ADHD at work. The good, the bad...the truth.

October is ADHD awareness month. And now that I am starting to my own business, I feel safe enough to share more about my personal experiences in the workplace as someone with ADHD. I was really struck by the response to my first article on ADHD. Friends, colleagues, total strangers…I heard from close to 100 individuals. Some had also been diagnosed, some were curious, others asked how to support someone with ADHD. One thing was clear - nearly everyone asked me to continue to write and share – especially about my experiences in the workplace.

Why have I not felt safe to share, especially on a work-based platform, up until now? Here are a few reasons:

1.) I have not really known how much my ADHD impacted me until living with it knowingly and understanding it better for several years.

2.)There is a moral stigma that comes with ADHD. People are often judgmental and promote negative stereotypes.

3.) In hindsight, I have experienced discrimination in more than one workplace due to my ADHD – despite over-achieving my goals and winning multiple awards across industries. (Having said that – I have a very basic fundamental belief that people are always doing the best they can with the information they have.)

A well-known M.D., author and researcher on the subject, Dr. Ned Hallowell, describes the ADHD brain like this: “People with ADHD have Ferrari brains with bicycle brakes.”

We are typically highly creative, exceptionally intuitive, and very persistent. We can be explorers, visionaries, athletes, Nobel Prize winners and entrepreneurs. Simone Biles, who has ADHD, has to be very persistent and focused to become one of the most decorated gymnasts in the world. Albert Einstein was believed to have had ADHD because he was both disorganized and forgetful and at the same time. He said of himself: “I have no special talent. I am passionately curious.” Dave Grohl, while not My Hero, and even in Times Like These (see what I did there?) brings an incredible level of creativity and energy as one of the most prolific musicians of my generation. He dropped out of school at age 17 to “see the world.” Yep, he has ADHD.

I was diagnosed with very recently in terms of dog years. The diagnosis, which nearly did not happen, has probably been the single most life-changing experience of my life (with the exception of adopting my son from Ethiopia). I did not seek a diagnosis. It never occurred to me that I might have ADHD. Not for a second. I always knew I was different than a lot of people. I was diagnosed 100% because I have an amazing doctor. Kind of unbelievably, I almost did not even see this particular doctor because he was “very young.” He took over a practice from a doctor I really liked and had seen for 20+ years. I thought: “I’ll see this guy to get my thyroid meds refilled, then I’ll find my next doctor closer to my age.”

The first time we met, this “young” doctor me asked: “How are things with work?” I told him that I absolutely loved my job.

Which I did. He probed further. (Enter: shame.) I reluctantly told him I was aware that I was not able to successfully control my responses in different situations. I have high levels of ideation, and I found myself literally not able to not share new ideas, even though I had been told many times I had too many. (Apologies for the double negative.) I also found myself feeling more emotional/reactive than I would have liked about certain situations.

Why couldn’t I just do things differently or better – no matter how hard I tried? What the heck was wrong with me? I pounded my head against the wall trying to be different/better.

A bit of an aside, these things were really bothering me. I loved my job and hoped to be in it for the rest of my career. I put up sticky notes: “No new ideas Anne!” “Don’t show any frustration no matter the situation, Anne!” I asked my husband to remind me not to share ideas and tell me when I was running hot. I worked with a mentor. I tried hypnotherapy. I was mis-diagnosed with bipolar disorder – as many women with ADHD are. The drugs made me sick and made my ADHD symptoms worse. And at work? I became almost paranoid – certainly afraid to show up fully. And, little by little, people started avoiding me and pulling their support. It was the hardest professional experience of my life. But - I learned a tremendous amount and met some amazing people. So how can I not be thankful?

It turns out the two things I mentioned having difficulty with at work are key traits of ADHD – impulse control – or better stated, lack thereof, and emotional regulation – or lack thereof. Here are some further examples of challenges I’ve had in professional settings, and yes – these are hard to share:

●  Forgetting about repetitive tasks that need to be done, especially those that don’t motivate me.

●  Having to ask the same thing multiple times.

●  Difficulty concentrating/focusing during meetings.

●  Detailed spreadsheets terrify me – most really detailed things scare me.

●  Rejection sensitivity...exactly what it sounds like, and one of the things I struggle with much more than I would like.

●  I cannot sit still. Long meetings, especially online ones, are a type of torture. (As is the symphony.)

●  I do not experience the typical “time blindness” associated with ADHD in terms of being late, I am typically early to a fault. But my time blindness shows up with scheduling meetings – especially across time zones. I once missed an interview because I switched the time zones in my head the night before and showed up two hours late.

●  And while I don’t do this as much anymore, for my entire life I took on too much – and ended up not being able to handle it all.

These examples are all a result of inadequate dopamine response, poor short-term memory, the aforementioned poor impulse control and lack of emotional regulation. And while everyone with ADHD is of course different, we share a lot of these symptoms.

 ADHD is often regarded as something made up to sell supplements or prescription drugs, as an excuse for poor performance, or only something that only affects young boys. (Boys are more than three times more likely to be diagnosed than girls.) And women, especially if we are high functioning, are not even on the radar. “Just take more fish oil.” Or: “Try the Keto diet!” Nope.

No amount fish oil will change the structure of our brains. ADHD is a medical diagnosis.

Like someone with dyslexia or autism, those of us with ADHD have brains which developed non-typically. Our brains process information differently than neurotypicals. Make no mistake – living with ADHD is extremely hard and taxing. I’ve read and heard that those living with ADHD work as much as 10 times harder than neurotypicals, because in addition to everything we’re doing, we are also trying to appear “normal.” No, I don’t know how this was measured. But no wonder we are so often exhausted.

Undiagnosed or diagnosed ADHD can lead to / result in tremendous shame. Ah...there it is, cue the “S” word. Another well-known ADHD expert, William Dodson says: “For many people with ADHD, shame arises from the repeated failure to meet expectations from parents, teachers, friends, bosses, and the world.” For me it most certainly did. Throw in some childhood trauma and I had a perfect recipe for abhorring myself. (Much more on shame in my next article.)

Back to that brilliant doctor...he completely changed my life. I started taking medication. I listened to and read every single thing I could find on adult women with ADHD. I was amazed! Finally, all of the random, previously unexplainable quirks about me made sense. And while medication does not fix my challenges – it gives me the space to process before responding. (Sometimes I can leave something for days! It’s incredible!) Medication helps with my attention span and emotional regulation. Medication slows my brain a bit. A little bit.

And that little bit has been enough for me to make huge changes in my life. The symphony is still a hard no, I just no longer apologize for it.

In the US, people talk about having to “hit rock bottom” before making significant, lasting and hard change. Losing a job I adored – and the people I cared for at said job, struggling with my abilities as a mother, feeling like a flake because I couldn’t do all of the things in life I committed to, a bunch of things caused me to feel I had hit rock bottom.

But I am a very tenacious and (probably annoyingly) persistent person. I used every bit of self-worth I had (and some I didn’t have) and decided I would never again hate myself. It is not an easy task to just suddenly love yourself. (And that is not what happened with me.) But with the support of my amazing husband, my incredible son, my great friends, my mentor and lest I forget, my amazing new business partner – who also has ADHD – I started the long, difficult process of crawling out of the deep dark hole I had lived in.

I started to see the things that I AM good at. I started putting less value on the things I’m not good at.

I still work every day to change my mindset. And, most importantly, rather than trying over and over to prove my value, I walk away from the people who do not give me the benefit of the doubt or those who question my value as a human and/or colleague.

I no longer apologize for who I am. I have LOTS of ideas. I move very quickly in most things I do. (OK, probably in everything I do.) I am decisive in chaotic situations. I am adventurous and seek out things like rock climbing (the most calming activity I’ve ever found) and canyoneering. I am creative and a problem-solver – which are often the same thing. I see patterns and connections where others do not. I love building relationships. I am tenacious, resilient, intuitive and empathetic. I have the magical gift called “hyperfocus.” When I’m interested in something I can accomplish more in a shorter time than most anyone I know. A mentor once told me I have an uncanny ability to “see” the future – especially in business.

I still have work to do. (I will always be someone who still has work to do.) I choose to spend both personal time and work time with people who respect and value me – especially my husband, son and core group of friends. I spend more time in nature. I read about unconditional love and the female archetypes who embody it. I write. I breathe. I create. I shine authentically and unapologetically. I prioritize helping friends who, like me, have lost a fiancé or spouse, and/or those who have also been diagnosed with ADHD. These things make me feel good, they fulfill me. And, above all, I do not let myself hate me anymore, ever.

My message is this. This. Shit. Is. Hard.

But with the right tools and support it can be manageable and even doable. If you or someone you know is struggling with ADHD – or the possibility of ADHD, I am always happy to talk, to listen (although I still interrupt too much) or to just hold whomever in my heart, knowing that it is a terribly hard path. We are in it together, and together we can accomplish anything. I, for one, am certainly here to cheer us on.