Adult Children and Expanding Families Call for a Rethinking of Traditions

Parenting adult children brings a joy I never anticipated. I’m still “the mom,” of course, but now we share a remarkable friendship. Both Jake and Zack have told me that their late father, Darren, was their very best friend. How incredible is that!

Not all changes happen naturally, though. As our children grow up, we often have to rethink the way things have "always been done." Traditions evolve.  Family time—whether on vacations or during holidays—looks different as our family changes. Sometimes these transitions are smooth, but they can also be challenging, especially as someone who loves routine.

I love tradition!

For me, tradition means summer vacations to national parks, Frito boats on Halloween, and extended family gatherings at home on Christmas Eve. I even have seven Disneyland Half Marathon medals that prove how many Labor Day weekends the boys and I spent running together at the Happiest Place on Earth.

If something works, I tend to hold on to it, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

But things have been shifting. With one son living in Europe and the other now living a couple of hours away, I’m getting used to change. Without grandchildren in the picture, I know I still have a lot to learn about adaptability. My time will come. For now, I’m taking things one step at a time.

Bigger families can can mean even more fun

As Jake and Zack grew older, I started imagining big family adventures. I saw older friends traveling with their entire families, including adult children, their spouses, and grandchildren. That vision lit a spark in me—I knew I wanted similar experiences for my family, too!

Recently, I spent a week with the boys and their girlfriends in Costa del Sol, Spain. It was a dream come true! Spending time with my sons—whether in our backyard or in a new, exciting place—is always a priority. Though my boys don’t yet have families of their own, their significant others have become part of our family, and I was thrilled to have everyone together on this vacation.

Some days, we all lounged on the sun-soaked beach, relaxing and cooling off in the Mediterranean. Other days, we explored separately and then came together for dinner, taking turns preparing meals. I loved listening to everyone share the stories behind their appetizers and entrees, and the conversations over dinner were some of the best I’ve had.

But, of course, with growth comes complexity. As families expand, it becomes necessary to consider others' schedules, locations, and traditions. Sometimes traditions have to be adapted, whether that means moving holiday dinners or celebrating at a different time. It’s not always easy.

Holidays can be the real test

Most parents understand the challenge of juggling everyone’s needs during the holidays. It’s a delicate, and often exhausting, balancing act. As families grow, our beloved traditions need to evolve to accommodate everyone.  Compromise is inevitable.

I remember one hectic Christmas when the boys were little. Darren and I packed them into the car and made three different stops across the county before finally arriving at my parents’ house for Christmas dinner. Ours were the only grandchildren at the time, and everyone wanted their Christmas morning with them.

It didn’t take long for us to realize that frantic trek wasn’t fair to anyone. The following year, we pared it down to two stops, and eventually, all the grandparents and Darren’s siblings gathered at our house for Christmas dinner. It took time, but we found a rhythm that worked.

We had to be even more flexible when Jake moved to Munich with Chrissy. It wasn’t always easy, but we figured it out. Now, with Zack living in Paso Robles with Natalia—and with a new special person in my life (that’s a story for another day!)—this season will be even more different.

We’re still working out the details, and I realize that what works this year may not be the best fit next year. But while I love tradition, it’s the quality time with my family that truly matters. Whenever and wherever that happens to be.