Barely conscious...

Spirit Above, compose my soul now, for I beg of Thee, and bend my knee deeply now towards the Choir of the Cosmos.

I am only what you make of me... 

It's not if I believe in love, but rather does love believe in me?

Maybe that's a tad too intimate to reveal here, and yet, I know no other way to exist. Be honest, in both your words and mavenuveurs, or step off the stage of Life. 

I believe not in fancy roses, period, nor do I believe the bouquets of the Skies raining upwards, nor in the fleeting rains crashing cascading crushing from Above.

Maybe I am wrong to ask or say such things, for my Father in the Kingdom Above, and wicking my preternatural eyes glance towards the Gods and Goddesses, nodding towards His gestures and a better day yet to be achieved.  Maybe I am myopic, running ruthfully and endlessly, towards the waters, just a simple boy hailing from Ohio. 

But what do I know?, and for that, stuck in the mire,I ever so gently ask for Your forgiveness Lord, and humbly so I beseech Your counsel and grace during these times...

My hands shake, like a prisoner, crushed and encompassed deep in these Earthly chains, and as I've been stretched over this black and blue skyline before me, scarred and spent, strained and strained and yes strained again all over these unforgivable waters, and all of my lonely tears falling full into fields of flowers, never to shine or be shone.

I humbly ask of You, God look upon me now!, and help all the other Souls upon this collective Ship that we row and sail upon; help us become better versions of ourselves.

Lately I've been attempting to sleep.  

Attempting yes, I offer this truth freely up, and as the Moon runs red, I acknowledge that this a feeble fable and fumble attempt upon me, weak and wanting I am, and yet I am yet falling forwards fully to this simple feat to simply draw sleep into my world.  This is apparently a lost cause.  My dreams, or lack thereof, have all escaped into a black hole of losses, and my heart beseeches blindly such a wonderment of worlds yet to be reached, always out there, but beyond the shorelines of my grasp, so sleep escapes my mind, as does peace.  

So, armed only with my thoughts and a Nicaraguan cigar, I stroll out upon the dock, and overlook the timeless blackened waters of the Atlantic waves, washing wistfully and wondering.  And in some wickedly woodwork rickety piece of purposeful pace of placement, upon some whack-thwacking rail, deep in my thoughts, lost and losing the light, and playing with the Fire as She continues to joyfully play with my mercurial soul, all the while as I ponder towards what might have been...

Setting myself on fire and all alight, wondering what might have existed and indeed sang into the microphone of Life Herself!, and as it was once written before in saddles of sand times before, I stepped into the Darkness of my Heart, if only to find the Light of whatever might remain slightly.

"Dad Above", I say, Please forgive me Sweet God, forgive me for my transgressions and trespasses, for my mistakes and misunderstandings, for my multiple missteps and misgiven motions, and please forgive me for all that I have done, for there has been enough to fill volumes, and please forgive me for all that I haven't done, though my thoughts and intentions were pure, and please forgive me for my inexperience and lack of comprehension of what truly indelibly makes a difference.  

I am lost in this wilderness.

Help me find the proverbial Porch Light.

My sentiments here are only a reflection of my own incapabilities and incompetence, and a thrust bump push knock knicker drive to learn more, and not a reflection upon You Lord.  

My heart is true, yes, but equally falling, and for that I kneel silently.

For all of that, and for all things above my Stratosphere of Understanding, forgive me for that, please. 

Let this Court not deny my bowed knee.  Help me become a better version tomorrow of what I was today...

And so I kneel, and pray with my consciousness, releasing my so-called control, and asking the Divine to redefine my existence, for lately I've been swooshing and squirreling smucking smashing up in the mire mud mystery, and I ain't too happy about that. 

While I did not notice the others passing me by, for I was listed and lost in my own thoughts, I gazed and glanced back in my Soul's rearview mirror, full of watery eyes, wishing that I would have seen the World swimming before me so differently.  

Forgive me Lord.

I am human, but indeed, I am just that, human.  Failed and Fallen, and courtesy of Your actions, Forgiven.  

This is not a missive of reprehensible remission, for to me to admit that I am "human", and such an admission is tantamount to mutteringly professing into the Stars that I have l fumbled and fully failed ~ but the challenge is here in my untamed heart, and one that I thank You for, as I thank the Celestial Question, when You rise and arise again one so You shall, let the path I seek be worthy of the Light that You have shown me.

With a grateful heart, I say, thank You to the Divine,

... and to each of you out there, I say equally the same sentiment:  Thank you, and thank you for doing the only thing that you can do, which is simply drawing in breath and being exactly you.  In all of the Book of Humanity thank you for doing the only thing that you can, which is being exactly you!

The Stars take notice, as do I.

So glad you're here.