Adaptation

I have worked to adapt, to learn how to thrive in Corporate America. Raised by Korean immigrants who worked blue collar jobs till the day they retired, I had no role model at home or in my community for success in Corporate America. While academic success, which invariably leads to financial stability, was always my parents focus the specifics of where to go and what to do when you get there were never considered or explained. I don't blame my parents because how do you explain something you don't know? It's as vague and haunting as a dream.

I remember my first work happy hours, holding my cocktail in my soggy napkin, laughing at everyone's jokes and hoping no one would ask me why I was laughing because I honestly had no idea. Standing in a circle of men I heard the sports stories, the college stories, the television, movie, music references, the "You know what I means" but I didn't, this was not my experience. I saw the glimmer in colleagues eyes when they made a connection; the same college, the same sports team. I saw those relationships quickly propel, saw the "taking under the wing" happen right in front of me. Over the years I learned the predictability of these jokes so that I could chime in at the right time, garner the laughter and sometimes even be the recipient of that glimmer of connection. But it was about as hollow as my empty cocktail glass.

I've sat in conference rooms where I've given way to others to speak ahead, where I deferred to other's opinions because they had more tenure, more experience, more years. I've allowed people to assume I am smarter than I am, that I am wealthier than I am and that I moonlight as a kung fu master. I've also been told that I am shy, modest and quiet. While my behavior is derived from a complicated web of culture, upbringing and values others perceptions are largely based on a rather simplistic web of stereotypes.

When I started my career all I wanted was to fit in. As a young Asian woman working in a predominantly white male industry I was overwhelmed. I didn't grow up around white men. I didn't know how to navigate these conversations or how to behave. So I adopted their behaviors, their backgrounds and their experiences. And as long as they never asked I could stay silent and let assumptions be made.

Over the years I've been shedding the layers of adaptation, attempting to fill in the incomplete picture drawn from stereotypes. I've found my strengths and my differentiators, I've found people that understood me and mentored me, I've found likeness and genuine connections with all kinds of men and women, and I've found vulnerability. I know the role I played in my history, the mask I chose to wear. And I also know my experience is not unique. It is human nature to adapt to our surroundings but it is our responsibility in Corporate America to make those surroundings as diverse and inclusive as possible.