A-Gay-Ny Aunt #24

Welcome to this week's edition of A-Gay-Ny Aunt!

I was asked:

I want to support my colleagues during LGBT+ History Month, and be a good ally. What can I do?

Hello there,

Thank you for being an ally!

Here are my thoughts on what you can do to be an ally, not just during LGBT+ History Month, but all year round.

In Conversation

• Listen to personal experiences of LGBTQ+ people.
• Be willing to have conversations with those around you to educate them on LGBTQ+ issues, challenges and how to support the LGBTQ+ community.
• Use inclusive language. Be aware of any gendered language you use in conversation: I hear 'guys' used a lot. Use 'partner' instead of 'boyfriend/girlfriend' or 'wife/husband'.
• Make it common place to ask people their preferred pronouns (start by saying yours).
• Be aware of misgendering and using incorrect pronouns in conversation. If you hear other people misgendering or using incorrect pronouns for someone, politely correct them.

Personal Considerations

• Don’t make assumptions about anything in their private life, such as their sexual orientation or gender identity, or that of their partner. Their private life is just that. If they want to talk to you about it, they will. If they don’t, respect that.
• Don’t assume LGBTQ+ individuals don’t have, like, or want children or want to get married.
• Change your habits to avoid making assumptions about people's sexual orientation, gender identity or pronouns - and encourage the people in your life to do the same. 
• If someone has come out to you, that doesn’t mean they are ready to come out to everyone. Don’t ‘out’ them to others or share information they have told you in confidence. Let them be the one to tell who they choose to tell and when they are ready. Do not gossip and share other people's confidential information. It is not yours to share.
• Be aware of your unconscious biases and explore strategies to reduce/eliminate these.
• Be aware of the assumptions you make and any behaviour changes you make based on these.
• 'Passing' is a big source of anxiety for the transgender community. Be sensitive to this. They may be anxious about how they look, what they wear, how they sound on the telephone. They may want to regularly change their photograph, as they progress further into their transition and their physical features change. Be aware of this.

Learn

• Make the effort to educate yourself about LGBTQ+ issues. Be tuned into the issues LGBTQ+ individuals face. Educate yourself about body dysmorphia, substance abuse, mental health, intersectionality, race, faith etc.
• Attend LGBTQ+ training events, webinars, seminars, conferences.
• Raise your awareness of the support available to the LGBTQ+ community. What support is available, who can they talk to confidentially and where can you signpost people to for specialist support, where appropriate.
• Read your company policies and procedures.
• Watch films and documentaries about LGBTQ+ identities, cultures and relationships.
• Read books and articles written by LGBTQ+ writers and authors.
• Listen to LGBTQ+ podcasts.
• Follow LGBTQ+ voices on social media.
• Imagine that you are LGBTQ+ for a day. What do you notice?

Challenge

• Be proactive. Continually ask yourself – what more could I do to be supportive and inclusive?
• Challenge any stereotypical or gender-based language, clothing and expectations.
• If you hear someone asking a disrespectful question or speaking out of turn towards an LGBTQ+ person, take them aside and have a conversation with them. Educate them and explore how their tone or intention might be received by the LGBTQ+ individual. Taking them aside and doing this in a gentle and educational way can be all it takes to shift that persons future way of thinking and operating.
• If you notice any inappropriate behaviour or discrimination directed towards an LGBTQ+ individual, speak out and then check in with them. Be aware you may need to report the behaviour. Know the reporting protocol in your organisation.
• Within your organisation, talk about day to day issues your LGBTQ+ colleagues might face and what you can do about those. As a starting point: have discussions about record keeping and personal information. Make sure you are using inclusive gender options and have pronouns listed to select from. Discuss processes for updating personal records.
• Consider ways you can give your time, energy and skills to LGBTQ+ individuals and groups in your own community.
• Ask questions. Once you have done some learning and research, sit with the questions that come up for you. What thoughts do you have about the topics you learned about? Ask! Don't be afraid to reach out and ask questions. That is what will make you a stronger ally.

Visibility

• State your pronouns and that you are an LGBTQ+ ally on your email signature.
• Make yourself visible as an LGBTQ+ ally. Wear a badge or lanyard, put it on your email signature, attend LGBTQ+ Employee Network events, attend LGBTQ+ events in the community, talk to others about your support for the LGBTQ+ community. 
• Celebrate with your LGBTQ+ colleagues on international and national LGBTQ+ holidays, such as Pride, LGBT+ History Month, Bi-Visibility Day, International Transgender Day of Visibility. There are tons of things you can celebrate.

Hope that helps,

Gina x

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Have your questions answered in A-Gay-Ny Aunt

A-Gay-Ny Aunt is a weekly column written by Gina Battye - about navigating work, relationships, family and feelings, your sexuality and gender and being your Authentic Self in a chaotic and often confusing world.

To have your questions answered anonymously in A-Gay-Ny Aunt, please DM Gina or send an email to discovery@ginabattye.com

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About Gina Battye

Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.

As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina's work has been featured widely in the media, including:

Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan.

Media Enquiries | Authentic Self Process | 5 Pillars of Psychological Safety