#5: Odysseus I

Author's Preface:

“Welcome to midpoint of this weekly holiday season blog, “One Third’s Century: What I’ve Learned so Far”. 

That’s right, this is #5 of 10. If you’ve made it this far with me, then you basically have no choice now but to keep reading :)

#sunkcosts

The focus today is relocations (AKA “relo”; “relos”; “relo’d”, as a verb). Unless you’re one who has yet to journey outside of your home region, perhaps you will relate to this piece, "Odysseus I”, as it will cover (nearly) all my relocations from ages 20-30. 

Next week, during "Odysseus II", I’ll once again turn up the slow boil on you—my dutiful readers—by giving you less linear logistics, and more of the psychology & ‘anatomy of a relo’—especially when you no longer have the means you once had.

But for this week, enjoy the first half of my two-part homage to arguably the best narrative ever written. And, if I may ask you to, hypothetically imagine what you’d personally do if you had to relo, say by end of January or February 2023...

Where would you start your plan?

Cheers,

AM

"The Handsome Devils"

...is the name of my high school bestie's ["TB"] five-piece rock band.

This past weekend, I rounded up my ever-busy mother and took her to see "The Handsome Devils" perform live at Canton, OH's best rock bar/ venue: The Auricle (more, below, on this amazing place for artists).

The Auricle opened back in 2011, when I was in the latter stages of undergrad, kicking around all of the big life questions looming ahead.

The original location I visited dozens of times a decade+ ago was a couple blocks away from their new digs, but both are located in the heart of downtown Canton--a place I gleefully frequented in my teens & early 20's.

Promise there's much more to come on TB, the show, and the Rock 'n Roll culture of NE Ohio as we march along!

But. Now that I've successfully wooed you with handsome musicians, I sadly must now bore you with a brief synopsis of Homer's Iliad. Trust me, it's relevant.

[yea, I kno. don't click away, yet!]

Abridged Homer

Ok, now here's a real 'final-boss' level challenge in brevity...let's go!

Odysseus has a son (Telemachus) with his wife (Penelope), and then he's conscripted to fighting in a far-flung foreign war. Odysseus survives a series of bloody battles; then he attempts to make his triumphant, kingly return back to his family, homeland, etc.

Comedy--often, very dark comedy--ensues for like a decade. But 'Odysseus the Cunning' uses his guile and braun to eventually make it home, defeat the litany of suitors circling his "faithful" [lots of schools of scholarship on this specific point, but just stay with me] wife, Penelope. Then he rules happily and admirably for many years.

The End.

See! That wasn't so bad :D

[hmm, wonder why it took Homer like 10 billion words to communicate that simple story]

Lil' Relo: Canton, OH to Kent, OH [33 miles]

Ahh, yes. The best #CollegeTown in the United States: Kent, OH.

[apologies to their very worthy competition: Berkley, CA; E. Sparta, MI; and Lincoln, NE (in that order, based on my experiences)]

33 miles north of my hometown, Kent has so much charm that it is--in my well-worn opinion--the heart of all hearts in NE Ohio.

Snow [so much snow], young minds, freedom. What more does a young adult really need, y'kno.

The human woman pictured here is one of my three favorite/ best college professors during my autumns, winters and springs in Kent.

"Claire"--as she liked her pupils to address her--sadly passed away, too young, during the current (deceptively quick) decade that's warp-speed'ed right by me (2012-2022).

You don't know how desperately I wish I could have just one more conversation with Claire. In addition to teaching that 1960's class I referenced last week, she also taught me the infinite world of Ireland's best writer: James Joyce.

Literary Warning: Up until a few years ago, I often (demonstrably) debated my linguistically inclined peers as to why James Joyce's 'Ulysses' is the best novel--written originally in English--of the 20th century.

In actuality, there are a few that are technically and aesthetically better.

But even still, it's probably my favorite "Big Book" (another of Kent State's many awesome classes that I appreciated thoroughly) in the Modernist era.

Bigger Relo: Massillon, OH to Cleveland, OH [55 miles]

In 2015—immediately after my former wife and I returned home from our honeymoon— I embarked upon my first real relo.

To Cleveland! [the best of the many medium-large cities around the Great Lakes]. Where they have even more annual snowfall than Kent and Canton (combined)!

I only kid, "The Forest City" & its world-class Metroparks system will always be my favorite city in the Midwest. Always always.

Logistically (and personally) speaking, this relo was the end of my arduous ~ 30 month tenure of commuting 110 miles, roundtrip, five times per week.

So frankly, I probably would've been happy in any of the many character-rich, inner-suburbs of Cuyahoga County.

Anyway, this time, perhaps for the first real time in my life, it wasn't all about Adam anymore. Her and I did not live together before marrying (go ahead, call me old fashioned).

Wide-eyed, bride by my side—to support, cherish, and ultimately—we thought back then we'd conquer this scary world together.

We did not, unfortunately. But it was still one hell of a run. And I'll always have love for her.

Lost love aside, it was still one of my favorite moves. Just a couple of Canton kids--with a pair of rough collies--we made many great memories exploring our new home of Lyndhurst/ Beachwood/ South Euclid.

#CLE (or #TheLand if you will) and its East Side were perfect for us. We took in the arts, big-city cuisine, sporting events, and practically every park within a 30-minute drive.

But not long after the Cleveland Cavaliers overcame a 3-1 series deficit to win the 2016 NBA Finals (CLE's first professional team championship in 50 years), it was relo time.

Again.

Grown-Man Relo: Cleveland, OH to Mason, OH [234 miles]

Almost one year to the day after taking the marital plunge, my boss' boss' boss came to me with a proposal:

"So-and-so is leaving the org...

Do you want to relo to southwest Ohio to take over [sales & ops responsibility for] the Cincinnati (SW OH/ KY/ IN) territory?"

"Yes. I very much I do", I said reflexively.

Because, well duh, this was an obvious bluebird moment to slingshot my professional trajectory (ok, earning potential too; after all, it's called 'work', not 'fun') upward.

But remember—as a then-freshly-married man—it was not as simple as just what I wanted.

Even if I was known, at work, as an ascending B2B tech services/ hardware sales rep, that didn't much matter if I couldn't sell my spouse on this grand idea.

I quickly committed to my C-level colleague that I would have an answer in 24-48 hours.

Shaking--like a nudist at Edgewater beach in the dead of January--with nerves on that afternoon commute home, mind racing, I mentally outlined my pitch.

But doubt kept creeping in: What if I couldn't sell her on it? How prepared was I to negotiate with her for a then-rare (now, notsomuch) career opportunity?

She was, and still is, very close with most of her immediate and extended family. What if she agreed, only to ultimately wilt with me in Cincinnati?

Well, I didn't wife-up some weeping willow. Vanessa [pseudonym] confidently agreed, almost immediately, after hearing me punctuate the big (next relo) question.

And to my surprise, she agreed without delay (or any hard selling from me!).

"Yes, yes. Absolutely, yes", she said.

Homecoming Kings: TB, "the Axeman" & AM, "the Jester"

So anyway, last weekend I dragged my mother to a local rock show.

And she enjoyed a much-needed, delightfully artsy night out with her eldest son [me] and several dozen classmates & family-of-classmates that TB and I shared in our youth...

[just now realizing I'm ostensibly at that age where it's no longer fun for anyone involved to specifically date the 'good old days'; y'all, "old age is a shipwreck"].

Fair Warning: If you make it to your mid-30's, like me, and you're also divorced, childless and petless, then you have a legit, social hall pass (and borderline duty, due to lack of meaningful priorities) to take your parent out for a night out. Fr.

But also fair warning--if my mom knows you know/ grew up with me, and you play a musical instrument like us (her, the flute; me, the piano & drums), and she attends one of your concerts...

then there's a really, really high probability she will send you/ your bandmates shots.

And it'll probably be a dark liquor, too.

As kids, TB + I went *everywhere* together.

Often, it was in a van, to one of his band's local shows. Or on a school bus, to one of our many Speech & Debate tournaments, hosted at countless Ohio high schools.

[Quick Plug: Being a member of the prestigious and*award-winning* Perry Local Schools (Massillon, OH) interpretive speech team was EASILY the most important extracurricular activity I participated in as a high-schooler. Travel, competition, and self-betterment. What more could a young mind need?!]

Back then, TB had famously long hair, which naturally completed his curated-but-authentic, rockstar look.

And I was the annoying preppy/ emo/ artsy kid (lol), with an eye for fashion that none of my peers could match.

Well, none, maybe except for TB.

#thriftshop #ButBeforeMackelmore

Watching him play last weekend plastered an uncontrollable--and probably goofy-looking--smile across my face. For their whole set. And of course, it's hard to do anything for 20+ years (whether it's play guitar; sell widgets; or conquer the world) and not be good-great.

But TB was already great as a young man. Now, his ability to riff the blues is as seemingly effortless as it is enjoyable to consume--especially live.

It was like watching an old war buddy bring the house down in a Tennessee honky-tonk.

If you ask one of our old mates about our youthful adventures, there's a very good chance both first + last names will roll off their tongues. "TB" and "AM" was a poetic team that struck fear into hearts of our foes.

But, as evidenced by this Greek Epic-style piece (more like 'epically long', amirite?), life after high school got busy. Not just for me, but for TB, our classmates, and all of our mates' extended circles. For all of us humble Canton kids.

Nowadays, TB's a happily married father.

And, finally, my (calico) hair is longer than his shortly cropped, black hair. <3 <3

Bonus Relo: Mason, OH to Middletown, OH [17 miles]

Oh yeah, I also moved within SW Ohio: that time from Mason to Middletown, OH.

Running out of time and digital real estate, so we'll have to pick up on my time in Cris Carter's hometown next time.

Song of the Week: "Limousine" by Brand New

I'm a lifelong audiophile (remember?).

As such, listen to this song! And more importantly, listen to the album!

For my money, literally, this is the greatest alt-rock album of the 21st century. Plus it's a concept album! What's your favorite album of the past couple decades?

Next Week: Part 2

Next Wednesday, we'll wrap up this two-parter, with "Odysseus II".

Until then, enjoy your week! And thanks for taking the time to read my blog!

Oh, and call your parents/ high school mates/ professors.