5 Steps for Your Bestest Holiday Family Gathering YET!

While visions of sugar plums…er…video games may be dancing in every child’s head, it is often visions of political debates or know-it-all relatives that churn in those of adults.

You know from past experience that neither burying your opinions deep under mashed potatoes nor debating with your uncle with spiked eggnog bravery are good options.

So, what CAN you do? Rather than dodging or taking them head on, transcend them.

Yup, rise beyond them…just like Buddy…or Santa. It is the season!

Ok, Buddy from the movie Elf is not the oracle most would point to for holiday advice, but his recipe for winning people over just may be what your holiday dinner needs. Innate human capabilities, which atrophy as we age, are at the heart of Buddy’s secret sauce for winning people over. 

A Holiday Recipe for Better Family Gatherings (with illustrations from Elf)

1)     Believe in Infinite Possibilities.

 Tis the season for flying reindeer and guiding lights. Of all the times to believe in infinite possibilities, this is it.

Rather than dread the predictable tension caused by 15 people all squished into one house, consider the magic that can happen when 15 people squish into one house.

If you are always looking for the bad, that is what you will find. If there is no room in your head for something different to happen, you will unconsciously make sure different doesn’t happen. So, believe in infinite possibilities and while you are at it, send a bit of faith Santa’s way. Buddy would appreciate it.

2)     Get curious.

Admittedly, tradition reigns supreme at Christmas time so it may be hard to be curious when so much seems to be on repeat. Really, how many times can you watch “The Nutcracker” or “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”? However, if you can chose curiosity over certainty, you can break the cycle of repeating conflict and open doors to new ideas, new stories, and new experiences – all of which are useful resources for building bridges across divides.

Be like Buddy and get interested in parts of life you haven’t thought about before. Ask questions that get to the heart of who someone is and pull up positive memories. If you are looking for some good questions, consider these:

-         What was your first road trip? Who did you go with and where was it?

-         Who was the first musician whose music inspired you to want their album and why?

-         What was your best experience in high school?

When you engage people in conversations that inspire good memories, you help to set the mood for lighter more reflective conversations.

3)     Find your inner peace and return to it often.

For Buddy, anything silly, cuddly, smiley, Christmas-y or sweet helped to return him to his center.

What grounds you? What makes you feel most at peace?

How can you return to your happiest self even in the midst of 15 people in one house?

Much like the questions above might do for a family member, what can you do to bring you back to center quickly? Think about it now so when you are in the midst of it all, you know what to do.

4)     Realize you can’t see everything.

Only Santa really knows who has been naughty and who has been nice. You are human and not only is your perspective on life limited to your own experiences and what you read about, but your brain is easily tricked and stops you from seeing, hearing, and noticing things ALL OF THE TIME.   

As sure as Buddy will sniff out a candy cane, you will miss something important often. Own your limited view of the world and admit there is always something more to learn.

5)     Shift your perspective and question your beliefs.

 Buddy recognizes he is different and struggles to fit in as an elf or a human. When his focus is on what he lacks, things don’t go well. However, when he focuses on those around him, he leans into his gifts.

His different perspective helps him see what others miss. Buddy’s strength is that he rekindles a sense of awe and curiosity about the world, as well as cheer and silliness anywhere he goes.

What is the gift you bring to the table? How might you use it to help others enjoy the season better? Shine your light.

What is the gift that everyone at your holiday table brings? I invite you to help them see those gifts too.

The secret recipe for an amazing holiday is just being the best version of you.

As for your uncle? Well, when you show up as your best self, something magical happens. Others show up as their best selves too. It might take some time, but just like the singing that built slowly to a chorus loud enough to power Santa’s sleigh in Elf, your effort to show up as your best self will inspire others to do the same.

It is the season of miracles after all, so I recommend you start with believing that a better holiday gathering is possible.

Happy Holidays!

Julia

Like this? Each of this lessons are a part of the Humergence framework, a model for helping people learn how to harness their human nature so they can show up as their best selves every day. It's based on human nature and supported by neuroscience, psychology, biology and lots of experience. Looking for some great ideas to help your team show up as their best selves? Let's talk!