5 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Being Paralyzed From The Neck Down

The car veered wildly, ripped through the dark woods, and came to a crashing halt. As my friend hobbled up the embankment in search of help, I remained frozen in my seat. My body, which hours earlier had been dancing, wouldn't move no matter how much I willed it. What I would learn later is that I was paralyzed from the neck down.

My life changed dramatically in a single moment. Like a stone in a pond, the few seconds it took that car to crash have rippled through each of my days since the accident.

That said, the lessons I've learned from my experiences — lessons I might not have learned had I never been paralyzed — have made me a better person and improved my life. Below, you'll find a sampling of the many insights I provide in my books Powering through Paralysis: How to Survive & Thrive with Disability or Disease and Captain of my Soul: Mastering a Destiny Altered.

These are things I wish I'd known earlier, and I hope you benefit from them.

1. Accept what is.

It's easier said than done; I know that firsthand. I went from being an outgoing and athletic young man to a quadriplegic man quite literally overnight.

To make progress after my accident, I had to accept things as they were at that moment. I had to make peace with planning my future as a man paralyzed from the neck down. Life has ebbs and flows, decay and growth, births and deaths, and fighting their inevitability is a losing battle.

You may know the Prayer of Serenity: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." What you may not know is that philosophers from across the religious tapestry have strung together similar ideas independently of one another. That is to say that it's a universal truth that it's impractical to try to alter the unalterable, and I'll add that to do so often begets bitterness and pessimism.

So accept what is and then go from there.

2. Be patient and adaptable.

If acceptance is embracing that life has currents, adaptability is swimming along with that current and patience is accepting that your path may not be direct. Let's take a survivalist tip I learned some years ago as an example: When caught in an undertow, rather than wasting energy trying to swim directly back to shore, you should swim parallel to the shore until you're out of the undercurrent and can get back to shore more easily.

I did not envision so much of my day-to-day life being in the hands of others when I was younger. But since my accident, morning and night are a flutter of assistants, each a unique individual. That's a lot of personalities to navigate just to get my basic needs handled. By being patient and adaptable, I've been able to communicate my needs more clearly and build better relationships.

Sometimes, you desired destination is far from where you are with a circuitous route full of setbacks. Impatience will not serve you, nor make the journey more bearable, so it's best to be patient. Inflexibility will only prolong those setbacks and lengthen your course, so it's best to be adaptable.

So, when you're ready to snap, take a few deep breaths and decide if what you want to do or say next will improve or worsen the situation. Let this thought guide your next actions, "What can I do to make things better?"

3. Setting goals will get you where you want to go.

The world did not become a more accessible place to navigate as a disabled man since my accident, but I’ve still reached my dreams. That's because I learned how to set and achieve goals.

I knew I wanted a successful career, but I realized that to do that, I needed a few other things in order. First and foremost was to get out of rehab and start living my life again. From there it was hiring staff and looking into how I could feasibly do the kinds of jobs I wanted to do.

It starts with figuring out what you want "big picture," and then reverse engineering it to what you have now. Go from big and break it down into small pieces to understand the path you have to take to get to what you want. When you look at your dreams this way, you go from looking at them as nebulous and out of reach and begin to see them as attainable and more concrete.

If you have to, physically write out what you want and then think backward from that, figuring out the step before that and the one before that one, until you reach what you can do tomorrow. Then use this as a blueprint going forward. 

4. Accept help and learn how to find it.

So, this is a lesson I learned because I had no choice. After my accident, I realized that there were some things I just wouldn't be able to do on my own. Once I pushed my pride out of the way, I discovered the benefits of letting others help you.

By taking help in some areas, you give yourself more time for other areas. Now, I have no choice but to have my capable staff do things like clean and cook for me. But those were things I wasn't fond of before, and the time I save not doing those things gives me more time to work, write, and pursue my goals.

If you have a disability and are looking for professional help, I highly recommend utilizing the health centers and rehab facilities you're at to see if workers are willing to take extra work. Even if they're unable to help you, they may know just the right person. In addition to this, local colleges and Internet resources can help you fill out your staff with smart workers.

If you don't have a disability, you can still benefit from letting go of some tasks in your life. Maybe you can hire someone to clean your house every other week? Perhaps you can arrange with a friend to each make a double recipe once a week and swap so that you can save yourselves a night of cooking?

Find ways to allow help into your life for the day-to-day tasks and permit yourself to focus on your goals.

5. Gain control over your thoughts.

Meditation is your mental equivalent to the gym. You're learning to control and utilize the most powerful tool in your body. There are things your mind can do that you never even realized.

Immediately after my accident, I used visualization to take my mind from addled fever dreams to clear and coherent. That was just the beginning of my experience with meditation. Since learning to meditate, I've broadened my mental abilities, and I've been able to do incredible things. The control I have enables me to see things in a broader way and gives me greater vision to see what I’m trying to attain.

Meditation allows us to not only explore our inner world and discover our unbounded possibilities but also helps ground us in the outer world to make better decisions in our lives. Through, meditation anyone can seek what I’ve found, leading to a more peaceful and stress-free life. If you're not meditating, your mind, body, and life are lacking for it. Meditation goes beyond simple mental exercises. In medicine, biofeedback is a process where patients' automatic systems are monitored while they're given the training to control them voluntarily. For example, someone might learn to quiet chronic pain with this technique. You can achieve that kind of control with regular meditation.

Start with 10 minutes every day for a month, and I promise your life will improve.

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These aren't the only tips I have for better living. In fact, I have countless more in my books Powering through Paralysis: How to Survive & Thrive with Disability or Disease and Captain of my Soul: Mastering a Destiny Altered.

One of my goals is to share my story with others so that readers like you can achieve your goals. I hope you take these tools and live your best life.