7 Lessons from 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

An abandoned pen stand I picked up reads, 'Too many books, too little time'; and so, I thought that as and when I come across something that I think one should implement in life, from whatever I am reading, I would share it. Here's the first of what I expect to be many such posts. These are 7 lessons I have taken away from 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying' by Bronnie Ware and my interpretation of them

Lesson 1 Be who you are

Very often we try to be what we are not - to either fit in, be acceptable or just because we believe that this is what is expected of us, forgetting that we too have only one life to live. So let us do and live by what we believe in; rather than living to merely please someone. A common example being taking up a course/playing a role because our family expects us to or doing something in our job that we don’t accept or believe in, only to please the boss or because we are afraid of speaking up. Let’s remember, like the father says about his daughter Siloo in the movie Thodasa Roomani Ho Jaye, it makes little sense to tailor ourselves constantly to fit the expectations of others

Lesson 2 Find balance

Between the hustle and bustle of our living circumstances (like city travel for one), our ambitions and expectations and what we see as need or a basic standard of life for the family, we tend to lose ourselves in the job and our family in the process as we get little or no time for them. As a famous Hindi song puts it ‘teri do takiye ki naukari te mere lakhon ka saawan jaaye.’ Make the time for family and friends before it is too late - either for you or them. Remember, in the long run comforts don’t matter, relationships do!

Lesson 3 Speak honestly

We often speak what others would like to hear. The reasons for this may be many; but we disguise it under the garb of politeness. But whether it comes to personal or professional relationships or whether it comes to giving advice – speak your truth quietly and convincingly (giving a reason), while not pushing it through. In the long run, it gives you satisfaction and those who value it will appreciate you for it. Remember however to be restrained and assertive and not loud and offensive! As Desiderata points out – “Speak your truth quietly and clearly”

Lesson 4 Value those you love

Life is too short to keep postponing till tomorrow quality time with family and friends, for none knows what tomorrow holds. Consequently, focus on ‘today’ – to meet, show gratitude, spend time and nurture relationships. Also, take the time off to express that value, as presuming that the other person knows it or worse still being afraid that the person will swell up with pride as a result is totally misplaced. As is famously said – “kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab, pal me pralay hoyegi, bahuri kare go kab?”

Lesson 5 Allow yourself to be happy

While we can always want more, desire is an endless pit that will never get filled. So, allow yourself the time and space to admire the little things you have and celebrate what life has to offer. Happiness is a choice and one has to make it daily. Else we will by default choose misery and remain miserable all our life. Look around, to realise how much you have and if you lose perspective watch Arunima Sinha’s TED Talk. She is bound to change your mood and perspective – both!

Lesson 6 You can manifest your deepest desires. Have faith

As the famous Shahrukh Khan dialogue goes, “agar kisi cheez ko purey dil se chaho toh saari kaynath usey tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai”. Unfortunately, often we do not believe in the power of own dreams and desires. We just have them or they are fleeting or we do not desire them wholeheartedly. Therefore, if we desire something wholeheartedly, we need to believe in it completely and dedicate our energies to it. It may take time to manifest; but manifest it will, if we keep the focus and efforts intact! And if it still doesn’t, it was possibly not meant to be! As Henry Longfellow puts it – Learn to labour and to wait.

Lesson 7 Sometimes you need to get out of your own way

Finally, let us remember that often we are our own worst enemy! A famous saying in Marathi goes that what the mind can conjure, even an enemy would not wish upon us. And so, like Milton has said – they also serve who only stand and wait! Let us learn to trust the process; as there is much which is beyond us right from our own birth to the moment of our death!

While these are 7 valuable lessons, we may each connect with a different lesson or have our own story to tell about it: I would love to hear yours! Till then, a wish that ‘tomorrow finds us farther than today’, on the road leading away from regret towards acceptance and mindfulness!

PS: Thanks Vikas and Vinita for the book!