6 powerful habits that lead to authentic happiness

As a mentor and coach, the question I’m often asked these days is: "What’s the key to genuine happiness?"

The answer is not found in accumulating more gifts, booking more travel, or achieving higher social status.

These pursuits may seem to promise happiness, but they primarily stimulate dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with short-term pleasure and reward.

In contrast, true, lasting happiness is rooted in oxytocin, a neuropeptide associated with trust, connection, and bonding.

Understanding this distinction can help us reshape how we be truly happy. By focusing on oxytocin-based activities, we can cultivate a deeper, more sustainable form of happiness.

Dopamine: The quick fix of pleasure

Dopamine is often called the "reward molecule”. It’s released when we achieve something desirable: receiving a gift, gaining social recognition, or completing a task.

This creates a rush of pleasure that motivates us to seek similar experiences.

Evolutionarily, dopamine played a crucial role in survival, encouraging our ancestors to pursue essential resources like food, shelter, and reproduction.

However, dopamine’s effects are fleeting. The more we engage in reward-seeking behaviors, the more we need to maintain the same level of satisfaction.

This phenomenon is known as "dopamine habituation." Over time, the same reward becomes less satisfying, leading to a constant craving for bigger and better experiences. This cycle can result in burnout, dissatisfaction, and a sense of emptiness.

Dr. Robert Lustig (see more), Professor emeritus of Pediatrics, Division of Endocrinology at the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF), explains: "Dopamine is about getting something new; oxytocin is about appreciating what you have”.

In today’s world, where social media, consumerism, and achievement are prioritized, we’re often stuck on a dopamine treadmill. We mistake the temporary highs of material gains and social validation for true happiness, only to find ourselves constantly seeking more.

The problem with dopamine-driven pursuits is that they offer surface-level pleasure without the depth of fulfillment.

The thrill of acquiring a new gadget, booking a luxury vacation, or gaining recognition quickly fades, leaving us feeling unsatisfied.

This cycle not only depletes our energy but also erodes our ability to experience lasting contentment.

Oxytocin: The biochemical basis of well-being

In contrast to dopamine, oxytocin fosters long-term well-being through connection, trust, and intimacy.

Oxytocin, often called the "bonding hormone", is responsible for feelings of trust, connection, and emotional intimacy. Unlike dopamine, which is short-lived and habit-forming, oxytocin fosters a lasting sense of well-being.

It’s released during moments of genuine connection: hugging a loved one, sharing a meaningful conversation, or performing an act of kindness.

Dr. Paul Zak, a neuroscientist and author of The Moral Molecule, has extensively studied oxytocin’s role in human behavior. His research shows that higher oxytocin levels are linked to:

• Reduced stress and anxiety: Oxytocin lowers cortisol (the stress hormone) and promotes a sense of safety and calm.
• Increased empathy and compassion: The hormone enhances our ability to understand and share others’ emotions, strengthening social bonds.
• Stronger relationships: Oxytocin builds trust and intimacy, forming the foundation of deep, meaningful connections.
• Improved emotional resilience: Oxytocin helps regulate emotions, making it easier to cope with challenges and setbacks.
• Physical health benefits: Oxytocin supports heart health, reduces inflammation, and boosts the immune system.

In a 2016 study, researchers found that oxytocin reduces the body’s stress response and enhances feelings of security. This makes oxytocin essential for long-term happiness, as it helps us feel grounded, connected, and emotionally fulfilled.

The need for oxytocin-centered happiness

Oxytocin-driven happiness is about depth, meaning, and authenticity.

Unlike dopamine, which thrives on novelty and consumption, oxytocin flourishes in consistent, meaningful interactions.

Prioritizing oxytocin helps us break free from the relentless cycle of materialism and instant gratification, offering a path to fulfillment that is both sustainable and enriching.

This approach is particularly relevant during the festive season, a time when many fall into the trap of equating happiness with gifts, travel, and social status.

While these pursuits can be enjoyable, they often lead to post-holiday letdowns, exhaustion, and a sense of emptiness.

Shifting focus to oxytocin-based activities, such as connection, generosity, and presence, can transform the holidays into a time of genuine joy.

The beauty of oxytocin is that it’s universally accessible. You don’t need wealth, status, or extravagant experiences to boost oxytocin; you need intentionality, connection, and care.

Evidence-based strategies to cultivate oxytocin

1. Deepen meaningful connections

Authentic human connection is a primary driver of oxytocin release. Invest in quality time with loved ones by:

Engaging in deep conversations: Move beyond small talk. Discuss personal goals, challenges, and dreams. Active listening and empathy facilitate oxytocin release.

Physical affection: Simple gestures like hugging, hand-holding, or a reassuring touch can stimulate oxytocin.

Shared activities: Collaborative experiences, such as cooking, playing games, or volunteering, foster connection and trust.

2. Practice altruism and kindness

Generosity enhances oxytocin production, benefiting both giver and receiver:

Volunteering: Donating time to help others fosters a sense of purpose and community.

Giving thoughtful gifts: Prioritize gifts that reflect care and thoughtfulness over material value.

Expressing gratitude: Sincere appreciation strengthens bonds and reinforces positive relationships.

3. Prioritize mindfulness and presence

Being fully present enhances connection and oxytocin levels:

Digital detox: Limit screen time during social gatherings to focus on face-to-face interactions.

Active listening: Show genuine interest in conversations through eye contact and thoughtful responses.

Savor simple moments: Enjoy small joys like shared meals, laughter, and quiet moments.

4. Self-care and relaxation

Personal well-being supports oxytocin production:

Warm baths: A relaxing bath reduces stress and promotes comfort.

Meditation: Mindfulness and deep breathing increase oxytocin and reduce cortisol.

Restful sleep: Quality sleep enhances emotional balance and well-being.

5. Have some fun pet time

Interaction with pets boosts oxytocin for both humans and animals:

Petting and playtime: Spend time cuddling or playing with pets to enhance feelings of connection.

6. Embrace traditions and storytelling

Shared traditions create a sense of continuity and belonging:

Family stories: Sharing memories and histories reinforces identity and connection.

Create new rituals: Establish meaningful traditions that strengthen bonds.

Redefining happiness through oxytocin

True happiness transcends the temporary highs of dopamine-driven pursuits.

By prioritizing oxytocin-based activities, we cultivate lasting fulfillment rooted in connection, trust, and presence.

Do your best to step off the dopamine treadmill and embrace the deeper, more sustainable joy that oxytocin offers.

The path to happiness lies not in acquiring more, but in connecting deeply with those around us.

In choosing oxytocin, we choose a life of meaning, authenticity, and joy.

Thank you for joining me on this journey to unlock your full potential and turn it into real-world value. I hope that the tips and insights in this newsletter have been helpful in your personal and professional life.

If you feel that you are at a crossroad in your life, I would be happy to offer you coaching sessions to discuss your goals and how to achieve them. Remember, success is not a destination but a journey, and we're here to support you every step of the way.

So until next time, stay focused, stay motivated, and keep working towards your dreams! Elena Badea.