5 Leadership Lessons

Great leaders don’t always have all the right answers. Rather, they ask the right questions (Vogt, Brown, & Isaacs, 2003). As I reflect on my past and the person I’ve become, I’m struck by the diversity of mentors, friends, family, and colleagues that have all shaped my thinking and approach as a leader. Despite their wide ranging styles, I’ve come to realize that the one thing they all did exceptionally well was ask questions. Through their questions came wisdom, experience, and lessons I could apply to my own life. They were and continue to be more than generous with me, and I want to pay that forward in an honest and genuine reflection of my experience as a leader. My hope is that what I share will resonate with others and be helpful in some way.

Lesson 1: Repetition Builds Reputation

It’s not the big award or the accolades. It’s not the big moment when you saved the day or created the perfect solution. It’s your daily actions that define you as a person and as a leader. As an undergraduate student at JMU, I had the pleasure of working under the great leadership of several incredible individuals with impressive accomplishments, but that was never what stood out to me. Instead, it was their genuine presence when they listened daily, it was their humble acts in how they served us as leaders, and it was the little gestures that built up day after day that showed us what type of people they really were. For me, I’m reminded daily of just what matters to people. As a boss, it never ceases to amaze me what my team remembers and how they feel most appreciated. It’s often the little things… remembering something personal that’s coming up in their lives, acknowledging their concerns and checking in, or jumping in to lend a hand. As a colleague, I cannot tell you how often I’ve been thanked for simply being considerate, consistent, and reliable. Apparently getting back to people’s email really makes them happy (simple, I know!) And as a mom, my son is the first to remember what I say every morning (“come on, we have to go, we’re running late”) and how I show up for him everyday (thank goodness he loves our bedtime routine)!

Your reputation evolves based on how you treat those around you, not just the stakeholders who have influence on your work, but the people who support you in ways you may not even notice. It’s how you answer emails, it’s how you get back to people, not just when you need something, but when they do. It’s how you carry yourself when you’re stressed, proud, disappointed, and everything in between.

Who you are and how others see you will be defined for you whether you want it to or not.

Pay attention to what you do everyday as that is likely to matter more to others than your fancy resume or bio. It’s the little repetitive actions that ultimately build your reputation.

Questions to Consider:

1. What matters to you?
2. How do you want to be remembered?
3. What are daily things you can do to reinforce your reputation?

Lesson 2: Strive to Respond, Not React

Early in my career, I listened to a women’s panel on career advancement and one of the panelists shared the importance of taking time to think through your response and not succumb to your initial reaction. It was a great reminder for me then and continues to be something I reflect on regularly, especially when I’m feeling frustrated, angry, or annoyed by something. For those who may be wondering about a lack of authenticity, let me say that my response isn’t any less authentic, just more mindful. Patience is a virtue that does not come naturally for me, so it’s important that I guard against it and take some time to think through the many facets of a situation before I respond. I save my reactions for the few trusted people in my life (thank you, you know who you are!) and strive to give my team and my colleagues a more thoughtful response. This isn’t to say that emotions are a negative thing in the workplace; in fact, emotion can be a powerful catalyst when the you’ve taken into account the context of your situation, the politics at play, and the trust you’ve built. Instead, it’s about being deliberate in what you show and when you show it. It should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway... a calm or level response doesn’t indicate a lack of strength, care, emotion, or investment. Quite the contrary, I’m simply leaving my tantrum at the door so you have the pleasure of communicating with an adult.

Questions to consider:

1. Do you understand the dynamics of your environment? Are you innately good at this? If not, how can you get better?
2. Where do you tend to fall on the continuum of “responding” vs “reacting”?
3. How do others perceive you?

Lesson 3: Your People are Your Most Important Resource

You’re only as good as your team. Don’t ever forget that. If you want to make a difference, if you want to do good work, focus on your people. Take the time to learn about them. To understand their motivation, their anxieties, their hopes, and why they spend the majority of their waking hours working with you. I can’t tell you how many people I talk to that feel undervalued by their leader. Or how many leaders who view supervision as a nuisance. Let me assure you, the time you spend investing in your team is one of the most valuable ways you can invest. Trust me, this is hard and it’s iterative. Just like you, your people are dynamic and ever-evolving as they experience things, learn from them, and change. As a leader, this is a moving target and will always remain fluid. So while I’ll share with you the initial five questions I ask all my new direct reports in our first 1:1 meeting (I also reciprocate!), know that I’m constantly asking more questions and working to stay connected with my people everyday, overtime, in ways that meet their changing needs.

1. What do you want, need, expect from your supervisor?
2. What are your pet peeves?
3. How do you like to receive positive feedback? Constructive feedback? And how do you typically respond when you receive constructive feedback (e.g. verbal and nonverbal cues)?
4. How do you like to be recognized for good work?
5. What is one thing you’d like to work on that would make you a better professional (or person) and how can I help? (e.g. becoming a succinct speaker, building your emotional intelligence, etc.)

For me, these questions (especially #3) give me some insight into my team’s self awareness and prepares me better for the moments when I need to have hard conversations. Starting off our working relationship with some of these questions opens up the door for real dialogue and real candor as we grow together. Remember how I started this article, great leaders don’t have all the right answers. They ask the right questions.

Lesson 4: Hiring is the most important decision you’ll make

Because people are your most important resource, hiring decisions are the most important decisions you will make as a leader. Don’t be fooled into thinking any warm body is better than no body in that vacant role. Take the time to really consider what you want in a new team member. And most importantly, be willing to make a difficult decision. That might mean selecting someone that strategically fills a need, but isn’t the group favorite. It might mean not hiring your internal candidate. Or failing a search to keep looking. So often, I hear of leaders struggling with this and ultimately settle for a candidate. Maybe they were tired of being short staffed or felt pressure from their team (or others) to get the position filled. Maybe they thought the red flags or the questionable quirks would work themselves out. Pro tip: They don’t. Remember, it may be hard to not hire someone now, but it’s way harder to get rid of mediocrity later. Take this part of the process seriously. Be strategic about who you select for your search committee, how involved you’ll be, what types of questions will be asked, what case study, presentation, or interview protocol your candidate will experience. Trust me. Strong candidates are judging you just as hard as you’re judging them. Show intentionality and it will pay off tenfold. And don’t fret if you occasionally end up with a mismatch in fit (I could write a whole separate article on what to do when this happens!) Just remember it’s normal, it happens to all of us, and we deal with it. But do so consistently, swiftly, and professionally (see above in the Strive to Respond, Not React section).

Questions to consider:

1. What characteristics, traits, or skill sets do you need right now to balance out your team?
2. Given the strengths of the supervisor for this role, what capacity does that person have to help challenge and support this candidate?
3. What are you really screening for? Do your questions or interview process reinforce that?

Lesson 5: Authenticity is the best strategy

Finally, this one is simple but often overlooked. No doubt you’ve learned a lot from mentors and other strong leaders. You’ve likely observed their habits, techniques, and approaches -- that’s good! But take it in and consider how it fits with your own style. Adapt the lessons you’ve learned to your natural approach and demeanor. You’ll never be just like anyone else. It’s not possible. And you’ll look silly trying or saying you are. One thing I’ve noticed about the incredible leaders in my life… they spend time reflecting on their values. They know what drives them and they make decisions that align with them.

Admittedly, this lesson didn’t hit home for me until more recently. I needed the experience and exposure to realize that authenticity at every level and in all ways would be key to my success. I also needed the time to grow more comfortable in my own skin. And I know this is a forever process, to keep learning more about who I am and reflecting on what I value. This really struck me while I was in the middle of a big negotiation. I kept trying to prepare my remarks or rebuttal as if I was one of my colleagues (who happens to be the master negotiator). Luckily, I came to my senses (after he candidly told me to stop) and realized my communication style, approach, and personality is precisely what helped me get to this moment in the first place. I needed to have more faith in myself and what I brought to the table. Don’t get me wrong, you need to be aware of the culture around you and be politically savvy in how you navigate your environment. I’m not suggesting you be brash and claim “authenticity” every time you disagree or want something. There is a need for balance and it is nuanced. But the point here is to know yourself, be yourself, and don’t ever get to the point where you’ve lost who you are.

Questions to consider:

1. What does authenticity look like for you?
2. What are your deal breakers?
3. There are always compromises we must weigh in life, but when you consider the cultural context of your office or institution, do you feel you can navigate your environment without losing your sense of self?

For me, these lessons in leadership and life are a reminder of the numerous people who have helped shape me into the kind of leader I am today. There was always something to be learned, from those I admired as great leaders and those with less desirable qualities! But most importantly, I had to stop looking for all the answers and start looking for how to ask the right questions. When I mess up or make mistakes, what should I be asking to learn from that moment? When I succeed, why did it happen? What factors caused it to work? When I’m frustrated, annoyed, or angry, what does that tell me about myself? I will always be grateful to the many individuals in my life who continuously ask me questions, challenge me, and support me. It’s my hope that somewhere in this article, one of my questions or life lessons might be useful in prompting you to pause for a moment and consider: what kind of leader are you and what guides you?

References

Vogt, E. E., Brown, J., and Isaacs, D. (2003). The art of powerful questions: Catalyzing insight, innovation, and action. Whole Systems Associates, Mill Valley, CA.