#PMOnotes l 5 golden rules of the verbal 1:1 communication

When I was a child, I was open to everything new. I was always ready to meet someone, and every morning I greeted my neighbours in the yard. Then there was school, medical university, and finally a career change in project management. My natural desire to communicate has always been there. Only after 5 years of project management, I realized that communication is a skill that needs to be trained and developed.

At first, I didn't know that communicating is not the same as just talking. Starting a dialogue with someone does not mean conducting high-quality communication. Time passed, and I learned. I learned from my mentors, studied to obtain the PMP certification, and studied during the training sessions. 

Now I'm 36 and know a lot about communication, while there are basic rules that make my life much easier and allow me not only to successfully launch huge programs but also generally increase my enjoyment of life.

Today I want to share with you 5 rules that have taken my communication to a new level, allowed me to achieve goals, and created a pleasant environment in communicating with the interlocutors.

Rule #1 - Receiver and transmitter

This first rule is widely demonstrated in various project management books. In any communication there are two sides - one sends information, and the other receives it. If two parties only send information, then communication will not happen; people will just talk, and no one will listen. At any moment of communication, it is necessary to understand your current role. You either transmit information, or you receive it.

Rule #2 - Distortion of information 

Surely you have been in situations where you say one phrase, putting a certain meaning into it, and your interlocutor hears something completely different. And this is not because your words are incomprehensible or you have poorly explained, it is because of the so-called “noise, filters". To avoid perception distortion, even for everyday tasks, it is important to make sure that the communicated message is clear and well (correctly) received. You can ask “Did you understand my question?”, “What do you think about this?” The answer will allow you to assess whether the content would be understandable and whether additional information is needed for the interlocutor. Just always remember that the specific situation, personal attitude, and many other factors can distort the information you transmit, and sometimes you cannot influence it in any way.

Rule #3 - Transmitting questions

When I tried this technique for the first time, I said to myself, “This can't be real, it's incredible!” Often communication can occur as follows: we are talking about something, we have finished our thought, and there is a pause and silence. The audience is looking for the “right” moment and trying to break into the conversation. I have found a great way to engage other participants in the conversation by using the transmitting questions, these can be in the form of: "What do you think about this?", "How do you like this offer?"

Rule #4 - Include me in the communication

Our communication often begins with the fact that one starts the talk. Unfortunately, it so often happens that others are not ready, do not want to, and cannot listen. You could often observe this on google meet calls, when you may be asked to repeat your question or even someone honestly admits that they didn't listen to you.

Try to engage the audience by using the following questions: “I would like to share one thought about the scope of this project, can you listen to me?” or “I have one idea how we can mitigate this risk, can I suggest it? Such a form of inclusion of others may be a little artificial, but believe me, when you “switch on” your conversation partner, it's as if you are inviting him/her to dance, thus maximum inclusion.

Rule #5 - Never say “I didn't understand, I don't understand”

When someone is making the effort to communicate a topic, and then you use the magic phrase - “I don't understand, explain it again.” There is a more elegant way to make sense of the information that was shared with you. Try to sum up what you have heard and understood, in 1-2 sentences, and then ask “Do I understand correctly that…?” Such formulation of the question will show that you were engaged in the dialogue, and you tried to understand, but there is still some unclarity. With this approach, others will try to deliver the information with more enthusiasm and openness.

These 5 tips have changed my life forever and made the communication process an absolute pleasure. I hope they will change your life too.

If you liked the article, please LIKE it, and after collecting 30 likes, I will write an article “about the 5 biggest mistakes in communications”.