Anxious & Empty

When you say the word anxiety, you probably just shrug your shoulder and think “we all have it, sometimes.”

And, you’re right. Anxiety is a very normal part of life. Anxiety is a response to stress and as humans, we are programmed to respond to stressors to get things done; finish the project, make a big decision, or go for that last-minute errand run.  

However, “regular anxiety” comes and goes. See the type of anxiety that I have is the one that creeps in under my skin, into my thoughts and starts tiring my body.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 19% of American adults are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.  

For me, I fall into a category of what they call High Functioning Anxiety. And this presents itself as exactly that- “high functioning” my struggles are often masked from the outside world, and the need for support will remain unseen.

There is a hidden painful struggle when you live with high functioning anxiety

Yes, I can put a smile on my face. Yes, I can get my tasks done but some days it takes a  herculean effort and double the mental energy of someone without anxiety.

You may refer to me as a "go-getter", but what you don't know is that “go-getters” often get lost under the radar. The truth is I am skilled at keeping things rolling, contained and running smoothing. See I can dot my I’s and cross my T’s, and I will show up.

But here is what I want you to know about living with anxiety.

1) “I’m good at surviving, but it’s tiring”

Just because I seem to be making it through the day,  doesn’t mean I’m not experiencing distress.

You may wonder why I am tired at the end of a “regular” day, but my mind is like a bee-hive and I’m juggling a lot more than just my daily tasks. The worry in my brain is like a gas pedal pressing on the gas all day long, and when I can finally sit down, I am not able to be “on” my game.”

I may need a breather or some alone time and I don’t need to explain it.

If you're the one with anxiety, you know that one of the first steps to pulling the reins back is learning to slow down, practice breathing, and shift your thoughts. In order to do that, you’ll probably be making changes that others around you will notice, and some may even make comments about it. The person living with anxiety never needs to excuse themselves but rather fiercely protect the steps they need to take or boundaries they need to set so they can help lower their anxiety levels.

2) I don’t just need a vacation!

You may have the ability to bounce back to your regular, energized self after coming back from a spa getaway or a weeklong vacation, but I’m not like that. My mind and body still have these symptoms wherever I go, so your well-meaning comment of “just go on vacation, you’ll feel much better” just lets me know that you really just don’t understand.  I am going to take time off when I need it, all the while taking care of my anxiety in the ways I need so I can feel calm and balanced in my day-to-day life.

3) It isn’t just perfectionism; it’s a code word for safety.

Anxiety goes hand in hand with perfectionists, over-thinkers, and type A personality structures who put incredible pressure on themselves to excel in all areas of life; professionally, at work, in school, in their love lives, and have a high bar in parenting. The anxious mind sees mistakes as failures and equates human, {expected} mess-ups to catastrophes.  No one chooses to live this way, and perfectionism is often a desperate attempt to control and manage the fear that is beneath all of the pressure.

At the end of the day, it isn’t really about the failures disappointments, or losing respect in other people’s eyes, it’s about safety.

If I’m anxious, it means I’m feeling unsafe.

It can be because my brain and nervous system are extra sensitive and I overthink things, it could be because I have a history of trauma or am carrying some family-of-origin beliefs that are weighing me down. But, please see this as a responsible attempt to find relief from the fear. I don’t want to live with rigidity forever, but I am this way while I do my work to get better.

4) Just because it’s invisible, doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

One of the most isolating aspects of having high functioning anxiety is that others don't seem to “get it” because it isn’t “obvious”. All conditions that impact one's ability to live, love, and engage are valid, regardless if they are visible or not.

Validation goes a long way in supporting your high functioning loved one or friend. By listening authentically, being curious, and wanting to expand your understanding of how someone with anxiety functions, you offer a sense of healing and compassion. And that is a true gift.

5) Be Patient

I know you wish I could just “snap out of it” and believe me, I do too. Somedays, I just do my best. Somedays I can work out, eat healthy, sniff essential oils, go to therapy and I can be on my game, and other days I can still do all of that and I will struggle.  I do my past and patience goes a long way and offers heaps of support. “

6) I’m learning to appreciate the gifts I come with..I’d love it if you can too.

Being sensitive and easily affected by stressors can be tough, but it has also taught me how to be more empathetic, humble, and compassionate. It’s made me into a deeper person and I’d love it if you’d see that I’m a package deal. We all have struggles, and often, our struggles change us in ways that are good as well.  I have learned to see the bright side of this, and I hope you can too!

7) Don’t Be Jealous

I’d love to kick my feet up and sometimes worry a bit less. Laugh a bit more. Trust the process, or space out for more than five minutes. We all have personality types and different brain structures, don’t be jealous of the perks I have, and please don’t mock me for working so hard when you’re programmed differently.

Though high functioning anxious people may be more productive and get much done, it comes with a cost. Remember, anxious overachievers, come in many presentations; It may be the stay-at-home mom next door, your over-achieving best friend, or high power attorney sister- whom all seem to “get things done so well” but struggle with anxiety.

8) My “day-off “is bliss, don’t tell me to make it different

Your days off seem to be full of activity, social engagement, and a laundry list of sites to visit. Mine? A warm cup of coffee, sitting on the sofa and watching tv, or taking a late afternoon walk. I’m not boring, I’m just different. Just because my brain is focused, and uber attentive at work, it does not mean I have to or want to be like that at home. I need my downtime to nourish and replenish myself, and that’s ok.  Don’t call me antisocial, a hermit, or old. I do what’s good for me.”

If you’re the one struggling with high functioning anxiety, know that there are many out there with these symptoms. They are real and they are hard, and they are treatable!

The earlier you address the issue, the sooner you’ll be able to reduce your high-functioning anxiety symptoms. No matter how severe or light your symptoms are, learning skills and reaching out for support will go a long way in living a better life.

Some tips for dealing with anxiety begin with identifying “stinkin thinkin” also known as catastrophic thinking and dialing it back. Your mind and body need to re-learn how to deal with worries, stressors, and change. You may also want to integrate mindfulness activities, listen to relaxation techniques and create daily routines that keep you grounded.

For those of you who know someone with anxiety, you play a big role too!

Research proves that those with emotional support achieve greater gains in emotional healing than those who don’t have the support. Everyone goes through ups and downs, but the best we can do is show up for ourselves and each other with compassion, curiosity, and care.

These are just some of the things people with anxiety live with. I could go on and on but then this post would be so long. But let me just say it’s tough living life with anxiety. I wish people who don’t suffer from it would understand what it’s like, what it feels like when you’re having an attack. One day you may seem fine. You may not have an attack or not as bad but just know it happens and sometimes it happens randomly. It hits you when you least expect it. The random attacks are hard to overcome believe me. It’s not easy suffering from anxiety. But I hope after reading this those who don’t suffer now have a sneak peek about what it’s like. They now know what I and many others deal with.

If you read this article and something resonates, please say so.  

Where Can You Find Me? 

At Clubhouse you can join me every Thursday (TONIGHT) in the Thought Leadership Branding Club on Clubhouse at 6 pm EST  for LinkedIn 101: Becoming A LinkedIn Rockstar 

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