6 Steps to Let Go of Your Insecurities and Feel More Confident
When I think about how deeply insecurity can ruin our lives, I remember the late legendary artist Michael Jackson, who broke several records, overcame racial boundaries and revolutionized the music industry.
Michael Jackson will be remembered in the hearts of his fans for years to come.
One thing that ironically remained constant throughout his tumultuous life was the ongoing transformation of his physical appearance.
Mj suffered insecurities throughout his childhood. His dad and brothers verbally abused him. They called him “big nose” and “ugly,” which led to his insecurities as a child. As he became famous, those wounds grew deeper.
Despite obvious changes to his nose, jawline, and eyes, the pop icon denied he had extensive plastic surgery and blamed his changing skin tone on vitiligo.
In a 1993 interview with Oprah Winfrey, MJ admitted that his skin color had changed but insisted the lightening was to blend in his skin disease called vitiligo, a decoloration of skin.
However, that didn’t explain his nose is getting thinner every six months. His lips are getting thinner, and his eyes getting wider.
Despite his fame and wealth, MJ never felt good enough. He always wanted more in his work to prove himself worthy of his father’s love.
He thought if he could heal all the children in the world with his music, then he would have overcome his childhood trauma.
His death hurts. I get hurt whenever I remember how I would have ended up like MJ.
Of course, my death would have been worthless because I had done nothing to be remembered for.
When I was battling with depression, a song by MJ was all I needed to get me smiling again. He’s my legend. My hero. To see him pass away in such a horrible way still feels like a dream.
That’s why MJ’s death will always leave a big hole in my heart. He changed lives. He was an instrument in changing mine. He gave hope to the hopeless.
MJ had a big heart. Big enough to heal everyone else except himself. I wish he had healed himself first before healing the world.
If only…if only…just “if only” he could have accepted himself as he was — vitiligo or not, he would have still been with us today.
What do you do when your insecurities get the best of you?
We all have our down days, but too much negativity can profoundly impact your life. It harms our physical and mental health.
Since our insecurities stem from our self-esteem, when we have many insecurities that take over our minds, it causes low self-esteem.
Our low self-esteem can make us more prone to psychological problems like increased anxiety, depression, and more.
When our self-esteem is low and vulnerable, we don’t believe in ourselves. This can lead us to give up our dreams or to live in our comfort zones.
Having a positive self-image is empowering, and here are steps to help you regain confidence in your lows.
1. Have the courage to face your fears
Feelings of insecurity leave us over-dependent on external factors — admiration, praise, promotions. But even then, the sense of accomplishment is usually temporary.
Common ways of facing your fears are recognizing the root of your fears and creating an action plan.
Take one small step each day, one at a time, to get out of your head. Going too fast or doing something too scary before you’re ready can backfire.
Taking steps like practicing positive self-talk and exploring where your fears come from can help you overcome your fears.
2. Respect and believe yourself
Insecurity makes you feel unworthy. You put your needs last and do things against your values to please people.
If you want to overcome your insecurities, you need to begin by committing to yourself.
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Letting others know what isn’t OK doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a strong and respectable person.
When you stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do, you create more time and energy to engage with the activities and people who make you happy.
3. Add edginess to your conversation
When you are insecure, it’s difficult to establish and maintain healthy relationships with people at work or at home.
You avoid social gatherings because you don’t know what to say that will be of interest to others.
Most people avoid small talks for fear of embarrassing themselves. The act of getting to know someone doesn’t have to feel rejection worthy.
When engaging in small talk, first make it a point to repeat the person’s name back to them.
Make sure to ask the other person about themselves — this keeps a conversation flowing, engages the other person, and helps you gain more confidence in yourself.
4. Always remember nothing lasts forever
When we feel like we are not good enough, we are unable to fully trust ourselves at that moment. We feel unworthy and incapable of fully being ourselves when we are around other people.
We worry about being judged, rejected, or criticized. This paranoia holds us back from reaching our full potential.
We avoid taking proactive action and judge ourselves harshly when our lofty expectations are not realized.
You have to learn to live in the moment and enjoy life while it’s happening.
But first, you need to change your perspectives of yourself in other to feel worthy. When you do, you will begin to find positive meaning in each day that passes.
5. Don’t allow what people say to bother you
People who are saying hurtful words to us are usually experiencing negative emotions themselves.
Some people are able to process that pain, but people often react to it before responding appropriately, lashing out at others, taking a higher or lower position relative to others, and sometimes saying unskillful things out of anger.
I have learned to ignore most of the painful things people say to me. Not because I’m too weak to respond or fire back, but because I understand that what they say to me is a form of self-healing to what they are going through.
6. Stop neglecting your needs. Put yours first before others
When you feel unworthy, you tend to do things against your principles to please others. Sometimes, you go as far as putting yourself in harm’s way to satisfy the people you love.
You have to let go of the idea of being “nice” at all costs.
Putting yourself first is not a selfish act. Selfish people do things that please them, not minding if they put someone else in danger.
While putting yourself first means you recognize your needs and that of others, but you will do what makes you happy first without hurting anyone.
Taking care of your physical and mental health is your sole responsibility, as is building the life of your dreams.
You can start with big or small changes, such as saying “no” to favors you are not comfortable with, and you can support yourself in big goals by doing something small every day that will help you achieve your future goals.
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About author
Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.