3 Keys to a Successful Relationship

I talk a lot about how to get from being single to a relationship, but today I wanted to dig in a little deeper into how to actually be successful in a relationship. That is the ultimate goal, isn’t it? I don’t want my clients getting into a relationship only to have a hard time making it a good one.

I just got married in November after 5 years with my wife, and I wanted to share a little about what I think makes our relationship a success, that goes for everyone.

Number one is of course, a shared love and trust. Do you two have a deep, meaningful and fulfilling connection? If that is missing, there really may not be much more to do or share in the relationship. This person should be your best friend and lover! That is the basic necessity for a loving relationship. I look to the advice of the greats like John Gottman, who along with his wife, is a psychologist whose research is at the forefront of couples therapy. His research has given his team the ability to predict if a couple is headed for divorce within 94% accuracy. He outlines the four horsemen that will lead to the downfall of a relationship:

1. Criticism (attacking the core of their character)
2. Contempt (actually being mean and assuming a morally superior position)
3. Defensiveness (feeling wrongly accused and playing the victim)
4. Stonewalling (completely withdrawing when conflict arises)

The second key to a successful relationship is sharing the same values, goals and outlook on life. No matter what happens in life, If the both of you are on the same page on these things, you can make it through anything. What do I mean by this? I mean wanting the same things and reaching the same destination in life, not necessarily sharing all the same hobbies and interests (although this is helpful of course). Do you both see your life the same in 20 years? Do you both want kids? Do you both have a desire for a better future? Does your partner support your goals? Do you share a similar philosophy on life or religion? Do your moral codes match up?

In other words, with all that life throws at you, can you make it through with that strong foundation you guys share?

Number three is continually putting work into the relationship. Look at love like a garden that needs continuous watering and sunlight to survive. You wouldn’t just stop watering your plants if you wanted them to grow would you? It takes a great deal of respect, humility and generosity to maintain a beautiful relationship. That doesn’t mean it has to be perfect, but if both of you are in a state of giving to one another, you both will feel like your cups are full.

After finding my soulmate in this life, my hope is to help as many people as I can find theirs, because I know the joy it brings to have a loving and supportive partner. This is my passion in life!

If you are interested in working with me, don’t hesitate! Message me here. Love is out there waiting for you! 💌