5 Choices for a Life of Total Freedom in our Chaotic, Volatile World

A client and I were having lunch and it happened again. Here, I thought I didn't have much to offer this guy, you know, the usual imposter syndrome. He had a couple of PhDs, about 40 IQ points over me, and was working for one of the most prestigious management consulting firms in the world. He had helped to develop some cutting-edge algorithms that could supposedly predict customer loyalty and had built a major service excellence practice for his firm.

I figured he was not terribly impressed with what I was up to.

Instead, he started asking about my lifestyle as an executive coach, leadership advisor, facilitator, and trainer.

I told him the truth: great hours; comfortable income; wonderful and fascinating clients; and time for a rewarding family life, lots of tennis, yoga classes with my wife twice a week, new lessons to learn how to shoot sporting clays, time fishing with my son, and time to launch a series of new training programs about influence this year. Basically I'm blessed beyond belief.

I was surprised when he asked me how he could get into this field, although perhaps I shouldn't be, because this happens a lot.

The fact is that, while I don't earn as much as many of my business school classmates from long ago, I think I have much more freedom. Now lots of people want to know how I did it, and how they can do it too.

A lot has to do with my personality. I was always a terrible employee and never understood why it took so long to get things done in any organization with more than 20 people -- especially those with Human Resources, Purchasing, and Accounting departments -- and so I didn't have much choice but to launch my own business at some point along the way.

If you want to be an Executive, Leadership, Business, or Career Coach, my advice is to get Certified with the Center for Executive Coaching. There, I can show you how to get the same kind of freedom I have. But this article isn't meant to be a marketing pitch. If you just want to enjoy a totally free life in general, even if becoming a leadership coach isn't your thing, here are five choices that you should make part of your life:

Choice One: Right Mindset

I used to have a mindset that I now realize was pretty entitled. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't going to lead to fulfillment. To become free, I had to make a shift to living out of the following mindsets instead:

• I only live once. None of this is a dress rehearsal and life is really quite short. Around age 25 I realized that if I wanted to live the life I really wanted to live, I had to start living every day like it mattered. I had to start doing things not just as if I wanted to do them, but as if I had to do them.
• I am responsible for my choices, as well as how I perceive things. I can experience things negatively or positively, as a chore or an opportunity and privilege.
• I get what I tolerate. If I am not happy in my present situation, I need to do what it takes to get happy. This includes removing people from my network of relationships if they are creating negativity in my personal life or career.
• No one owes me anything -- not my parents, the government, my employer, my spouse, my kids, or anyone else. It is up to me.
• I should lighten up and have a positive attitude about things. See the first bullet point.
• There is possibility and opportunity everywhere. I need to stop being a big baby and start seeing it.
• It never hurts to ask. If people say no, I can always try again, maybe with a different approach. It doesn't make sense to take a "no" personally. See the first bullet point.
• I will be a lot nicer to people. It seems to get better results than being a cynical prick to them.

There are others. You can pick your own mindsets for freedom that work for you.

Choice Two: Live Beneath Your Means

In the case that started the article, the client ended the conversation the way most people do. He said, "I'd love to do what you do, but it is too late. I have kids in private school and my lifestyle is a bit too rich to start some new direction."

Younger people tell me that they are just starting out and can't afford to take the risk.

So if neither younger people nor people further along in their careers can afford to do what they really want, then who can?

Only those who choose to manage their finances wisely.

Live beneath your means early on, and later on, too. Don't let lifestyle inflation get you.

More importantly, don't marry or get entangled with someone who will let lifestyle inflation get to them -- because then it will get to you, too. This is as important as checking into a prospective spouse's religion, politics, and desire to have children or not. Check their debt. Check their spending habits. Ask what kind of lifestyle they want to have. Ask to see their current budget; if they don't have one, that's as big a red flag as genital warts.

Always have f*** you money. Then build up a bigger and bigger pot of it.

Some huge percentage of Americans don't have $400 saved up. They are always going to need a job. They are always going to be dependent. They are, in essence, economic slaves. They will never be free until they figure out how to save enough f*** you money.

There are people earning $250,000 per year who are still living paycheck to paycheck. Lots of them live in big cities, and are worse of now that they can't deduct much of their property taxes any longer. They have beautiful homes and cars they can't afford. They have kids in private schools they can't afford either. They have gym memberships they don't use. They buy clothes they shouldn't be buying. They are keeping up an image that is economically enslaving them.

If this is you, stop it. You are choosing to be proud and vain instead of choosing to be free. If you have a spouse who won't let you give up this pride and vanity, you might be better served giving up your spouse. Send him or her this article, and ask them what they think. I know a couple of couples who went broke during the last recession because they were too proud to give up appearances. Why let this happen to you?

Maybe it is too late for you, and you can at least send this article to your kids. Maybe you can catch one just in time, if they are close to tying the knot with someone you know comes with severe lifestyle inflation. You can save your kid from the equivalent of a prison sentence.

Cars and houses depreciate and eventually become worthless. Private schools often have some pretty troubled kids that will be bad influences on your own kids. In contrast, economic freedom is priceless.

Choice Three: Develop a skill that you enjoy using and that others will pay for

If you do something you enjoy doing, and that is valuable, you can always find customers or clients. You might have to upgrade your skills over time to keep up with our rapidly changing market and remain relevant, but this is the fundamental foundation of being free.

Most of you already have this. It just might be that you aren't using your skill and value to your full advantage, because your current employer has you trained (brainwashed?) to believe that you are only valuable in the context of an employment agreement. This is not accurate. There are now millions of freelancers who are building businesses based on skills they have and enjoy using. Yes, you have to factor in loss of certain benefits and perks. Maybe you have to get creative and think a bit differently in how you offer your services. Maybe you have to bundles a different set of solutions, or target different types of companies. But there is a way for those who have the desire to be free.

It is better to have 10 clients than a single one. Do some risk management math and tell me what happens in both cases when you lose one client.

Choice Four: Learn to influence (including selling your skills)

Influence is a huge topic, and it encompasses a set of skills everyone needs to learn. These skills include selling, marketing, and persuading people in a variety of one-on-one situations. Unfortunately, most formal education institutions don't teach it, and most people don't know these skills.

Selling was the branch of influence that probably kept me from going out on my own for the longest time. I thought there was some magic formula or script to selling. But there really isn't. Now I just ask good questions to understand what my client wants, and to gauge whether or not he or she is really serious about hiring me. It's a natural conversation to assess fit and figure out the best solution.

If you want to be free, it is worth investing your time and some money in courses to learn to market yourself, sell your services, and influence others.

In fact, here is a thought experiment for you. Let's say you have $200,000 saved up for your child's college education. If you do, congratulations! Now for the bad news: Assume that your child isn't a top-tier student and is unlikely to get into one of the top 20 colleges, and won't get into the highly competitive state school at the lower tuition rate. Would you rather:

1. Invest the $200,000 in the S+P 500 for 40 years and give all or some of it to your child on his retirement, when it might have doubled quite a few times and be worth about $3 - $5 million. Meanwhile, you agree to pay about $2,500 for a great sales training for your kid, enroll him in a local ToastMasters program, help him apply for a sales job in a growing company, and then see what he does with it. Heck, why not throw in a few of those Great Teachers/Courses programs that you see advertised in Smithsonian Magazine for him, assuming he will listen to them? I'm being a bit facetious in the way I've laid out this option so far, but you have plenty of money in the $200,000 pot to give him a stake for a good initial start in life and still invest the rest.
2. Spend the $200,000 on a middle-of-the pack liberal arts private school and hope for the best. Add another $50,000 in case he needs the five-year plan. Add another $50,000 because the stats show that many kids need the six-year plan.

I've surveyed some of my wealthier friends and most of them choose option one. Keep in mind that many of them never went to college at all and have done great. It's a biased sample, but still...It shows the value of influence plus working smart, working hard, having a skill, and developing a great attitude over wasting money in what has become an over-rated and flaccid education system. As the contrarian and brilliant author Nassim Nicholas Taleb (most recently Skin in the Game) notes, our current education system might not so much create/enable a wealthy society but more be the product and consumable outcome of it.

Choice Five: Spend your time wisely

Finally, being free doesn't mean being lazy and lax. If you spend your time playing video games or watching Judge Judy all day, you are no better than a dog with an Internet or cable connection.

Time is our most precious asset because it is non-renewable. If you have a skill that people value, at some point you want to go from trading your time for dollars to building leverage. This means that you can take your expertise and offer it in forms that make you money while you do other things. Build courses that you sell online. Hire people and contract them out under your company name; you can even have others sell for you. Create a methodology that you license to others. Create a consulting program, based on a book or training manual you write. Build a service company. Create an online app of some sort. Create an assessment tool. I don't know what's right for you, but I do know that there are dozens of opportunities. Many of you can be more creative than I am and launch much more lucrative and scalable businesses than I have.

If you use your time wisely, and make these five choices, you can be totally free. I know, because I have done it, and I know many other people who have done the same.

It's not hard. It is a choice that must be followed by commitment and action.