Becoming a Person of Influence: It's About More Than Optics

In life, most of us desire to have a positive impact on the people around us. We want to be a source of encouragement, guidance, and inspiration—to truly be a person of influence. But influence isn’t just about having a title, a following, or being in charge. It’s about building real trust, nurturing meaningful relationships, and leaving a lasting impression through who we are at our core. While competence, character, and connection are the foundations of this kind of influence, it’s not an easy path.

It’s a journey that requires discipline, vulnerability, and a genuine heart. It’s about being willing to take off the masks we wear, face our insecurities, and move beyond the surface to create deeper, authentic bonds with others. Yet, in today’s world, where appearances—or optics—seem to matter more than ever, there’s a constant pressure to look the part of an influential person rather than be the part. This can make it hard to stay true to ourselves.

Competence: Where Trust Begins

Competence is usually the first thing people notice about us when they decide whether they can rely on us. It’s about using our gifts, talents, and skills to solve problems and guide others, especially when things are tough. People look to those who can handle crisis situations with wisdom and grace. But here’s the thing—competence is more than just being good at something. It’s about showing up when it matters most and remaining calm, thoughtful, and resilient, even when everything around us feels like it’s falling apart.

The Struggle of Staying Competent

Staying competent is not easy. We live in a fast-paced world where everything is constantly changing—new technologies, shifting cultural norms, and evolving expectations. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or even inadequate. How do we keep up with it all? It takes discipline to keep learning, growing, and improving. There will always be moments where we doubt whether we are enough—whether our skills, knowledge, or experience are sufficient. And in those moments, it can be tempting to project a false sense of competence, pretending we have it all figured out. But people can sense when we’re being inauthentic. True competence isn’t about perfection—it’s about doing our best and being honest when we don’t know all the answers.

The Role of Discipline

To grow in competence, we need to embrace discipline. This means making time to refine our skills, seek feedback, and remain open to learning. It’s about not resting on what we’ve accomplished but staying humble and aware that there’s always more to discover. True competence gives people confidence in us, but only if it’s backed by genuine effort and the willingness to continually improve.

Character: The Heart of Influence

If competence is what gets people’s attention, character is what keeps them around. It’s the invisible glue that holds relationships together, allowing others to feel safe in trusting us. When we have integrity, people know we’re dependable and honest. They know we’ll follow through, even when it’s inconvenient, and that we’ll stand by what we believe, even when it’s unpopular.

But character doesn’t just develop overnight. It’s the product of choices—often hard ones. It’s the result of facing our weaknesses, admitting our faults, and having the courage to grow through our mistakes. It’s about being honest with ourselves and others, even when it’s uncomfortable. In a world that places so much value on optics—on looking good and doing what’s “socially acceptable”—it can be hard to stay true to our core values.

The Danger of Faking Character for Optics

We all face the temptation to fake it sometimes. Society, workplaces, even social media encourage us to present the best version of ourselves, even if it’s not the truest. Maybe we’re afraid of what people will think if they see our flaws. Maybe we’re trying to fit into a certain mold. But pretending to be someone we’re not is exhausting—and worse, it’s untrustworthy. When we shape our character based on how we want to appear rather than who we truly are, we risk losing ourselves.

I’ve seen it happen too often: someone who seems like a model of integrity in public but whose private life tells a different story. Eventually, that facade crumbles. People can tell when our character is just a performance for the sake of optics, and when they see through it, trust breaks down. True influence requires us to be consistent, not perfect. People don’t expect us to be without fault—they just need to know we’re honest about who we are.

Vulnerability: The Key to Building Character

To develop real character, we need to be vulnerable. We have to be willing to admit when we fall short, and instead of hiding our flaws, we need to face them head-on. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. When we own our mistakes and commit to growing from them, people respect us more. Vulnerability allows us to show others that we’re human, and that gives them permission to be human too. In this way, our character becomes a bridge to deeper trust and more meaningful connections.

Connection: The Heartbeat of Influence

Influence is ultimately about relationships. We can be the most competent and have the strongest character, but if we can’t connect with people, our influence will only go so far. Connection means more than just knowing people’s names or engaging in polite conversation. It’s about understanding others, meeting them where they are, and showing them that they matter.

Overcoming Pride to Truly Connect

One of the biggest obstacles to connection is pride. Sometimes, we’re so focused on our own image or achievements that we forget to genuinely care about others. Or, we connect with people for the wrong reasons—maybe to climb the ladder or be seen with the “right” crowd. That’s where optics come in again. We might connect with someone simply because it looks good, but there’s no real substance behind the relationship. People can sense when we’re using them for appearance’s sake, and that undermines the authenticity of the connection.

The Power of Empathy

The real power of connection comes from empathy—being able to step into someone else’s shoes, to truly listen and care. It’s about seeing people as individuals with their own stories, struggles, and dreams, not just as a means to an end. A person of influence doesn’t just connect for optics; they connect because they genuinely want to help others grow and succeed. This kind of connection creates a bond of trust that transcends surface-level interactions and leads to lasting, meaningful relationships.

The Challenge of Optics in Today’s World

We can’t escape the fact that optics—how things appear—matter in today’s society. There’s a constant pressure to say the right thing, do the right thing, and be seen in the right way. But the danger of living for optics is that it can hollow out our true character and make our connections superficial. When we’re driven by how we’re perceived rather than who we truly are, we lose sight of what really matters. It’s okay to care about how we present ourselves, but it’s more important to ensure that our presentation matches our reality. Influence built on a false foundation will eventually crumble.

Influence Comes from the Heart

At the end of the day, becoming a person of influence isn’t about perfect optics or a flawless performance. It’s about having a genuine heart for others. Our competence gives people confidence in our abilities, our character builds trust, and our connection brings people closer to us. When we lead from a place of authenticity, with the desire to truly serve and empower others, our influence grows naturally.

The road to influence is challenging, but it’s also deeply rewarding. It requires discipline, self-reflection, and the willingness to embrace vulnerability. It asks us to face our insecurities, shed our masks, and live in a way that’s true to who we are. And when we do that, we can impact lives in ways we never thought possible—because influence, at its core, is about leaving a lasting, positive mark on the hearts of those we touch.

Dr Victor Goh