5 Uncomfortable Truths Every Leader Needs to Embrace

Leadership is incredibly rewarding however, it comes with its share of hard truths.

These truths can challenge your confidence, stretch your patience, and test your character. They may feel truly daunting.

Many are rarely talked about, some only become truly apparent when you are actually in the role and yet embracing them can be transformative because they are also pathways to growth.

By confronting them head-on, rather than resisting them, you will unlock your potential to grow into a stronger, more effective leader and develop the resilience, authenticity, and adaptability that define great leadership.

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Five uncomfortable truths every leader should confront to be more resilient, strategic, and ultimately successful.

1. Not Everyone Will Like You!

For example, you ask for something to be done or make a tough decision, perhaps reallocating resources, withholding a budget spend or holding someone accountable for underperformance and suddenly you feel the chill of disapproval. Whispers in meetings, passive resistance, or outright criticism might follow.

One of the most challenging realities for leaders is that no matter how fair, kind, or approachable you are, you won’t be everyone’s favourite and you are not here to be liked.

Research from Harvard Business Review (HBR, October 2006) states that leaders who focus on being liked can compromise their ability to lead effectively, often making decisions that avoid conflict instead of serving the greater good. They can lose focus on the bigger picture and make compromised decisions. Accepting this can be freeing, enabling you to make tougher calls and focus on respect and trust over popularity.

• Shift from Popularity to Respect: Prioritise decisions that align with your business's mission and values, even if they’re unpopular. Focus on doing the right things. Long term respect will outlast in the moment approval.
• Be Transparent About Your Intentions: Explain your reasoning behind decisions, especially tough ones. Transparency builds trust, even if the outcomes are not universally liked.
• Accept the Trade-Offs: Remind yourself that leadership isn’t a popularity contest. Focus on building trust through relationships, integrity, fairness and consistency.

2. You Will Fail—and Often

Failure is not an "if" but a "when."

A project you championed misses its targets, or an innovative idea you pushed flops with your team or stakeholders, you forget to do something important due to spinning many plates.

Failure feels personal, and the temptation to play it safe can grow stronger.

Studies on leadership resilience show that failure is a crucial step in developing the adaptive skills required for growth. Great leaders don’t just recover from failures; they use them as learning points and building blocks. According to the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL, March 2020)., learning to reframe failure as feedback is a defining trait of successful leaders. I love the NLP presupposition of "there is no failure on feedback".

• Normalise Failure: Share stories of your own failures with your team. This creates a culture where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities rather than catastrophes.
• Learn from Failure: Every failure holds a lesson; the key is to reflect, adapt, and turn it into a stepping stone for future success
• Conduct After-Action Reviews: Break down what went wrong and extract lessons. Ask, “What can we improve for next time?” instead of “Who’s to blame?”
• Reframe the Narrative: Remember that every successful leader, from Jeff Bezos to James Dyson, has failed repeatedly. Failure is simply a step toward success.

3. Loneliness at the Top is Real

The higher up you go, the fewer people understand your challenges. You’re the one making the final call, shouldering the weight of responsibility for the team, the project, or even the entire organisation. There are fewer people to confide in, and even fewer who truly understand the pressures you face.

A survey by RHR International’s found that 50% of CEOs feel isolated, (RHR International, February 2012). a reality that contributes to stress, can negatively impact decision-making and well-being. Combatting this loneliness requires proactive steps like forming peer support groups, mentorship, and regular feedback channels, creating a more connected and self-aware leadership experience.

• Build a Trusted Inner Circle: Surround yourself with mentors, peers, or advisors who can provide honest feedback and support.
• Seek External Coaching: A professional leadership coach can act as a sounding board and provide strategies to navigate complex challenges.
• Invest in Peer Networks: Join leadership forums or industry groups to connect with others who face similar challenges.

4. Change Will Always Outpace Comfort

In our fast-evolving world, the ability to adapt is crucial, yet many leaders face resistance to change. As reported in "The ‘How’ of Transformation" - McKinsey & Company (McKinsey) more than 70% of transformation efforts fail, often because leaders underestimate the discomfort change can bring. Leaders who recognise this can better prepare themselves and their teams, setting realistic expectations for the challenging process of transformation.

• Communicate the Why: Clearly articulate the purpose and benefits of change initiatives to your team. Transparency builds buy-in.
• Embrace Continuous Learning: Regularly refresh your skills and knowledge to remain adaptable and ready for new challenges.

5. Balancing Confidence and Humility is Essential

Leaders are often expected to be confident and decisive, yet humility is just as important. Research from Catalyst "Humility in Leadership: The Power of Saying ‘I Don’t Know’" (Catalyst) highlights that leaders who balance humility with confidence foster more engaged and innovative teams. This paradox means that leaders must know when to lead from the front and when to listen and learn from their teams.

• Ask your Team: Inviting your team’s input acknowledges their experiences and knowledge, building trust and enabling you to leverage the power of collective wisdom.
• Practice Active Listening: When team members feel heard, they’re more willing to share ideas and take ownership.
• Admit When You’re Wrong: Humility builds trust. Acknowledging mistakes can be a powerful way to model accountability and resilience.

Which of these truths resonates most with you? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments, I’d love to hear how you’ve navigated these challenges!

Strategic reflections:

• "When have you had to make a tough decision that wasn’t well-received? What did you learn about balancing fairness and your leadership values in that situation?"
• "How do you currently process failure in your leadership role? What steps can you take to reframe failure as feedback and use it to drive growth—for yourself and your team?"
• "How do you ensure you project confidence while remaining open to feedback and other perspectives? What signals do you look for to know if you're striking the right balance?"

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I'm Chrissie and I talk about Leadership Coaching and Development and Organisational Behavioural Analytics. I empower high achieving results driven business owners and leaders to create great employee experiences, realise their potential and grow their business results

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