3 Tips For Better Communication

Communication under pins our effectiveness in most areas of life. The quality of our relationships both professional and personal, is greatly affected by the quality of our communication. Our ability to share ideas, to inspire and motivate, to influence and lead and to listen and comprehend, is in our ability to communicate. Interpersonal connections such as rapport, collaboration, partnership and team-work, all fall over when the communication fails. The best ideas remain only as ideas without the ability to effectively communicate them.

Through my thousands of hours of coaching and facilitation for individuals, couples, teams, leaders and organisations, it has become evident that most impasses, conflicts and interpersonal dysfunctions are due to miscommunication. There are also a lot of things that don’t get said (despite it being in the best interest of the ‘greater good’) for fear of confrontation or honest conversations going pear-shaped.

So here are three tips for more effective communication. They all form parts of a process of more 'Conscious Comms'.

Tip 1 - Understand Why

What is the purpose of the particular communication? Is it the sharing of information? Is it to deepen connection or rapport? Is it to simply give directions or is it to communicate a deeper emotion or feeling? If you are the communicator, perhaps you may even let the other person (or people) know from the outset, what your intention of the communication is. If you have been approached by someone wanting to communicate with you, seek to ascertain the real need they have in that moment. They may present as having a problem that needs fixing, when really they are just wanting to express themselves and be understood. Serve the purpose of the comms rather than yourself.

Tip 2 - Understand Who

Who is it you are communicating with? What is their behavioural style? Are they short and to the point, or do they prefer to spend some time with small talk? Do they want a lot of detail or do they want a dot point summary? If you are the communicator, adjust your delivery depending on who you're talking with. Don't waffle or fluff around the point if you know they prefer it straight. If they are someone who values the relationship more than the result, schedule time to ask them how they are before jumping straight to the business. If you are the listener and they express themselves in circles saying the same thing in five different ways, breathe calmly, remain present and give them the time. If they tend to barge in and go straight to the point, and you prefer some niceties, honour their style and be ok with it. Remember, your way is not the only way and this is not about you, it's about better communication ;)

Tip 3 - Remain Curious

Communication is limited if the parties are close-minded. If you feel like you know best, or know all there is to know on the topic, then you won't be listening. Listening and seeking to understand are imperative parts of successful communication. If you notice yourself queuing up to speak, to defend your point of view or dismiss the other person's ideas, then pause. Take a breath and return your attention to them. You may have jumped to the end already; bring yourself back in to the moment. Notice more carefully their energy. See if you can ascertain their emotional state. Be really curious as to what they want or are trying to communicate in this moment. Is it face value, or is there subtext? How can you make them feel heard? This doesn't mean you will always end up agreeing with them or adopting their point of view, but the communication process will be much smoother if you soften your grip on 'being right'. And who knows, you might open up to another idea you'd never thought of.

Serve the purpose and communication process itself, rather than serving yourself.