Alarming incidences of Younger children getting beaten up by parents during the lockdown
Days spent at home during lockdown will leave us with so many new experiences which we will discuss till our last breathe. Along with so many emails on other issues, I started receiving emails from parents who are feeling guilty about their behaviour.
They have their work assignments to complete and their children are around having fun, running, peeping into the webcam, making noise, etc. To make their WORK FROM HOME calls seamless, they need a quick solution, thus they land up abusing their children which they regret later and wrote to me for advice. They applied these suggestions and have now requested me to write about it to help other parents in a similar situation. So, here it goes.
No parent reading this article wants to beat or hit their child but when a child develops an unruly behaviour and doesn’t obey their parents, few parents may resort to beating their child to discipline them. In most cases, parents are forced to take the rod out of desperation. When all other methods of disciplining or reasoning fail to work, parents use force.
Fathers may raise their hand, mothers may rush for a cooking ladle and bring it down on their child while screaming at them. The magic (according to parents) happens, this gets their child to shut up and obey them. It’s much easier than controlling your anger and trying to understand your child.
There are sufficient records of distress calls on Childline number 1098 during lockdown due to COVID-19. Few parents believe that beating up their child is the easiest way to get their child to either stop doing, what they do not approve / like or make their child do, what they want them to do.
Preschool and primary school children are physically smaller than their parents making them vulnerable to being beaten up to be obeyed.
Give yourself a pause and ask these questions to yourself :
1. Does beating my child ensures that they do not repeat that behaviour?
Parents have beaten their children for the same unpleasant behaviour more than once.
2. What’s my goal as a parent?
The goal is to teach my child to regulate themselves so that they will have the ability to control and manage their own behaviour each day.
3. What should be my approach to achieve my goal?
A well thought of strategy works. Yes, it does. It comes with a rider – PATIENCE FROM PARENTS
It is understandable that today parents are working in a new environment – HOME. Their children are not used to this. For them their parents being at home means, it’s their time with their parents.
HOW TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A LOVING WORK ENVIRONMENT AT HOME DURING THE LOCKDOWN?
1. Set clear rules at home – Have a dialogue with your child and discuss how everyone at home can have fun when parents are not doing their office work.
2. Workable solution – Get your boss, colleagues and team to discuss the new challenge of WORK FROM HOME and how to regulate the work hours to ensure maximum productivity and not spreading it thin to 18 hours a day.
3. Frame a schedule with your family – Have your child also as part of framing this schedule of your day for a week to start with. Let them suggest how they want you to spend time with them.
4. Add fun element – non-office hours should be clearly set aside for games, fun chats etc with your child or relaxation; let the child do whatever they want within certain boundaries.
5. Define work hour activities – Put up a chart listing things (options) your child can do when you are working. Teach them to record their work, need not be devices, can be depicting them as drawing.
6. Clarify right from wrong - It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is.
7. Rewards enhance behaviour – Fill your discussion with rewards (what they like) for best behaviour.
8. Accept changes – Any change in the schedule should be discussed with your child and seek alternate ways to handle them.
Practice makes YOU PERFECT. These ideas are a workable solution for parents to manage their anger while working from home. Hitting your child leads to them repeating the same behaviour with their younger sibling, cousins, school mates, future husband/wife/partner/ colleague. Children are very good at imitating. Try this at home. Close your eyes and imagine how your child behaves when they get angry. You will be shocked to observe that – if you slam the door, throw your things around or sit calmly and cry, your child does the same. Each day they are observing you and learning how to handle happiness, sadness, anger and failure. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around.
And if you are a parent who strongly believes in raising your child by not raising your hand, and wondering why are you reading this? Please share this with those who have argued with you stating that, we were hit by our parents as we grew up.
The silver lining is, the lockdown is the best opportunity, a blessing in disguise for you to teach the best behaviour to your child in an environment where they are always with you. Dialogue with your child has the power to make your WORK FROM HOME a memorable page in your family album. Closing with this quote on the power of dialogue from Dr Daisaku Ikeda, “ Words spoken from the heart have the power to change a person’s life. They can even melt the icy walls of mistrust that separate peoples and nations.”
--
4yGreat. Learned a lesson through your article.
Chairman, Ratanchand Shah Sah. Bank, Mangalwedha
4yGood article and very helpful
Head - Logistics. Supply Chain, Imports & Exports , Finished goods Distribution, PPC , Six Sigma Black Belt , sourcing & vendor development, Automotive Industry
4yVery insightful, great suggestions
Founder @ Helix Communications
4yBrings back the whole question of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" from a completely new perspective. I've always wondered if "that" (perceived past trauma of getting physically assaulted) had any long-lasting emotional impact on the psyche. I spend a lot of the present mulling over how effective it was and being a child, how it was being processed. I've never equated it to abuse which seemed too strong a word to describe what happened. I did however come to the natural conclusion that parents only fell back on it as a "last resort". Thanks a lot for sharing! Time for a deep think.
Adventurer | Creator - Hi-Performance Teams | Coach & Mentor
4yThank you for sharing. There is no justification whatsoever for physical or verbal abuse of children by parents. Good points by you. Such parents need counselling and repeat offenders should be prosecuted. Unfortunately, in many areas of the world, abuse by parents is still justified and tolerated.