I am accepting 1:1 clients.

We are and should be our ultimate source of happiness. Anyone else is a cherry on top. Outsourcing the responsibility onto others is doing yourself a complete disservice because you are stripping yourself of the power you have. Instead, choosing to put another on a pedestal and allowing a person to quite literally steer the entire course of your life down a path where 1 or two things happen:

1. You build an unhealthy level of co-dependence which will result in a complete loss of self-identity or;
2. One or both of you will build and have a level of resentment that will grow more and more unbearable until it is perhaps, beyond repair.

Work on building and standing firm in boundaries before any level of resentment can build or form. You are a whole and complete individual so do not outsource any responsibility onto others.

You Always Pay the Price

I grew up often hearing from my parents, "先甜后苦, 先苦后甜," which literally translates to: "First sweet then bitter, first bitter than sweet."

I never appreciated the depth of their sentiments until I got older but I've often listened to their advice and chose to delay gratification so I could reap the rewards of my labour later. Every time I have chose the reverse, I've suffered later.

Regardless of the choice you make, there is always a price tag. You either pay it now or later and you get to choose. One thing my parents failed to mention is the power of compound interest in the sentiments. Do not assume that just because you choose not to pay it now that you will not pay it later. This can come nicely like being able to retire by 40 or quite catastrophically like a very expensive car repair because you kept putting maintenance off. Always learn the price of your action/inactions and be prepared to pay for each and every thing in your life.