Another Beast From The East

We are told to expect another Beast From The East this is my reaction to the last one………..

TRAVELLING BACKWARDS

As memories of miserable morale sapping train journeys to and from Waterloo abate, the time may now be right to take a more objective view of UK rail travel in the 21st Century.  Even with the passage of time, objectivity presents a challenge as some of the recent events return to haunt me such us: The ticket office clerk, widely known as Mr Grumpy, opting not to walk the few hundred yards to his work station [i]; the locked waiting room on a bitterly cold day (perversely open in the Summer); the bricked-up toilets; and the digital display quicksand informing us that the next train seemed to be going backwards.

When we eventually broke free from the quicksand of delays with the arrival of a long overdue train, our joy abated on arrival at the next station when passengers were ordered to disembark because it had allegedly broken down. [The word ‘allegedly’ has been used since it is imprudent to accept any train company claim at face value. Could our removal from the train been a wheeze to re-allocate either rolling-stock or train staff or even both?]

The return journey offered a fine example of the equal misery syndrome that was topped by being told by railway staff to catch a bus to complete the journey south.  Of course no bespoke bus service had been arranged and we were required to walk to the bus station; needless to say the train station staff had no idea of its location. It transpired that getting to the bus station necessitated a 500 yard walk in a snow storm, so catching a taxi proved to be the only viable option.

That return journey raises some questions. First, passengers were advised that the train service was disrupted due to adverse weather conditions, yet when we eventually caught a train it completed the journey within the Timetable parameters. Further, the truth of the inclement weather claim was called into question when the Conductor announced that the delays were partly attributable to the mal-location of rail staff.  Second, having witnessed two fast trains arriving and leaving Guildford Station within 30 minutes of each other, the question arises: Why did management lack the imagination to re-classify one of them as a slow train?  Third, in a situation of endemic chaos why were no station staff deployed to the platforms? Fourth, why was the assumption made that, standing on a bitterly cold platform, all have access to the Internet in order to garner up-to-date and complete information?  It is extremely frustrating to be told half the story and then being referred to another source to glean the whole picture.

Looking back is often not a fruitful exercise but fond memories remain of rail travel in the 1950s and 1960s. Steam trains rarely seemed to break down and certainly offered a more romantic travelling experience. Travellers were not Customers but Passengers – a designation that more accurately reflected the train companies’ core business of moving us from A to B. Also, back then, passengers had the freedom to adjust the carriage temperature {ii] and to open and close doors whereas today a fat controller makes such decisions on our behalf. These are arguably trite examples of the loss of freedom of choice but there is a cumulative erosion not only of our ability to make choices but also to think for ourselves. We have truly entered the Big Brother age which will soon be enhanced by the introduction of a cashless society. 

It is pointless pretending that there ever really was a golden age of public transport travel but the combination of Big Brother thinking and the introduction of the ‘customer-relations’ industry has probably deleteriously affected the experience. The fluffy inane announcements, straight from the customer-relations manual, make it clear that Big Brother feels we cannot think for ourselves anymore. Consider such advisory announcements as:

It’s slippery when wet

In hot weather – carry a water bottle

Hang on when the bus is moving

Don’t leave your personal belongings behind

Good grief are we no longer capable of making such common-sense judgments for ourselves? Perhaps such axiomatic announcements flow from the various legal departments in order to pre-empt litigation. This recent security announcement, offered with bogus cheerfulness, is particularly irritating:  See it, Say it, Sorted it. It is surely wishful thinking to imagine that a British Transport Policeman/woman will be on hand to satisfy the claim: Sorted.

As mentioned above however, the greatest irritant is that passengers are now referred to as customers. Such a re-designation smacks of imported language from a costly Management Consultancy firm which believes that, through sleight of appellation hand, a service will magically improve – a no cost veneer that fails to address the real issues. The core business of a rail or bus service is to move us from where we are to where we wish to go.

Against the background of fluffy statements of the obvious it should be remembered that there are no platform staff to turn to when a passenger has need of important information. Where station staff are deployed they generally congregate around the ticket barrier to chew the fat many strides from Platform 8. Of course, on smaller stations where passengers are of even less importance than at Main Line Stations, Staff have been replaced by machines. I have had cause to use an automated Information Points on one, not to be repeated, occasion and the experience unfolded thus:

Pressed the green button as instructed

Phone rings for 5 minutes then disconnects

Pressed green button a second time which is answered after 2 minutes

My question posed elicited this reply “I am not an expert on ticket machines”

Superimposed on all the unhelpful drivel is a raft of threatening announcements such as “If you are not travelling with a valid ticket you will be fined...”.

So was public transport travel better in the good old days? Well, in the fundamental area of manning, the answer is surely ‘Yes’. Even in the digital social media age I do believe that there is a need for human contact; all too often a ‘machine’ fails to offer an answer to THE question and certainly does not allow for supplementary questions. Some may recall the days when every station sported a live-in stationmaster, a manned ticket office and porters. Each station possessed a team spirit and there was much enthusiasm for such events as the Best Garden Competition. Today the duties of maintaining the station is outsourced to a workforce that lacks any enthusiasm for any particular station and nobody can blame them for that.

My railways life’s experience is somewhat limited to the Waterloo to Portsmouth line but I remember well how commuting in the 1960s was a much more pleasurable experience than it is today; for sure the interactivity of passengers made for greater enjoyment and camaraderie. Although obsessive involvement in mobile phone, Laptop and other media tools must share some responsibility for passengers occupying their own personal bubble, the modern railway system must share some of the blame. In my commuting days commuter trains offered a bar/restaurant cars in which feisty post work relaxation took place; indeed, those cars spawned, certain social groupings such as the W Club – every Station that began with the letter W. Under W Club rules Members were required to purchase a miniature bottle of Scotch and consume it before the next W station. So, those travelling to Haslemere on a slow train via Wimbledon, Weybridge, Walton, West Byfleet, Woking, Worplesdon and Witley were well oiled on arrival at their destination. Drinking and driving concerns for the Club did not pertain since, In those distant days the wife waited at the destination station to take their alleged ‘better half’ home; this is rarely the case today. 

Today the bar/restaurant carriage has been replaced by a cumbersome trolley with limited produce which the operator tries manfully to steer through an invariably over-crowded train. Little surprise that passengers obviate the need to buy something of limited appeal, from a trolley that might never reach them, by purchasing a Big Mac and a coffee in a large plastic mug before departure. There are few odours less appealing than someone else’s Big Mac.

It would be foolish to hanker after the good old days and it is most unlikely that re-nationalisation would improve matters. Whether society as whole should pay more for the railways is a consideration but some would suggest that a universal contribution is unfair to the non-user; that said, I am obliged to pay for a TV Licence but very rarely watch any BBC Channel. There seems little doubt that UK train travel is expensive as exemplified by my experience a few years ago when the cost of a 25 mile train fare from my home to Gatwick proved more expensive than a ticket from Milan to Venice to Rome and back to Milan! When I queried the cost with the train company it responded with “It’s expensive because you are travelling during the peak period”. Well, I doubt if Easy Jet would be inclined to slip a take-off time to suit my needs. On reflection I do hanker after the old days!

i Some years ago I persuaded a friend to travel to Waterloo from my local station but having experienced the rudeness of Mr Grumpy he decided to return to his previous travel arrangements even though it cost more time and money.

ii Travelling a few years ago on the Guildford to Reading line on an extremely hot day with the heating system pumping out hot air it seemed reasonable to ask the Guard if we could open a window to which he replied: “Passengers are not permitted to open windows”.