7 Strategies to Help You Navigate Defensive Reactions in Feedback Conversations!

Dear Leaders,

Welcome back to ‘The CXO Mindset Newsletter’.

I hope you are doing great and enjoying all the colours fall is bringing this season.

As the leaves change colour and fall gracefully to the ground, we’re reminded that transformation often requires shedding what no longer serves us.  Feedback is an important part of any transformation. Many of us have people in our teams who are not open to receive feedback and thus not growing. Leaders get overwhelmed while sharing feedback to these people who might get defensive and resist feedback.

As your executive coach, I believe that with self-awareness and a human-centric approach, we can turn these potentially uncomfortable moments into opportunities for growth and collaboration.

Mastering the art of providing constructive feedback, while maintaining a healthy relationship, is crucial. Here are practical strategies to ensure your feedback leads to growth, not resentment-

1.      Change your own story

 Yes, you might have a history with this person which makes you believe that the person is going to be defensive in the conversation. So you may be either ignoring, procrastinating or tailoring your feedback to avoid the conflict or you may be just getting ready mentally ready for the their defensiveness and about conversation not going in any direction. I am suggesting you push the restart button and try to let go off the assumptions and tell yourself that you will provide the feedback for their growth aligned to their own big picture and organization’s big picture.

·       What inner story you may have for you if you have to provide this feedback for the big picture of organization?

2.      Choose the Right Setting

The environment can significantly impact how feedback is received. Opt for a private and neutral setting, which can help the recipient feel more secure and less exposed.

3.      Set the Stage with Empathy

 Before diving into feedback, acknowledge the pressures your team member faces or it may be anything you would want to acknowledge about their situation. E.g. you may start with, "I know you're juggling multiple projects and deadlines. I appreciate your hard work." This simple act can lower defenses and open minds.

·       What can you acknowledge about the recipient’s situation?

4.      Focus on Observations, Not Judgments

Instead of saying, "You're always late with reports," try, "I've noticed the last three reports were submitted after the deadline." This approach feels less personal and more factual, reducing the likelihood of defensiveness.

5.       Use the SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) Model

Describe the specific situation, the observed behavior, and its impact. For example, "During yesterday's client call (situation), when you interrupted the product manager (behavior), it created confusion for the client (impact)." This structure provides clarity and context.

6.      Invite Self-Reflection

Ask questions that enhances self-awareness.

E.g.  "How do you think that approach affected the team's productivity?" This shifts the conversation from accusation to collaborative problem-solving.

Here are some examples of questions to help self-relection-

·       what makes you think so ?

·       I notice you seem frustrated. Can you help me understand what you're feeling right now?

·       What part of this feedback is most challenging for you to hear?

·       What's your perspective on the situation I've described?

·       How do you think this feedback could help you grow in your role?

·       What do you think are the key takeaways from our discussion?

·       Can you share what you agree with in this feedback, even if it's just a small part?

·       Is there anything I'm missing or not seeing from your perspective?

·       Is there a way I could deliver this feedback that would be more helpful for you?

·       How would you prefer to receive feedback in the future?

7.      Offer Support and Solutions

Close with a forward-looking approach.E.g. "How can we work together to ensure smoother client communications in the future?" This demonstrates your commitment to their success and the team's overall improvement.

Some more questions like following may also help-

·       What support do you need from me to implement this feedback?

·       What's your action plan based on what we've discussed?

·       How can we work together to address these areas for growth?

"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Ken Blanchard

Remember, the goal isn't to win an argument but to foster growth and improvement. By approaching feedback conversations with empathy and structure, you can transform potentially defensive interactions into opportunities for meaningful development and deeper conenction.

As you reflect on these strategies, consider reflecting on:

·       How might your own biases or communication style be contributing to defensive responses?

·       What's one feedback conversation you've been avoiding, and how can you apply these techniques to approach it effectively?

·       How can I create a more receptive environment for my next feedback session?

·       What steps can I take to ensure my feedback is clear, constructive, and supportive?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Let's continue this conversation in the comments.

Here's to more productive, human-centric leadership conversations!

Thank you for reading this instalment of the newsletter. I welcome the ideas and topics that you would like to see in the future editions of the newsletter. You can send me a message here on LI or write to me at manbir@manbirkaur.com . 

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Wish you good health, happiness, and success always,

Manbir