Acing The Test

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Journal Entry: After the Test

"This wasn't exactly how I'd imagined the New Year starting off for me; however, I am so glad that it did. And that I passed this test with flying colors! The almost unreal scenario of being set up and used by a business acquaintance from LinkedIn, to enrage his jealous wife into coming after me, driving all the way from Texas on the stormy last weekend of 2019, was the stuff of cheap fiction.

Yet, that's exactly what rolled out. And I handled it perfectly, including offing the lout on Facebook who attempted to shame me over my reaction to being stalked. That's okay, I've dealt with all kinds of bullies in my life, and now know that they are adept at projecting their own vile personal garbage at others, while pretending it didn't originate with them. That one's gone, too. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Having been born to desperately dysfunctional parents, I grew up being kicked between them, always stuck in the middle of a pair of cowardly individuals who were too chickenshit to work out their personal stuff directly. The dad began molesting me from infancy on, and set me up as the "other woman" when I was still a toddler, slyly letting the mother know that his "affections" were divided inappropriately toward her oldest daughter. Of course she hated me, even more than she already did. And he did, too, because I could see both of their malignantly decayed souls; although I had no power to do anything about it in those days.

The pedophile dad always made sure to remind me, as he was pleasuring himself at my expense, that if I fought him, he'd refuse to house, clothe, or feed me. He threatened my sister with the same punishments. More than 50 years after living through that childhood hell, hers and my memories match exactly.

In the instance of the deceitful man from LinkedIn, his treachery mirrored the evil dad's as he sought to get close to me by promising to refer my art and portrait work to his associates in "high places". That was the "grooming of the victim" stage of such a typically dysfunctional scheme, where the predator figures out what the victim wants, and then pretends to be able to supply it.

This creep acted as if I could not survive financially without his help. In truth, he knew that I was not interested in any connection with him other than a possible business one. I informed him about my practice of paying referral fees to those who send potential clients that result in sales of my existing original artwork. He acted all insulted and said he would NEVER accept money from me. Which told me that he was after something else. Unfortunately for him, I began to recognize the game he was playing for what it was: sheer entrapment. Unlike my childhood hell, I also knew that he is not the Source of my Good. Not in any way.

When one finally believes one's own senses and the all important data they automatically collect for us, there is no reason to over-think any situation. My personal "Silent Observer" now comes to my rescue before I even realize I am in danger. That higher consciousness part of my Self, that I have deliberately developed over the past 27 years, repeatedly examining and clearing from my DNA the dysfunctional ancestral bullshit passed on without a thought by untold generations, is now very powerful.

Also known as my "Guardian Angel", She is always watching the goings-on in my life from a neutral front row seat in a darkened Shakespearean theater. Just as individual characters in a play deliver their lines and act out their roles, unaware of what others may be up to, so do we mortals usually go through our own lives. Having so arduously cleaned up my life experiences thus far, though; and made unshakable choices to NOT repeat toxic relationship patterns, I can no longer ignore urgent warnings being shouted from the audience.

My Guardian Angel hisses, boos, and hurls rotten tomatoes onto the stage of my life whenever Snidely Whiplash or Cruela appears, long before either of them has a chance to do their dastardly deeds. Once caught in the act, the bad ones inevitably protest their lily-white innocence, especially when I leap to effectively squash their manipulative evil before they have a chance to cause harm. Their outraged insistence that they are actually in my corner no longer rings true. I've learned this lesson well, and trust my Self to absolutely know evil whenever it is encountered, and to either give it a wide berth, or barring that, to put a bullet between its beady eyes.

Thank God."