Advice For Men In The Workplace

We’ve heard the conversation before about men being afraid to mentor women. The topic has been popping up frequently in the last few weeks, especially in our lounge at the World Economic Forum, and afterwards when The New York Times  covered our challenge.

We know many men don’t want to work with women. We know men are afraid to say or do the wrong thing in the post movement era. So what are we going to do about it? To reverse this trend, it’s time to stop talking about the problem and to start moving forward with positive, proactive solutions.

We’ve classified men into three categories: Creepy, clueless and classy. Most men fall into the classy category. For the creepy, their behavior is unacceptable and there is no excuse. The clueless just need an education, since they often don't know what to do and turn into the silent type. Here are some ways to coach men on what is okay and not okay to do or say in the workplace today.

Don’t make assumptions. Don’t be afraid to have the conversation at work about what makes you feel uncomfortable—such as a man telling you that you look nice if that is how you feel—because he may simply be unaware. What may be okay for one person might not be okay for the next, and it varies across generations. Follow the Platinum Rule of “do unto others as they’d want done unto themselves.” For men, don’t assume that your female colleague feels comfortable; just ask. You might say, ‘I’d like to have a meeting with you out of the office. Would you like to go to breakfast, lunch or dinner? Where would you like to go? Are you comfortable with this?’

Men should be intentional about mentoring women. Let’s not forget that leadership is still predominantly male, so we can’t lose our leaders as mentors. It’s unacceptable for men to avoid mentoring women; rather men should actively seek out women to mentor and sponsor. It must be clear in our workplaces that men mentoring women is not only okay, but is expected, whether that’s by introducing formal mentorship pairing programs or having male leaders who model doing so. It’s a win for men too, who will score more diversified networks and a greater sphere of influence.

Follow the same rules of mentorship for all. The “Pence Effect” has been getting a lot of buzz lately, where the VP famously said he would not dine alone with a woman other than his wife. To level the playing field and not exclude women access to important mentorship opportunities, male leaders should follow the same rules of behavior for both men and women. That means if you are not going to take a woman alone to breakfast, lunch or dinner, then don’t take a man alone.

If you see something, say something. Assume people have positive intentions, but if you see someone doing something that’s clearly inappropriate, do or say something. It’s your responsibility to call out bad behavior.

Be a role model. Men can be role models for other men about doing the right thing. Invite a woman to a meeting if only men are at the table, or give up your keynote speech to a woman if there needs to be female representation on the stage. Repeat women’s statements in meetings if you see they’re being ignored. When you help amplify women’s voices, you’re setting an example for others.

Practice inclusive actions. What if each of us woke up in the morning and asked ourselves, ‘Who do I want to be today?’ Micro actions will lead to next-step change. I had a male boss who hung up pictures of his kids all over his office and was very vocal that his home-life was a top priority for him. If more men were to do this in the workplace, it would help eliminate the motherhood penalty and normalize caregiving in the workplace for both genders. And who is responsible for pay transparency? How wonderful will it be when men and women freely share their salaries?

What if we stopped waiting for permission and starting rewriting the rules? We all have the power to flip the script, transform workplace culture and create the new norm. After all, we’re in this together; we for we.

This article was originally published on FORBES.