A-Gay-Ny Aunt #7

A-Gay-Ny Aunt is a weekly column written by Gina Battye - about navigating work, relationships, family and feelings, your sexuality and gender and being your Authentic Self in a chaotic and often confusing world.

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In this week's column:

• I think my son might be gay, or bisexual.

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I Think My Son Might Be Gay, Or Bisexual. What Do I Need To Be Aware Of?

Hello there,

As a parent, you KNOW things about your children. Right? I realised that from personal experience. I didn't have to tell my mum I am gay. She just knew.

Please be aware that even though your son may be giving off that vibe to you right now, he may not know the words to use to talk to you about how he feels. He may not understand how he feels. And he may struggle to open up about the confusion he is feeling and experiencing.

He is growing up in a heterosexual world. On a practical level for a young person questioning their sexuality, that can be incredibly challenging. Education in schools around LGBT+ relationships is limited/non-existent and the mainstream media and messages we hear on a daily basis are not generally inclusive to the LGBT+ community. You will predominately see and hear heterosexual references and language as the norm in films and TV.

Your son may be looking for evidence that it is ok to be gay, bisexual, pansexual - whatever he feels is right for him - in the media, socially, among his family members etc. And when he finds that evidence, he will begin to learn the language to use to express himself and his thoughts and feelings. Be patient with him as he goes through this process.

What You Can Do To Help

• Send out the key message that it is ok to love whoever you choose and you will always support him.
• Be inclusive with your language. For example: use gender neutral references when talking about partners.
• Cultivate the environment where your son can share and talk about anything with you. If he feels he can talk to you about the little things, he will talk to you about the big things. By doing this you are sending out the message to him that he can talk to you when he is ready.
• When your son does talk to you, put down your phone/devices and give him your full attention. All any child wants is to be heard and to be loved.
• Ask questions. Be curious about him, his interests, his life and his view on the world. Keep the communication between you flowing.
• Educate him. Watch documentaries and videos you find on YouTube together. Engage in discussion around what you have seen. Again, this opens the door for the conversation to flow. There are LGBT+ TV shows, documentaries and movies out there when you look for them - YouTube, Netflix, Amazon Prime, to name a few places to take a look.
• Encourage your son to explore his identity. Let him play around to see how he likes to express himself. He will want to explore ‘who am I?’ so he can define his own identity. Create a safe space for him to do this.
• Normalise being LGBT+. Talk about your LGBT+ friends, colleagues and those in the public eye. Keep an eye out for LGBT+ related news and have a conversation about it with your son. Ask his thoughts and opinions.
• Become an LGBT+ ally. Talk about the work you do around this and what you observe others doing.

When He Does Open Up To You

Ask:

• What do you want?
• What do you want to do about it?
• What do you feel about it?
• How can I support you?

Do’s And Don’ts When Your Son Comes Out To You

Thank him for talking to you about it and sharing this with you.

Reassure him.

Let him know he can talk to you about anything, now or in the future.

Don’t say ‘you are brave’. Subconsciously you are telling him it is a difficult thing to talk about or that it shouldn’t be talked about.

You don’t need to sit him down and have ‘the chat’. If you cultivate the environment where he can talk to you about anything, he will never feel the need to ‘officially come out’ to you. You will be exploring and learning together. How beautiful is that?

Answer any questions he may have. If you can’t, guide him to someone that can.

There is no right and wrong here. Trust me when I say you can’t get it wrong. Continue to be there for him. Reassure him. Encourage him. Nurture him. Love him. Create the space for him to blossom into who he really is and to be his Authentic Self.

Hope that helps,

Gina x

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Have your questions answered in A-Gay-Ny Aunt

To have your questions answered anonymously in A-Gay-Ny Aunt, please DM Gina or send an email to discovery@ginabattye.com

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About Gina Battye

Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.

As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina's work has been featured widely in the media, including:

Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan.

Media Enquiries | Authentic Self Process | 5 Pillars of Psychological Safety