Agile People Principles: Authenticity

“When you show up authentic, you create the space for others to do the same. Walk-in your truth”

My relationship with Authenticity

I grew up in Sweden in the 1960s and 70s, one of the world's safest and most fortunate countries. My parents were ordinary Swedes with a big love for nature. They were both teachers, meaning we had much time together as a family during the school holidays. In our free time, we walked, skied, or hiked in the forest or the mountains nearby. We also had a small sailboat to get to the islands around our country house in Smögen. My brother and I enjoyed a happy childhood without any troubles until the unthinkable happened. My father had a heart attack and died.

His sudden death was a significant event in my life on many different levels. I was just 11 years old when I learned that unexpected things happen and that you need to deal with them. My father was my hero. Teenagers usually start questioning their parents and finally understand that they are human and have flaws like everybody else. My father never lived long enough, so I never experienced his not-so-flattering personality traits. So, in my eyes, he remained perfect until he died.

Though some may say he was very stubborn, in my eyes, he never gave up. He always spent much time with my brother and me and was always calm, authentic, and happy in our company. He used to tell me that if I aimed for the stars, I would reach the treetops. That expression has stuck in my head for decades. My love for OKRs (the Objectives and Key Results framework used to set and measure goals) has roots in this belief. There is something so appealing about stretching yourself and trying hard to reach your objective, even if you don't make it all the way. My childhood shaped my personality and values for living and acting in my private life and the workplace.

My father was everything I adored, and he could not say or do anything that was not perfect and right. He was the most authentic person I have ever known. I saw his way of being the ideal human way to behave and be, so I copied that into my personality. It's always been vital for me to do what I thought was the best and proper way, regardless of the consequences and what others think. This approach has not always led to the best result or left me without consequences, but I paid the price throughout life, sticking stubbornly to what I believed was right.

It can hurt to be authentic and damage others unless you think about the consequences first. There have been times when I have hurt people with Authenticity in a way that I deeply regretted later. However, as I have become older, I have learned not to share ALL my thoughts, to keep some things to myself, and to listen. You don't need to say EVERYTHING.

Reiss Motivation taught me that people are always biased and that there is always a reason why people do what they do and think what they think. We quickly conclude our perspectives and experiences without understanding other perspectives and then generalize. "People" believe that… "People" do like this… No, "people" don't think or do that; YOU believe and do that.

Authenticity is good if you respect others and try not to hurt them with your truth. After all, YOUR TRUTH is precisely that, and you are biased, just like everybody else on this planet.

As a consultant, I have often been in trouble in the workplace because of my Authenticity. People want the solutions for different reasons, not necessarily the "right" or "best" solution. I haven't been successful "playing the game," which might be one of the reasons I started my own company quite late in my career. I may not have found a company with a value structure that I could easily buy into. Or perhaps I was just tired of being told what to do :) Steve Jobs once said you don't hire smart people and then tell them what to do.

The definition of Authenticity

I collected definitions from dictionaries and quotes from people who had something to say about Authenticity. The first one is from an online dictionary, Merriam-Webster:

Authenticity: “being true to one's personality, spirit, or character.”

or “made or done the same way as an original”

The following description of Authenticity that I liked comes from Roy T Bennet, Author of The Light in the Heart, who describes it like this:

“Don't let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It's your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don't let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others' prescribed path. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. It would help if you decided who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.”

Another author, Sue Fitzmaurice from Wellington, New Zealand, made a bullet list that I quite liked:

"What it means to be authentic:

• to be more concerned with truth than opinions
• to be sincere and not pretend
• to be free from hypocrisy: "Walk your talk."
• to know who you are and to be that person
• to not fear others seeing your vulnerabilities
• being confident to walk away from situations where you can't be yourself
• being awake to your feelings
• being free from others' opinions of you
• accepting and loving yourself."

I like that she discusses not fearing others seeing your vulnerabilities, which defines courage. If you dare to be vulnerable, you are also courageous. Vulnerability is essential for leaders in many businesses; you don't need all the answers. I am not pretending to know everything but humble to my peers' and others' knowledge, competence, and experiences.

And, of course, there is the famous quote about Authenticity from Steve Jobs:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your inner voice. And most important, dare to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Authenticity at work

Ultimately, Authenticity is about not having to put on a mask when you park your car in the office parking space, wearing it all day, and removing it when you go home, just to be yourself when you park the car again at home. We need to be ourselves at work, as playing a fake role will drain us of energy and not bring out the best in us. Do you have a "work version" of yourself that is not you? In that case, you might not benefit from being your authentic self at work.

The company culture can be essential and prevent you from being open and vulnerable. If you, for example, work in a very professional consulting firm/industry, the culture may force you to behave in a certain way, pretending that you have all the answers and never doubt yourself. Maybe your colleagues carry themselves in a certain way, and you do everything to fit in and be like them. People are not authentic at work for many reasons, which stops them from reaping fulfillment in their workplace. It may be almost impossible to be genuine in some cultures, which can be when your values differ significantly from the organization's value system. That's why evaluating culture fit is crucial when hiring new people. Without the consistency between personal and organizational values, it will not be possible to perform and be happy in the long term. It may trigger somebody to move on and change employers.

The benefits of being true to yourself and showing both weak and strong personality traits at work are immense and proven in many studies. Google, for example, has researched what makes teams high-performing and concluded that the teams with the highest levels of psychological safety produced the highest value for customers. In addition, a sense of respect, acceptance, and trust created an authentic workplace, contributing to high performance levels.

So, real employee engagement comes from authentic people who do something they love daily and find their careers satisfying. Being authentic at work helps you align with what you like to do, your best skills, and your values. Challenges will encourage you to be your best self, and you will feel happy at work and with what you do.

Also, being authentic will increase your confidence about your views and what you deliver. Your internal compass will guide your decisions, and you can be open and speak from your heart and inner thoughts. Confidence becomes crucial for being able to express your authentic self.

When you express your true feelings, you communicate honesty to other people, and they will find it easier to trust you and build lasting relationships with you. In addition, authentic connections between people who trust each other create conditions for collaboration and use every team member's strengths in the best possible way.

Success comes from following your passions rather than doing work you don't enjoy. Becoming an entrepreneur is often driven by a desire for a specific cause or position. You are more likely to become successful when you are passionate about something. Authenticity is a catalyst for a profitable company with happy, performing people!

What does Authenticity have to do with leadership? In a leadership position, Authenticity is critical since people are drawn to leaders who believe in their actions. The passion and the confidence spread like waves on the water that will inspire others to follow.

As you understand by now, Authenticity will be a non-negotiable must for a happy and successful career. But to be authentic, you need first to know yourself. You cannot just "be yourself" if you don't know who you are, what your values are, and what you prefer over other things. This journey to find your true self can start in many different ways. One of them is via a Reiss Motivation profile (ref), a fantastic tool to understand yourself (and understand other people) on a deep level.

We tend to value Authenticity highly. We usually don't like people who come across as false or untrue to themselves—instead, we try to avoid them. Being authentic means standing up for what you believe and speaking your truth, even if it's not always what others want to hear. It also means commitment and passion to your cause, what you want to achieve, and what you are convinced is the best way forward.

However, the question is, authentic to what?

People can be committed to and passionate about many things, but more than commitment and passion is needed. Authenticity is when someone believes in what they say or acts consistently with their beliefs. An inauthentic person can stand up and say what they genuinely believe. We should not judge Authenticity purely by a person's passion for what they say. The more critical part of the authenticity question is to look at the person's character. What's behind what they say? What is the intention of their words?

According to

Stephen Joseph, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology, health, and social care at the University of Nottingham, UK

authentic people possess several common characteristics that show they are psychologically mature and fully functioning as human beings:

• They have realistic perceptions of reality.
• They are accepting of themselves and other people.
• They are thoughtful.
• They have a non-hostile sense of humor.
• They can express their emotions freely and clearly.
• They are open to learning from their mistakes.
• They understand their motivations.

The above is what it means to be true to oneself. And conversely, inauthentic people:

• They are self-deceptive and unrealistic in their perceptions of reality.
• Look to others for approval and to feel valued.
• Are judgmental of other people.
• Refrain from thinking things through clearly.
• Have a wicked sense of humor.
• They are unable to express their emotions freely and clearly.
• They need to be open to learning from their mistakes.
• I need help understanding their motivations.

If behind what a person says and does is a defensive and self-deceptive approach to life, no matter how passionate and committed they are to a cause, they are ultimately not true to themselves.

Authenticity is ultimately about qualities that show healthy, non-defensive functioning and psychological maturity. We must look for those qualities in ourselves and the people we bring into our organizations.

This is a chapter from the book Agile People Principles, Your Call to Action for the Future of Work. The book is included in the course material of Agile People Development and Business Agility Foundations, which is part of all our Leadership Courses.