3 Questions that can make you a better leader

What is the future of leadership?

What skills will be required by the leaders?

The future of leadership is about being more empathetic, more mindful and more humble.

According to Michael B Stainer, Author of The Advice Trap, these three qualities can build on each other, provided we have clarity about what exactly these skills are.

Empathy – A greater sense of what’s real for the other person.

Mindfulness – A greater sense of what’s real about the situation.

Humility – A greater sense of what’s real about you.

Empathy leads to mindfulness leads to humility.

Being humble means that you control less, and influence more than you realize. Humility gives you access to a deeper sense and understanding of what’s real about you.

So, what is the transition that the present leaders must make in their people leadership?

The leaders will have to move away from problem solving to coaching. The leaders will have to be more intentional when asked for advice. They will have to develop an underutilized muscle: Curiosity.

The advice trap - When people come to you with their difficulties or problems, we tend to kickstart the problem-solving process. We start asking probing questions, discussing alternatives, and selecting the best course. Participative managers discuss while more authoritarian managers start dictating the solutions.

How can we avoid the advice trap?

The best time is at the beginning of the conversation.

Rather than giving advice, try to save the situation or the person or at worst try to control everything and everyone we decide to empower the other person.

The 3 urges that we usually have

1.    Control it - I must stay in control – If I don’t stay in control, it and manage, we all will fail.

2.    Save it – I am responsible for it all. If I don’t save it and rescue everyone and everything, we all will fail.

3.    Tell It – I must have all the answers. If I do not tell it, nothing will get solved and we all will fail.

The three urges can help you solve a problem in the short run. But in case the problem re- occurs, your people will run back to you, and you will have to get into the process again and again and again.

Try Influencing - Influencing needs time. Curiosity can help you stay in the game longer and that too without jumping to give advice.

Questions are the kindling of curiosity.

The simple and powerful questions can help you stay curious and focused.

1.    What is the real challenge here for you? It is a focus question. It establishes at the start of the conversation neither of us know what’s going on. It positions you to the important thing for both of us to do in the beginning is to discuss and find out what is the critical issue. So that we can avoid providing a fast wrong answer.

2.    And what else? The first answer that people provide may not be the only answer. It may not be their best answer. People are unable to think deeply when they are in a rush. This question helps us to go deeper and further on any question that we have asked earlier.

In case you want to push people further, you can repeat the AWE question.

3.    What do you want? Once we are clear on what we want, it becomes a clear foundation for action. When people are clear about what they want, they are ready to work on their autonomy and competence.

Once people start working on their autonomy and competence, they themselves will not need our advice. They will expect discussion, feedback, encouragement, resources, or authority. Then automatically the need for the leader to tell, save or control is not there.

You can reach me at charanjit@impactconsultants.co.in for any leadership development initiative.

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