7 Strategies For Quietening Our Inner Critic

Let's face it, we can all sometimes be prey to self-criticism.

The more we step out of our comfort zone, the more vulnerable we are to this part of ourselves.

Recently I talked with an experienced leader who has run a successful business for over 30 years.

Our conversation showed that her internal critic was alive and well and thriving on the current diet of challenging and risky decisions she needed to make.

A lack of immediate colleagues and peers with whom she could talk things through further fuelled her self-doubt. As with many others, leading through the current climate of uncertainty was taking its toll.

Add to this the sense of isolation many leaders experience the further up the organisational ladder they climb, then the door is wide open for our inner critic to enter and make lots of noise. Seniority does not mean we are immune to self-doubt or confidence blips, where support could be beneficial. 

Our inner critic is how we relate to ourselves and creates filters on our world. These filters are like lenses through which we see and interpret everything around us. They can be influenced by our past experiences, beliefs, and emotions. Our filters then influence our emotions, mindset, and physiology, affecting the quality of the outcomes we achieve. Ultimately, our inner critic saps our confidence and can damage our overall well-being and resilience.

So, how can we keep this part of ourselves at bay?

Below, I highlight seven strategies for taking on and quietening our inner critic:

1)    Recognise it.

Understanding and acknowledging our inner critic is a powerful tool that gives us the choice of how we respond. Simply noticing and stating that our inner critic is present can shift our perspective and how we relate to ourselves. This awareness can have a significant impact on lightening our mood and regaining control over our thoughts and emotions.

2)    Subtly shift the quality.

Everyone's inner critic will have qualities and tone that are unique to them. For instance, one leader I know, often hears her inner critic in the voice of her demanding boss. A straightforward technique she uses is to change the quality of the tone. She slows down the pace of speech or softens the sound. Just a tiny shift can make a difference in the emotional impact on herself, helping her to feel more confident and in control.

3)    Lighten up and use humour

Effective leaders possess a balance between gravitas and levitas. We can get overly severe and self-deprecating when our inner critic is active. It can be helpful to lighten up and refer to our inner critic more comically. For example, I refer to my inner critic as my parrot. Parrots squawk and can be very noisy and piercing in their tone, symbolic of how criticism can be perceived. I call her Polly, and when that part of myself is active, it helps me to keep things in check. After all, who wants a parrot to run their life?

4)    Develop your inner coach

In cartoons, you sometimes see the mini angel and devil appearing on the shoulders of the central character, each offering advice on what to do next. As humans, we all possess different elements of our personality. It can help to see our inner critic as only a part of who we are.

Developing another part of ourselves, our supportive inner coach can counteract the damage our critic does to our self-esteem. Our inner coach can:

• act as an objective witness, tuning into the reality of a situation
• ask valuable questions of ourselves as to how we might proceed
• be a curious inquirer
• support us to be more compassionate with ourselves
• focus on being constructive, acknowledging what works, and learning from what doesn't

5)    Mindfulness

Mindfulness is now widely advocated in many large organisations to manage stress and improve well-being. It is an intentional and nonjudgmental practice that helps us quiet our minds and associated inner critics. Developing a daily practice is restorative. Such activities can include

• meditating and breathwork
• focusing on relaxing tasks such as drawing or colouring
• being out in the fresh air and noticing nature.

Mindfulness can help us establish an inner calm and centeredness, which reduces the likelihood of our inner critic getting the upper hand.

6)    Reach out to others

No man or woman is an island. Whatever your leadership level,  accessing support can be reassuring and keep our self-doubts at bay. Talking things through can stretch our thinking, explore our concerns, and weigh the pros and cons. This leads to better decisions and increased levels of confidence. Find a mentor or coach if you have no peer group to call on. Being a leader doesn't mean you have to know everything or always get it right, but seeking support can help us work it out to give it our best shot. Talk to me about my new Wisdom Circle launching soon as this support is invaluable.

7)    Gratitude

One of the simplest ways to quieten our negative inner voice is to adjust our filters towards what is going well and be grateful.  This can sometimes seem impossible in times of crisis, but that is the time to be even more vigilant and notice what is working. A daily check-in to acknowledge what we are grateful for is one of the most powerful ways to manage our mood when feeling vulnerable. Examples could include being thankful for:

• the team
• a step achieved on your plan
• the comfort of your surroundings
• having a healthy body that works
• the sun on your face

Gratitude is universal and covers every aspect of our lives.

Try out these different strategies. Some will work better than others for you, and that's okay. What's important is that you find a way to support and empower yourself to lead in the best possible way, not only for yourself but also for those around you.

You will find more help and support for your leadership journey in my book

'Ego: Get over yourself and Lead'