Always Compare All The Monkeys

In a conversation this morning, a friend and I discussed several topics… including Man’s irresistible urge to compare.

We compare everything — from what we inherit, to whatever we work for.

And it’s never ever enough for us.

She brought up the famous experiment conducted by Frans de Waal and Sarah Brosnan — in which capuchin monkeys were given tasks to perform in exchange for food rewards. 

Initially, the monkeys were happy to perform a task in exchange for a cucumber slice.  However, when they observed another monkey receiving a more desirable reward (a grape) for the same task, their behavior changed dramatically. 

The monkeys who continued to receive cucumber slices became upset and often refused to perform the task. In some instances, they even threw the cucumber slices away in frustration.

What then of Man?

We spoke about how we (Homo sapiens) are hardwired to compare our lot.  And how such comparison is the source of much of our misery.  And worse — it is the cause of our unrelenting drive to keep achieving more, but without gaining satisfaction.

We succeed, only to be dissatisfied by our relative lack of success.  And we tend to want more of everything, a ‘bigger’ of everything, and a ‘better’ of everything. 

In my world, raising 3.5 Million (in venture funding) is not enough, when someone else has raised 35 Million.  A great team is not good enough.  It has to be ‘bigger’.  And nothing is ever fast enough, because there’s always someone faster.

And so, monkeys toss out cucumber slices in frustration.

Can we rid ourselves of this habit?  

I’m guessing it’s unlikely.  And — it’s probably unhealthy too… because the ability to compare, also gives us the ability to:

• Motivate and Inspire Ourselves
• Reflect and Gain Self-Awareness
• Learn and Grow
• Set Benchmarks and Goals

So then — how do we deal with the tendency to make unhealthy, unproductive comparisons?

I offer a simple solution (apart from daily mindfulness practices) —

Compare ALL the monkeys.

What do I mean?

When I’m not comparing for the purpose of motivating and inspiring myself, reflecting and gaining self-awareness, learning and growing, or setting benchmarks and goals — then, I’ll aim to compare my ‘situation’ with more than one other party… I’ll compare with a whole lot of different parties… Some who seem to be ‘doing better’, and some who seem to be lagging.  

This is not intended to nullify any productive attempt to raise the bar on performance.  It should simply help me remember that it can be quite meaningless to compare my unique lot, against that of others.  

So — knowing that I cannot help but compare… I’m hardwired to do so… then, the best thing I can do is be smart about HOW I compare, and WHAT I use as a basis for comparison.