5 Hilarious Sales Tactics That Are So Wrong, They Almost Work

We’ve all come across that salesperson who seems to be out of a bad infomercial, complete with cringe-worthy tactics and audacious claims. While entertaining, these "methods" are best left in the realm of comedy. Let’s take a look at five over-the-top sales tactics that are so absurd, you might just learn what not to do the next time you’re trying to close a deal.

1. The Insult-to-Insight Approach

Ever heard of the saying, "Get them mad, then they’ll buy"? No? That’s because it’s made up. But somehow, Salesy Steve and his ilk seem to swear by insulting their prospects to provoke a reaction. Picture this: “You’re not going to invest in our service? Oh, you must enjoy being a broke loser!” Spoiler alert: that doesn’t land clients; it lands you on their block list.

Instead, aim for genuine insights that empower your clients. Encouragement opens doors where insults slam them shut.

2. The Pain Train Strategy

Digging into people's pain - a sales tradition that goes back hundreds of years I'm sure. The idea is instead of focusing on anything actually related to their situation, your service or what it does for people - you focus on all the painful emotion around how stuck they are. Amplify it to a fever pitch and then offer to be their sweet savior from all that pain. There is more skepticism from prospects around this strategy than ever before meaning nobody's buying the BS. Not to mention, It leads to nightmare clients, unsatisfied clients and ruined reputations.

Understanding a clients pain points is absolutely necessary for sales but it should not be the main focus. A more effective strategy is to focus on using that pain as a launch pad into hope for the future as you solve this problem together. Authoritative empathy, respect and genuine insight into their issues will go much farther than an hour long conversation designed to make them "feel the pain."

3. The Fear Factory Strategy

Ah, the sweet tactics of fear and doom. The idea is to paint the bleakest, most catastrophic future to scare prospects into buying in order to avoid that future. Picture your prospect's horror as you suggest their revenue will plummet unless they invest with you. Sure, fear sells—insurance companies have used it for years—but it doesn't build trust.

Instead, instill confidence by focusing on the positive RESULT your solution creates. Empower clients with hope, not dread.

4. The Overpromise Express

All aboard the train to disappointment! This tactic is about making grandiose promises with little chance of delivery. "Your profits will triple overnight!" might sound exciting, but savvy clients see through the smoke and mirrors. This is a fast track to losing credibility and trust.

Opt for transparency and honesty in your pitches. Tell people who it doesn't work for and when because there's no way it works for everyone. Realistic promises and a track record of results build trust and credibility much faster than empty boasts.

5. The Pushy Pressure Cooker

Some salespeople believe that relentlessly backing a prospect into a corner will eventually lead to a “yes.” Spoiler: it rarely does. Pushy sales tactics only serve to make prospects feel uncomfortable and eager to flee the situation so they can ghost you later. It might look like persistence from the outside, but on the inside it feels aggressive bordering on harrassment.

Instead, focus on offering them something of value that moves them forward and you're there to support them whether they choose you or not. Let them know you’re there to support them, not corner them. This is such a pattern interrupt from what people usually experience that it can make you magnetic to prospects.

While it’s easy to poke fun at these outrageous sales tactics, they offer a valuable lesson in what not to do. True sales success isn’t about outdated tricks or manipulations; it’s about building genuine connections based on trust and understanding.

The next time you’re tempted to channel your inner Salesy Steve, take a breath and remember that authenticity, curiosity and authoritative empathy are your best tools. Let’s leave the ridiculous antics to the realm of satire and focus on strategies that truly resonate with and serve our clients while making lots of sales. Happy selling!

Until next time,

Aleasha

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