Battle of the Testosterones

I believe there is a conversation going on in some of the most "advanced" societies across the world about whether there is a difference between a male and a female.

Being miles away from such societies and also having no intention of relocating from my native land means that I can pen the following article with no fear of being jailed or "cancelled" as being from within the cradle of mankind we have no need to engage in such petty discussions.

But that is not what I want to share, more of what I want to share is the changes that take place within the biological male and the biological female that play a major role in how we interact with each other and how it affects the nature of our relationships.

For years I believed an interesting lie about how the famous Kikuyu female chief Wangu Wa Makeri was impregnated to dethrone her yet a few years ago a new version of the story came to my attention which indicated that she was post menopausal when she took up the role of chief.

What that means is that a man somewhere decided to skew the story so that it helps them retain their virility in the narrative something we continue to see happening today right across the world.

A similar situation plays out in the play "The Lion and the Jewel" by Wole Soyinka where the ageing illiterate chief, due to his virility, takes away Sidi the young village beauty from the young educated teacher.

The same plays out with our ageing African politicians who will never allow a single strand of grey hair to be visible upon what should be their otherwise wise heads, that is a story for another day.

Back to the slopes of Mount Kenya where it was said that the medicine man, think 1 Samuel 16 NIV, went into the hut of Wangu's husband to anoint him as chief which he declined, as the medicine man was leaving she stopped him and indicated that the blessings once within a home cannot leave therefore he should anoint her instead.

Anyone who has a more accurate narrative is free to share it as I too was not present when the activity took place within the homestead, I will leave the relevance of this story hanging as a way to keep you reading.

I was able to be present through my wives three pregnancies right from conception to birth, whatever anyone tells you the differences between male and female manifest in the womb of which I lay beside through the many months.

The boy child is active right from the get go even before they had limps with which kick the mothers bladder as they throw their mothers hormones constant curve balls from the minute they establish themselves within the womb. It makes me wonder why the sex of the child at birth comes as a surprise or the need to have a doctor ascertain the babies gender.

Boys also seem to be more troublesome at the time of delivery as well, something I noted during my three sessions in the labour ward, it is almost as if they do not want to leave the comfort of the womb to which they have become accustomed.

I suspect that could explain a lot about why in most communities the boys stay home while the girls are uprooted and relocated to their matrimonial homes but more scarily why boys/men are more likely to commit suicide than women, that is my opinion and I do not claim to be an authority or expert just an avid observer of what happens around me.

In addition, statistics have shown that, boys are normally born heavier than girls but after bath their rate of growth is usually slower and continues to remain the same until that growth spurt around puberty. Which in a way confirms my earlier assertion on the tendency for boys to become more comfortable within a situation.

When they get their limps, boys kick with energy and vigour, both my sons had a way of even kicking me while in the womb using their mother's feet, I shall continue to believe that lie as it is more palatable than the alternative.

It is an accepted fact that male children are born with higher levels of testosterone that female children and thus has been used for centuries to explain why males are generally more aggressive than their female counterparts.

To mother nature this is by design and is intended to assist the species to propagate and flourish with the male taking the role of physical protector while the female takes on that of carrying and nurturing the young until they can fend sufficiently for themselves.

What I have personally experienced as a male of the species is that the levels of testosterone rise to a peak around the age of twenty five after which it begins to drop from then on with an isotope like decay curve. Always wondered when that knowledge I acquired in chemistry class would be useful, seems forty years later the opportunity has finally presented itself.

I realised something major had changed when my eldest son once mentioned after I had just disciplined his younger sibling that if he had been the one who had done the same the punishment would have been more harsh.

It brought tears to my eyes, yes I am capable, not because I saw it as a complaint about the difference in treatment but for sharing an observation something that one needs to inculcate in their children if you want to have a long term relationship with open communication.

After that incident I became more in-touch with my character going forward culminating in this article almost fifteen years later. It was not lost to me that the changes happening to my character were confusing to my wife as I truly was changing from the person she had married.

Interestingly, I also started noticing the changes in my wife's character which was most informative and gave me a new appreciation for why marriages seem to break up suddenly.

In my opinion the man-child is still that, a male child in the womb of the mother seeking comfort and predictability so when that changes men tend to flee. The effects of the dropping testosterone levels do not help much either as they cause confusion to the man who is feeling less manly yet society is insisting that they be more manly, aggressive and driven.

As the testosterone drops, most men become more caring and seeking more emotion from their relationships. What that does is lower their sexual drive which they confuse with being less manly sadly society results in pumping chemicals into the man to restore his youthful virility which is counter to what mother nature wants.

Interestingly enough, when a woman has the same issue the tendency will be to look at it as an emotional issue and recommend soft solutions such as long scented baths, self healing and better communication from the men in their lives while for the man a pill is likely to be what is prescribed.

So, why did Wangu's husband refuse to take up the mantle of the chief yet in his youth he was a respected warrior and I suspect wrestler while his formerly timid wife courageously wrestled for it?

That there is the battle of the testosterones, yes, I am intentionally treating the hormone as having both a male and female variant and will leave the science of it to the experts.

In observing myself and reflecting upon those who aged both gracefully and otherwise before me it is clear that how we respond to the reduction on the one end and the increase on the other of testosterone levels is radically different for both parties resulting in strained relationships as well as terminated ones.

If you get to live to sixty or more you will likely have changed personalities multiple times and unless you and those around you are able to understand, appreciate and are willing to embrace the new yous then the confusion we are seeing around so called developed societies will keep getting worse.

On my part, the learnings continue and I hope that when I turn seventy I will be able to add to what I have shared here as the roller-coaster is still throwing new twists and turns my way but I shall fight to remain firmly strapped down in my carriage, bring it on, Mother.